Sexy Surprises!

Much to our happy and sexy surprise, Prof and I discovered via a super hot friend, that Aarron of Red Region Inferno had noted our blog as one of his Sexiest Blogs of 2010! We are in excellent company on his list and are appreciative of the fact that there are indeed other sexies out there actually reading the words we rub together to make sentences.

We are looking forward to another fun year of dating, partying and traveling with openminded sexy friends who know what it means to work hard and play harder. Already on the docket is a party in a few weeks and our highly anticipated April trip to Desire with the Swingercast crew. We truly can't wait to get back!

In the meantime, Prof and I have met a number of sexy local hotties we are hoping to bring into the fold with other friends during a hotel party of our making. Time to get out the naughty Jenga again!

Thanks for continuing to join us on this pleasurable ride. We wish you a wildly sexy and delicious 2011!

A Look Back, A Look Forward

It’s the time of year when it’s natural to both reflect and ponder what's ahead. Ginger and I, for as long as we’ve been partnered, have always treated ourselves to a night out and “checked in” with each other at the end of the year. Surely there have been years where we left some things on the table—missed opportunities—but 2010 was certainly not one of them! We sucked the marrow out of life this year (Ginger being particularly adept at oral, she performed beautifully).

While we don’t often write much about our personal lives, we both went through exciting transitions. I'm now Boss Man Bing (for all you Friends aficionados) and Ginger started building her own business in earnest. We both seriously love our careers, except that we are pulled in different geographic directions too often. Oh, and there’s the small issue that we have to be uber-discreet with our personal lives too, which sucks. Planning is already underway for us to work together someday: finding a niche in the world of sex-positivity. Perhaps we’ll host couples (and unicorn) retreats on a deserted island (though we’d “settle” for doing workshops at Desire too), or special 3 hour educational cruises. Cue the music.

The past year was defined for me largely in a single day. It’s not often that one can look at one day on the calendar and feel both tremendous pride and accomplishment. I completed an Ironman triathlon. It is 2.4 miles of swimming, followed by 112 miles of biking and then 26.2 miles of running. The experience was transcendental. Throughout all the preparation, lasting over a year, I was fortunate enough to stay healthy. Ginger was amazing in her support. A triathlete herself, she was understood the importance of the goal completely. She would pamper and then enthusiastically fuck me, though my hips were at times too tired to lift off the bed very much. She has never tired easily, and it’s fun to bring the extra stamina to our extended play sessions. And I have no problem calling in reinforcements if the occasion calls for it…

Our trip to Desire was also a fantastically memorable experience! The resort is such a classy place and the Swingercast crew—led by the unmatchable duo of Allie and John—was fantastic. Inspired by a couple from last year’s trip and Ginger’s spontaneous hot tub orgasms (see Feeling Desirous), I’ve trained in Reiki, and now Ginger can regularly get off through this energy stimulation. The Desire group remains well connected on Twitter, and openly welcomes new people into the fold. This year BareFeatz and Dani Sapphire of the Lifestylelife podcast will be joining us as well. The anticipation—read sexual tension—is already building at the prospects of meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends, and exploring other friendships started on the last trip more, er, thoroughly. Oh, and then there’s the sex swing in the club…they’re going to have a hard time getting Ginger to leave the swing next year!

In the online world, Ginger has been simply amazing in her role on Life on the Swingset – The Podcast. I listen to the episodes, get turned on by her sexy voice and sharp intellect and then pinch myself with the realization that I get to enjoy this Goddess every day. Having recently returned from a trip to the Midwest—the production headquarters of the Swingset—we met the many of the rest of the crew and each is as fantastic in person as they are on the show. Without exception: Quality people. Oh, and crazy hot chemistry. That was fun too!

Each year we figure out a way to “kick it up a notch” (to recycle the old Emeril Lagasse expression). This will be no small task for 2011, but we are up for the challenge. After thinking about all the sexy times from this year, I’m literally “up” for getting started right now.

Here’s to the great friends sharing the journey with us —those we know well, those we’ve recently met, and those we have yet to meet. Cheers!

Ginger and The Professor - Revealed

I love the idea that Ginger is podcasting for Life on the Swingset. It makes me even happier when listeners provide feedback about her sexy voice and her even sexier (sharp) intellect. These attributes—among many others—are worthy of sharing with the world. The attention Ginger receives certainly doesn’t go to her head, as she is far too modest for that. Yet, for the ‘inquiring minds’ who want to know more about us, the following offers more about Ginger and the Professor on our not-so-deserted island:

Cocksucka

We have been together for 17 years…we met when Ginger was the irresistible college cheerleader, too hot to be approachable, but confident enough to ask me out. Yay me! Prior to when we met, she’d perfected her technique in giving head thanks to the starting quarterback and select other football players volunteering their hard cocks for her practice. If it sounds cliché that the football players were using the cute cheerleader, then you’ve actually got it backward. Ginger was thoroughly enjoying using them, and the control that she had over them as a result.

Though all of her sexual skills are amazing, her blowjobs are at the top…she can suck the biggest, thickest cocks right down to the balls…she truly enjoys cocks of all sizes and can bring herself to orgasm in the midst of a blow job without missing a beat (and with no hands)…in a moment of passion, one of our friends exclaimed “God, you suck cock like a pro.” If it wasn’t one of our closest and most trusted friends, it may have been awkward to find out how he’d come up with that!

Ginger Succumbs

In the beginnings of our relationship, Ginger had not yet become her insatiable sexual self. Despite all the services for the football team, she didn’t seek any reciprocity from the guys so when we met, her orgasmic potential was not yet fully developed. I still remember the first time I gave her oral sex…she was hesitant at first…warmed slowly…then got so wet and excited as her inhibitions faded…then came so hard that she was surprised. One of the differences for her? A more delicate touch. Less is more. Guys learning how to lick pussy from porn movies jump right in and are very aggressive. Ginger’s clit is uber-sensitive and deep sucking on it will never bring her off. FYI.

From Fantasy to Reality

The fantasy play (pre-open relationship) that we engaged in was the most important part for us to develop and define our sexual relationship. Ginger initially wasn’t much of a talker, but I was super turned on by hearing about her sexual experiences and history. As we’d recount those stories, her body would get very aroused. I’d point that out. Then we’d talk more, or turn her prior sexual experiences into more of a fantasy direction. “Can you imagine how good it would have felt for you to take his hard cock out of your mouth and to slip it into your pussy?” Then I’d play it out while we fucked…making up and adjusting the narrative as her body responded in different ways. I’d sense if it wasn’t working and then move the story in a different direction. Occasionally, she’d say “tell me more” or “oh, not that.” She was always welcome to contribute, but didn’t find her voice often (which has now changed!).

Our fantasy play would happen in fits and spurts (no pun intended) as we became comfortable with opening ourselves, and our desires, to each other. More than anything, paying attention to her body’s reaction was really important for figuring out what was truly erotic versus what was just not doing it for her. Sometimes she’d be quiet, so there were no verbal cues but her pussy would be very, very wet. Other times she’d be more vocal—the occasional “mmm” or breathless “yeah”—letting me know we were on the right track. Ginger was comfortable expressing that she wasn’t into an idea or fantasy and we’d go in a different direction. Sometimes, I’d challenge her, gently, by point out that she didn’t need to “over-think” it—that following her body’s reaction was best—and to let go of judging herself for being turned on by an idea. We talked a lot about other men…then introduced the idea of other women…first with me and eventually with her. It all really got her hot. Then we started talking about her social interactions with women and when she’d find herself getting wet “for no reason.” Welcome to bisexuality Ginger! And thanks to the hot, inked and adorned coffee girl for pushing her over the edge! Gin still gets enormously turned on by the Suicide Girl look.

Unicorn, Briefly Recounted

We’ve referred in other posts to our first non-monogamous sexual experience with another woman. Without knowing anything, we posted on Craigslist and luckily found an amazing person to start the journey. In her first meeting with our friend, Ginger said the woman was absolutely stunning, and smart, but a little spastic. She told me about how the woman jumped up in the middle of the conversation and hustled off to the bathroom. Ginger wasn’t sure if it was over, but come to find out, the woman’s bra had mysteriously come unfastened. That’s some strong energy! Be forewarned ladies!

Orgasm is to Ginger as Snow is to Eskimo

(Yes, I realize how absolutely nerdy that subtitle is.)

Even before our openness, Ginger was multi-orgasmic. Our explorations—continued fantasy play and experiences with others—have seemed to enhance this. More than ever, she is tuned into her own body. As she recently wrote on Swingset, this includes her ability to “think off,” or orgasm without any stimulation. She has as many words for different types orgasm as Eskimos do for snow. Some of them I can offer her with my body, mouth, and fingers. Other types only come with other lovers and how they uniquely fuck her (and what they fuck her with). The orgasms she has in our power exchange play—something we have yet to include others in—are of even a different quality, and others Os come only from the female touch. She’s discovered that she really loves to be the fucker over the past year…now owning a selection of harnesses and dildos for every occasion. There is a certain look that overcomes her when she fastens her harness and selects her cock…she fucks with a gusto that’d make any male porn star envious. And even more recently she’s taken a liking to pegging me…it’s amazingly hot for me to see Ginger over me with her sexy athletic body, stimulating my P-Spot with her hands all over my cock.

All of the ways that Ginger and I enjoy sex—and the different types of orgasms she has with me and with others couldn’t make me happier. When I deliberately go to my lizard brain and consider the idea that she can experience pleasure that I cannot provide, I expect to find some kind of jealousy, or maybe even more instinctually being threatened; yet, it doesn’t happen. When I reflect on something and think about how what I’m feeling differs from what I “should” feel, it is a clear sign that the predominant cultural forces still have influence over me. Going back to the previous paragraph, I had to stop and think whether I should disclose that I like Ginger to fuck me with her favorite dildo. Will people be turned off? Will they stop reading the blog? I’m not fishing for feedback. I’ve simply arrived at the conclusion for me: Fuck how we “should” act. And feel free to arrive at your own place. I may not be into it, but I certainly won’t judge it either.

Feeling Desirous Again

Ok, no more ranting to myself. The last thing to share—for this post at least—is that we are newly addicted to naked vacations. After a couple of years going to Hedo in Jamaica and enjoying general nakedness and the adult-spring-break vibe, we went last year to Desire with Swingercast. Whoa! Now THAT is a way to vacation. Relaxed. Playful. Classy. Sensual. You know you’ve found the right place to vacation when the adjectives to describe the place are the same ways you think of yourself. We are so excited to be headed back again, April 2011, once again with the Swingercast crew. John and Allie are terrific hosts and have attracted an amazing group of people to the event. We look forward to reconnecting (pun intended) with friends from the last vacation, as well as meeting new people, such as Bare Featz and Dani Sapphire from the LifestyleLife podcast. If you’re coming, be sure to join the Swingercast private Desire forum so we can all connect before the amazing week that is to come. According to their countdown clock, a mere 182 days to wait…

How Did We End Up In Our Bathroom?

Prof and I had a super sexy fun weekend! Love that! It seems like our schedules our allowing for a bit more fun lately. We’ve come off a stretch of having no time to work in any hang out time with our sexually-open friends, or any friends for that matter. We’ve still enjoyed our time together and have anticipated this weekend where we attended a party.

It was an excellent party where we were meeting many sexy friends. In true swinger fashion, it was a costume party. Neither of our costumes consisted of much material, so we were tooling around decent and appropriate, but half naked. With so many friends we were happy to see, and so many new people to meet, it was quite a busy night. When Prof and I enjoy parties, we are not always mingling together. It happens sometimes that Prof meets fun hotties while I am off meeting others or hanging out with friends.

Before this party, we hosted a female unicorn friend in our room during pre-party while we were getting dressed in our costumes. She is someone we enjoy very much, care about and love to hang out with. She attends the same parties independently and on occasion will make plans to play on party nights. At this party, both Prof and Sexy Unicorn met the same couple, thought they were hot and fun and enjoyed their company. I had only said hello, but didn't have the chance to get to know them at all.

As the party progressed, we were all mingling and having an excellent time. The larger group of friends all knew one another already and made a plan to adjourn to one room for sexy play. As the new hot couple seemed to fold seamlessly into the group, they were invited to join. The wrinkle was they were newbies and weren't sure they were game to play in such a large group. Understandable.

While they considered their options, I and the rest of the group started the private party. Sexy Unicorn was invited to join Newbies to play, so after conferring with me, Prof extended them the offer to use our room.

So picture it: I am carried away in sexy play with friends. Prof is attempting to ascertain who is invited back to our room and if we are included in that group. And at the center of the negotiation are the understandably nervous and excited Newbies. Throw in our friend, sweet Sexy Unicorn, for good measure and you have yourself a perfect example of what not to do.

The Sexy Unicorn and Newbies finally couldn't wait any longer and took us up on our offer to use our room. At that point, Prof gently coaxed me from watching the delicious orgy action to suggest what I thought was that we should go "host" Newbies and Sexy Unicorn in our room. I agreed that would be gracious of us assuming we were invited to be part of that group.

What I hadn't considered that I realized as we were walking to our room was that I didn't feel comfortable actually sexually engaging with Newbies, because I wanted to get to know them better first. That revelation would have better served us had I realized it before we were in our room watching the sexy action. We were propositioned to join and given that I was pretty decided I wasn’t going to play, but yet conflicted, the natural thing was to…well, retreat to the bathroom of our hotel room, of course. Yeah, I know, I know…what was I thinking? The answer: not much with my hormone-clouded orgasmic brain.

After Prof realized I wasn’t planning on joining the sexies on the bed, he joined me in the bathroom. And there we were…sitting in our bathroom while everybody else was playing and orgasming.

So that's how we ended up in our bathroom.

At that point, admittedly quite late in the game, we had a clear conversation about where the hell we were going to land that night. After we sifted through the sparse and confusing communication we had throughout the night, we decided to politely excuse ourselves from our room and head back to the group. Although Newbies were very sexy and fun, I was not up for playing with them until we got to know them better. Prof honored that and happily joined me in yet another half-naked traipsing across the lawn to our friends’ room.

As we put the pieces together during a subsequent hot tub discussion, Prof and I relearned the value of consistent, clear communication throughout the night at a party, especially when five couples and a unicorn are involved. Had we not been patient with each other and honored each other's feelings, that night would have easily been a bust. But we were patient and we did honor each other's feelings and because of that had a fantastic, hot night!

In follow-up from that crazy night, we connected with Sexy Unicorn and hottie Newbies to let them know we were so happy they had an awesome time that night and look forward to getting together for a date night ahead of our next party opportunity. Prof and I are confident we won't end up in our bathroom at the next party unless it's for a delicious quickie in the shower during pre-party.

Swingers share.

Prof and I recently had a fun weekend out with sexy friends. It wasn't meant to be anything more than just fun on the town...the Platonic swinger outing, if you will. We were with a handful of hottie couples hanging out when another hottie couple we know arrived along with another couple we didn't.

My immediate intuition was that the other sexies were swingers too. As it happened, they were indeed. The four of them were out on a date and here they were in our midst! Bringing their catch into the lion's den of all places: a room full of swingers!

Were they that confident not of us would make our own move? Were they trying to ditch the lackluster dates among us and slip out the back door? Were they simply flaunting their newfound hot conquests?

Nah...none of the above.

As it turns out, swingers are typically "good sharers." Go figure. Our friends figured what a fun way to get to know another couple and introduce them to other sexy friends at the same time. We all behaved. Prof and I were friendly, but made sure to give the new "lust birds" some space to bask in that N.R.E. (new relationship energy).

As it turns out, the four of them left together toward the end of the evening. Who knows what the trajectory of their evening turned out to be. As you are in the Lifestyle longer and longer, Prof and I believe you become even better sharers, even encouraging sexy friends to meet new people and root for them in that endeavor.

In the end, we just felt great knowing there's another couple of swingers in the world moving us toward a critical mass. And, of course, we can always ask them out next time we see them, since our friends are excellent sharers.

What's life without adventure?

Oprah did a show on swinging some time ago. It profiled a PTA mom and a couple of CPAs. Oprah's audience members looked shocked. The swingers in the crowd pretended they were shocked. The swingers watching at home were completely not shocked.

Of course, demonstrating Oprah's and the production staff's general cluelessness about consensual non-monogamy, they paired the swinging segment with a segment on infidelity and spousal abuse. Great. Thanks, Oprah. With friends like you who needs enemies? Another topic for another time.

Back to the PTA mom and the CPAs...yep, that is pretty much us. We hear it over and over again. Swingers are "normal" people. Swingers have families. Swingers go to church. Hell, swingers teach Sunday School. (Oops, sorry, I meant to say "heck.") Swingers are nurses. Swingers are lawyers. Swingers are teachers. Swingers are executives. Swingers are firefighters. Swingers are your neighbors. (Unless you live next to us, then it's the other neighbors, yeah, those neighbors.)

For the most part, swingers go about living their lives just like everybody else except for the fact that their lives, especially Friday and Saturday nights, are much more fun than most people's...not just because there's wild, wanton sex EVERY weekend, but because swingers are the kind of people who really live life. Again, not just because there's is an abundant amount of fantastic sex (which there is, and contrary to popular belief, mostly with their own partners), but because they're always the friends who stay the latest at the party and they're the ones who always have a vacation planned. They're the ones who don't let an opportunity for fun and adventure go by.

I remember when Prof and I were just dipping our toes in the sexy swinger water and that very word, adventure, kept popping up on websites, in books we were reading, from other "adventurous" people we were meeting online. And you know what? It has pretty much proven to be true. People we meet in the Lifestyle are serious movers and shakers and not just on the dance floor or in the bedroom. Our Lifestyle friends have unique careers, exciting hobbies, fun families and awesome relationships with their partners.

Of course, the Lifestyle can carry with it its share of drama, but Prof and I have instituted a strict no-drama-allowed policy and if either of us feel even a little unsettled about the quality of a couple's relationship or the motives of a potential partner, we wish them well and move on. We recommend the no-drama policy to anyone thinking of exploring the Lifestyle or those already in who haven't yet adopted the aforementioned policy.

Through the no-drama policy, honoring chemistry and listening to intuition, we have cultivated a great group of sexually open friends. They keep us on our toes and entertained through sharing in their lives and adventures, including sexy vacations, hot dates, erotic parties and even occasional PTA meetings and trips to the accountant.

Here's to adventure, hotties!

My very first time...just for you.

I'll let you in on something I'm doing for the very first time. That's right, I'm a virgin in this department: writing a sex toy review.

Like spreading dark chocolate sauce over Prof's gorgeous hard body and sensuously licking it off, I don't do it all the time, but sometimes I'm just overwhelmingly moved to do so.

With that said, I spent a luxurious amount of time in Good Vibrations in San Francisco looking for just the right delicious little device to keep me company while Prof and I were apart. I browsed the dildos, vibrators of varying sizes, BDSM accoutrements and other pulse-quickening goodies.

I eventually settled in to exploring the G-spot toys. G-spot orgasms are part of what makes life worth living as I shared in a past post, so I figured I could use a few in Prof's absence. Regardless of a recent study positing that the G-spot doesn't exist, I know that I have one, where it is, how to stimulate it and that, when I'm patient, it lends to the most satisfying orgasms in the history of the world. Take that, non-sexological genetic epidemiological researchers.

After careful consideration, I decided on the G-Ki by Je Joue. Little did I know at the time, my evening was going to get surprisingly more pleasant.

The toy itself is sleek and sexy with a choice of four colors...I chose black. Worth mentioning, the G-Ki is waterproof and lends itself nicely to couple and moresomes play. It has a cool magnetic charging system for those who are dazzled by clever gadgetry. The controls are a simple + and - with five strengths of vibration and five varying pulses. Simply progress through the vibrations with the + to reach the moan-inducing pulses.

I settled in with my G-Ki and started, as they recommended, with it in the most straight position. Have your favorite lubricant on hand as you get started. (I enjoy Sliquid Organics which you can get from the Smitten Kitten...although I didn't need it that night. I was too fired up for my new toy.) Time for + 1...then + 2...then + 3...ahhh...lovely.

As I started breathing a little heavier, I tilted the adjustable head so it nodded in toward my increasingly humming G-spot. That was oh so fantastic. After almost going for it and calling it a night, I decided to press on in the name of passing along quality, thorough information to all you sexy people...so on to + 4...+ 5...then pulse. Oh my. Time to get serious.

I stopped long enough to tilt the lower adjustable spot so my G-Ki was attending both my G-spot and my clitoris. Now back to the pulse. I used the Je Joue website's recommended rocking motion to give attention to every single spot that was requiring it. I could have chosen to take a breather and prolong the ecstasy, but happily it's my very own toy and I don't need to ration the orgasms. The G-Ki certainly earned its name that night. Yum.

The G-Ki was $99 at Good Vibrations, so it is an investment. If you can only buy one toy with your entire sex toy budget, this one is worth it.

Now if you'll excuse me, after writing this review, I'm reminded I have orgasms ready and waiting.

Respect and responsibility: A consensual non-monogamist's perspective on sexual health

Ah, yes, swingers and consensual non-monogamy in the news again. This time the headline is that swingers over age 45 are at higher risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) than other groups, according to a Dutch study.

The study does bring to light the issue that swingers are an invisible group. Healthcare providers assume that if you are married/partnered you are presumed monogamous, in which case the onus is on each individual to take control of her/his health and request regular STI testing.

Unfortunately, depending on how judgmental your health care provider is, this can be a smooth process or a harrowing, embarrassing one. It should always be the former. All health care providers should create an environment in which any and all steps to ensure our health are met with acceptance and zero judgment. If you are met with judgment, move on to a healthcare professional who is mature and open-minded.

Just like the groups about which healthcare professionals make assumptions, the study compares demographic groups. Like any other demographic group as used in the study, such as "young," "gay," or "bisexual," "swingers" vary on the continuum of sexually responsible to sexually irresponsible.

This demographic grouping could include "married." Most adults engage in sexual activity and I wager that there are married partners engaged in NON-consensual non-monogamy, i.e. cheating, that don't use safer sex practices. By definition, they are irresponsible to their partners through their deceit and betrayal.

Creating a judgment of sexual behaviors based on with whom and with how many without taking into account the nature of the relationship is simply sex-negative and closed-minded.

A sex-positive perspective allows for sexual behavior that is enjoyed with safer sex practices regardless of with whom or how many partners. Just as we each have the right to decide for ourselves who our partners are and how many are appropriate, we each have the responsibility to respect ourselves and our partners by have informed conversations about our partners' sexual health and practicing safer sex.

Clearly, dealing in a mature, tolerant way regarding sexually open relationships is still beyond the capacity of our culture, as noted in the first line of this media coverage via Time.com. The first lines we read:

"As well as skeeving us all out, swingers — couples who regularly swap partners at organized parties or clubs — may have rates of sexually transmitted infection (STI) that are higher than those in high-risk groups, like female prostitutes, a Dutch study found. Middle-aged swingers, over the age of 45, were particularly vulnerable to disease. Moreover, the authors of the study said in a statement, swingers, who by definition get around a lot, 'may act as an STI transmission bridge to the entire population.'"

We are then treated to the...ummm...thoughtful wrap up of the issue: "Overall, according to the survey, the average 45-year-old makes love once a week for about 22 minutes, in a bedroom, with the lights off. It may not be the most exciting model around, but it probably beats the hell out of getting the clap."

Whoa...wow...much mainstream media coverage is this sex-negative and makes erroneous assumptions and generalizations of swingers' behavior. That's the portrayal in mainstream media of consensual non-monogamy in 2010. Clearly, there is much consciousness-raising and progress to be made ahead of us.

We all have the right to our sexual happiness and health. A positive sexual life, with whomever and however we choose, is an integral part of the healthy whole person. The reality is people who respect themselves and their lovers take preventative measures to preserve their health whether they are married, partnered, single, gay, bisexual, heterosexual, swinger, polyamorous or any combination of the above.

Slow ride. . .

Prof and I enjoy watching The L Word together. Granted it has enjoyed it's season finale, we still mourn its ending and watch, watch and rewatch.

As I have come to expect, any time we are watching and a sex scene is afoot, Prof grumbles, "There's no way. Women take four times as long to even get one article of clothing off." Not that he is panting to see hot, naked, sexy women or even see the lovely, gorgeous sex scenes, actually he's just concerned that they are inauthentically portraying sex between and among women.

Prof is an all-female sex enthusiast and not in the leering, testosterone-soaked way. He has shared with me that watching women, or specifically me with female lovers, has opened his mind to the possibilities of inventive, slow, relaxed, yet wildly passionate sex.

I think we can all take a page from the all-female hot sex playbook and just enjoy the ride. Guess what? There are more erogenous zones than just the mouth, nipples and naughty bits. Explore, enjoy the journey, savor the sights, sounds, smells, tastes. . .really soak it all in.

Prof has blogged about this phenomenon in the form of us totally enjoying the soft swap experiences we have had because it takes male-female penetrative sex off the table. Not that there's anything wrong with that. . .but it can tend to preoccupy the guys and short-circuit the circuitous route to pleasure, if you know what I mean. Pleasure is pleasure and it comes in many forms, not just that of the penetrative orgasm.

With all that said, I humbly submit as a passionately omnisexual woman that all lovers (of anyone, not just me) should s.l.o.w. d.o.w.n. Really. Explore your partner. Savor your own enjoyment. Try out some 'new moves.' Breathe. Unless you are paying by the half-hour (not that there's anything wrong with that), take your time. The lovers I have enjoyed the most are the lovers that have taken their time. And, even the lovers who haven't I would enjoy that much more if they, you guessed it, took their time.

So, let's all do our part to prolong the pleasure, encourage your lovers to slow down, really do it right. Those of us who are sex connoisseurs recognize that the slower, the better, the more confident. So go indulge in some slow, sexy, hot playing. . .female, male, intersex, many, few, alone. . .it's all good. . .just do it s.l.o.w.l.y.

Swingers, swingers everywhere, so what must people think?

Prof and I had an experience of attending a large swingers party that required the group to gather in a public space before adjourning to a private party space. Although we were all aware that we were in public and it was still late afternoon, the familiarity and flirting among the group were clearly apparent. Out on a weekend night, everyone was excited to see one another and impatient to get the party started.

I couldn't help but glance around at the presumed monogamers strolling by observing the tame, yet escalating affections among the group. People dining outdoors at the restaurants across the street seemed to be attempting to cipher who was with whom to little avail.

It still to this day leaves me wondering what observers thought seeing people, like butterflies in a wildflower patch, moving seamlessly from one hottie to the next kissing hello and flirting mercilessly. Did they make us out to be a group of singles? And upon closer inspection were they shocked? Confused? Entertained? Turned on?

Although I can be the enthusiastic exhibitionist, I was less titillated and more intellectually curious about their impressions. I do believe that dispelling stereotypes about non-monogamers can stem from open illustrations that, guess what, we are pretty much just like everybody else. Now that's not to say I believe that swinger parties should be on display to the world to prove a point, certainly not after 10:00 p.m.! However, the consensual non-monogamy movement, if such a united front exists, could take a page from the GLBTQQIA movement and show the world through openness that we are everywhere.

With all that said, Prof and I are not there yet. And honestly, neither is our culture. Although we feel liberated and grateful for having examined the cultural and religious construct of mandated monogamy and come to the conclusion that it had no place in our relationship, we are keenly aware of the risks of being out in the current culture.

As Prof and I evolve in our relationship and as consensual non-monogamy continues to gain positive exposure and trend into the mainstream, we see light on the other side of the closet. Until then, we will continue our subtle progress toward being out and our obvious support of everything sex-positive.

Just not enough time in the day. . .

Prof and I have a sexy party coming up this weekend. We are SOOO ready to go party it up, hang out with sexy friends, do some dancing and see where the night takes us. We are way overdue for our erotic-night-with-open-hot-friends fix. For us, that type of night can take on so many delicious forms: from flirty dancing and taking the hormones back to our room to enjoy each other every which way, to a group sex scenario as naughty as the hottest porn. We'll see what comes to play this weekend.

As for the last month, well, that has been a different story. As can happen, life seems to have gotten in the way of us fully enjoying our open sexuality. We have been apart a fair amount of time. We have had an overload of typical life commitments, so couldn't schedule our own fun gathering. And, our regular group parties had a long stretch in between last month's and this month's. We have been having fun pleasuring each other, of course! But even that time spent together has been of the smash and grab variety, meaning we have little time and quick and opportunistic is the best we've been able to manage. Needless to say, quickies are hot and serve their purpose, but the über-sexed cannot live on quickies alone!

The reality is we all fall prey to the occasional dearth of sexy times. I wish I had a solution to having enough sexy time and keeping the planning pipeline full. I've read in a number of resources regarding managing open relationships that those of us who are open tend to have busy lives and Type A personalities as it is, so they say. Add to that a lover or two and the desire to regularly immerse yourself in the culture of open sexuality at parties or other gatherings with like-minded folks and . . .voilá! Practically speaking, you have a scheduling nightmare. It really does take focus and practice to sustain more complex relationships. Could that be the practical bottom line for default culturally-mandated monogamy? That it is just too damn hard to keep up with, nurture and sustain more than one lover?

I heard a saying once about defining swingers compared to the polyamorous: "With swingers you get dinner and drinks and a sexy night, but with the polyamorous you get breakfast too." While that may be a clever and witty, what happens when you are the kind of "swingers" that often enjoy breakfast with lovers or integrated vanilla/swinger/poly family events? As the lines between swinger and poly become more and more blurred and hazy, it has become a process for Prof and I that makes us feel more authentic and true to who we are. We also tend to attract lovers and sexually-open friends who enjoy and flourish when the lines become blurred. That has only exacerbated the already tricky proposition of navigating such a complex and full schedule.

With all that said, I wouldn't change a single thing. Being open has brought us so many amazing experiences together and with other chosen sexy friends. Gatherings would be lonely without our sexually-open friends. Further, having concentrated time among like-minded friends alone recharges our batteries to confront the sexually-repressive, sex-negative culture more and more as we continue to evolve ourselves.

I guess I would change one thing: To keep an eye to making time for sex-positive fun in the schedule, starting with this weekend.

Headed to the O Zone

You're traveling to another dimension, a dimension, not only of sight and sound, but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. Next stop, the O Zone. . .

Okay, hotties, I am over-aroused and under-sexed right now. Anticipating a weekend during which I am transported to the O Zone over and over, I thought it would be fun to share the list Prof and I created of the types of orgasms I experience. This is anything but a scientific or clinical description of types of orgasms. The names and descriptions are based solely on our multi-orgasmic personal experience.

I will say, that I believe that every person, including you too guys, is capable of multiple orgasms. The mind is the most sensitive erogenous zone, yet the trickiest to surrender during sexual experience. More on that in a later post.

As I wander through the O Zone accompanied by luscious, skilled lovers or all by myself, these are a few choice climaxes I encounter:

• Quick and dirty: Just what it sounds like. . .it usually comes from penetration, often from behind, when we have just a few minutes. These are the primer orgasms. A bit satisfying, but really they just wind me up for more sexy action later.
• TGIF: I love the TGIF. It's the result of long lingering sex play and is what many refer to as the blended orgasm: stimulation of both the clitoris and G-spot resulting in an orgasm that turns me into that panting, sweaty, utterly satisfied woman dozing off in your bed.
• Synchro: This orgasm happens when Prof and I hit the O Zone simultaneously. Synchronized orgasms include the added satisfaction for me of feeling his body climaxing at the same time. Oh my.
• DP: Ooohh. . .the DP is the full-body, knock-out-punch orgasm that happens when I'm patient enough for the clitoral, vaginal and anal stimulation to crescendo together.
• Fingercuffs: From the truly excellent, not-to-be-missed film Chasing Amy, lesbianish love interest, Alyssa, is nicknamed Fingercuffs for enjoying oral and penetration at the same time. For me, this is an awesome mind-fuck orgasm all its own because it's so dirty and so crazy hot.
• The empty O: The empty O happens when climaxing with no penetration. Oh so many ways this O can happen, mostly during delicious grinding, receiving or giving fantastic oral or during a strap-on session. Yes, you read that right. ::wink::
• Straight up G: Usually some time into penetrative sex there comes a time when the G-spot becomes undeniable. This orgasm is straight up G-spot stimulation and hurts so good.
• Endorphin addict: Any orgasm resulting from athletic or BDSM-related play. These climaxes have a fantastic edge. I am addicted.
• Juicy fruit: Any climax accompanied by ejaculation. I'm not fond of the term "squirter" because it has become so exploited in porn. Therefore, when I go to that place, I am simply "juicy" and call the O a "juicy fruit." And when I see the gum while checking out at the grocery store, I get that naughty smirk on my face.
• The smother: This is the orgasm that always accompanies being full of a large cock or dildo. I'm a fan. . .a big fan.
• Porno: Even while engaged in porn-like, intense in-and-out penetration, I can orgasm. It is usually a teaser orgasm making me crave slower, deeper grinding.
• Squeeze: Yummy! The Kegel orgasm! It's the go-anywhere, do it in traffic O! To all my sexy, female hotties: do those Kegels for yourself. You never know where you might end up accidentally orgasming. And, guys, Kegels aren't just for the sexy women, those are the same muscles that play a role in your ability to ejaculate at just the right time.
• The Diddy and the P Diddy: These are the masturbation-induced climaxes. The Diddy is sans penetration and the P Diddy includes penetration; these orgasms always seem to leave me wanting more, not sure if their namesake would.
• South African style: Inspired by sexy friends, this type of orgasm happens without any physical stimulation at all. It is purely a mind-body energy O. Not for the impatient or the skeptical, this climax is a full-body orgasm worth every bit of the surrender it takes to experience.
• "And that's kicking your ass": Last, but hardly least, the name of this O is an homage to the fight scene in Charlie's Angels where Drew Barrymore's character, Dylan, announces to a room full of unconscious men she just knocked out one by one, "And that's kicking your ass!" It is after this climax that I am barely conscious myself.

I must be clear this list is not, I repeat, not, meant to imply that the orgasm is the ultimate goal of sex play. The phrase "enjoy the journey" is meant to refer to sex. Broaden your definition of orgasm to include those delicious peaks of energy that happen while playing. Having a goal line mentality, that the big O is the grand finale, limits your ability to enjoy the natural high and low tides of pleasure while playing. Mindful sex play, being in the moment, good old sensate focus not only makes for more erotic sex, but also is the gateway to the O Zone if, indeed, you wish to wander through during your sexy session.

**The Prof and I would like to thank two sexy friends for creating and sharing our awesome new banner! You guys rock!**

Better living through chemistry

How is it that someone can be intelligent, funny, gorgeous and sexy as hell, yet you discover you have not one bit of desire to be sexual with him? Or you meet someone who is outside of your typical attraction sweet spot, yet you become immediately seduced and consumed by her hotness. The answer: chemistry. Elusive chemistry.

One of the mysteries of the Lifestyle is the concept of chemistry. You can go out on a hot date, have a great dinner, enjoy excellent conversation, but when you hit the dance floor discover you're just not feeling it.

Of course, there is the opposite phenomenon. You experience the cliché: You see someone from across the room, your eyes meet and you immediately visualize his naked, sweaty body smothering you during mind-blowing, time-space-continuum warping action.

I personally prefer the latter. Go figure.

In the years Prof and I have had an open relationship, we have discussed, explored, examined, rehashed and analyzed the concept of chemistry and have come to a clear conclusion: We haven't the faintest clue how to unravel such a mystery. Anticipating chemistry, discovering the source of chemistry and trying to create chemistry is truly Lifestyle alchemy.

In the wake of the Gordian knot that is erotic chemistry, Prof and I have simply devised methods for keeping our heads above water in lieu of seeking a solution. Here are a few of our tried and true flotation devices:

• Accept a declined invitation with no judgment. Simply because someone does not wish to be sexual with you does not mean you are unattractive or unsexy. Reading into a person's rationale for declining your advance is speculative at best. Move on from that circumstance with no hard feelings knowing that off-the-charts chemistry with another hottie is likely right around the corner.

• Understand you reserve the right to simply say "no thank you" and offer no rationale. We all have the right to be sexual with whom we choose when we choose. This is a riff off of the Lifestyle mantra "no means no." No rationale is necessary when following your attraction.

• Some Lifestyle friends will become friends minus benefits. The reality is having platonic Lifestyle friends is part of being in the Lifestyle. Having open-minded and fun platonic Lifestyle friends adds a dimension to swinging not to be missed. If everyone was attracted to everyone all the time, we would be left without the mystery and beauty of the seduction dance. And we all know the chase is a significant part of the hot fun.

• Intense, passionate chemistry with someone new can be perceived by partners as unsettling or complete ecstasy. On the flip side of the lack of chemistry is the all-consuming, fierce and exceptional attraction. Often this type of attraction feels like a force of nature, truly almost undeniable. For some partners, observing this type of chemistry can trigger twinges of jealousy. In this case, it is important to have honest, clear communication about the emotions you're experiencing. It is also important to remember that often this type of chemistry is bolstered by, what non-monogamers call, new relationship energy or N.R E. If you find that any scenario is too unsettling, it is best to disengage. For many partners, observing your partner experiencing the heights of ecstasy with another is its own ecstasy. This is a concept, often evoked by non-monogamers, called compersion. Whether we realize it or not, many of us in open relationships enjoy and thrive on the experience of compersion. (For more in-depth discussion of compersion, read The Ethical Slut and Opening Up, two excellent resources for those of us in alternative relationships.)

• When you find and experience amazing chemistry, be in the moment and enjoy it! That doesn't necessarily mean you run off to the bedroom. Take it slow. Enjoy every hormonal zing, the lingering eye contact, the casual touches, the compliments...and dish it all out mercilessly knowing you're feeding the desire. It truly doesn't get any hotter!

The bottom line is the ongoing search for elusive chemistry keeps erotic energy flowing, smiles on our faces and all of us looking forward to the next date. Have fun with it!

"My cheeks hurt from laughing!"

In the afterglow of Desire, Prof and I are constantly reliving the sexy, hot times we had. The atmosphere was incredible. The food was sumptuous. The drinks were fortifying. The views were stunning. The breeze was caressing. The sun on our naked bodies was soothing. The ocean was refreshing while the hot tub was entrancing. We had sensory and stimulation overload, in the best way possible of course.

This profusion of sensory seduction pales in comparison to the experience of the people: so hot, so sexy, so erotic. . .and so witty. Yes, you heard me. Witty. Not only was this indomitable crew led by John and Allie sexing up the place, but they also brought their clever conversation A-game. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. In the words of one of the sexy crew, "My cheeks hurt from laughing!" No, not those cheeks, the ones on your face, you dirty-minded hottie!

So here is just a smattering of what we overheard at Desire besides some very able accents, impromptu, well-executed show tunes and constant sounds of sexual satisfaction. While some things are best left to the imagination, it is important to immortalize the best of the best of things overheard at Desire. A few of these may motivate you join the group in 2011 for the full experience!

"Drink up. The more rum you drink, the better I look."

"No, that's not duck tape, it's Kentucky pasties."

"Have you had all the blow jobs you can handle yet?"

(Considering.) "Ummmm. . . no, no, can't say that I have."

"The group is sexual, but it is not just about the sex."

"If she was any hotter, it would be scary."

"What time is it?"

"Ummm. . .let's see," looks at wrist with no watch, "looks like it is swing o'clock."

"The server on the beach won't bring me water. She just keeps telling me I am on vacation and brings me another mojito."

T-shirt saying: "I came to Desire with Swingercast and all I got was a triple blow job."

Remembering Desire is a clothing-optional resort. . .asked while people were in the hot tub: "Do you have a pen?"

"I can't hurry, I am wearing pleather pants."

"Wow! Lots of guys are rocking the man-sarong."

The staff attempting to maintain the rules and order: "No coochie coochie in the cabana."

"After all of our action last night in the play tent, they are taking it down. Clearly, what we all did could not be topped. We were being so dirty, they even had to hose the whole area down."

On the dance floor: "What day is it?" she asks. He replies, "Ummm. . .not really sure," then asks another hottie, "What is today?" No one knew the answer and the quest for the knowledge of what day it was was abandoned.

"Whoa! I just had seven Gingergasms!"

"Let's give him a 'duelly.'"

"Who's Julie? I haven't met her."

"No, let's give him a 'DUELLY,' as in double blow job."

"Ohhh. . . absolutely!"

"The sex toy bag weighs 49 pounds. She's a packing ninja!"

"Hot tub happy hour. . .get in with your sunglasses on, get out when the moon comes out, maybe get off sometime in between."

"No, not 'EP' as in extended play. 'DP' as in double penetration."

"Well, how about 'EPDP'?"

"We need to do research to ascertain whether the enjoyment of the blow job varies by language spoken by the woman doing the oral." (There were plenty of male volunteers to help with that research.)

"The most dangerous place to be is between her and her orgasm."

"We came back to the room after the cleaning woman and she stood all of the dildos up. Apparently, the staff wants all the cocks erect and ready."

During a play session: "Come on in for the assist."

"I've never seen that position before."

"Really? Let's go practice."

Questions about swinger etiquette: "Do you interrupt others playing to say 'goodbye'?" How about: "Is it appropriate to tell her her ass is so hot it makes me want to bite it?"

"Hey, stop blowing him. You two are late for an orgy."

"My outfit had a fantastic time. I was just along for the ride."

And, last, but not least: "I'm not that familiar with U.S. geography, but I am discovering it one lady at a time."

This is hardly an exhaustive list. Sexy friends, if you have words that must be immortalized, pass them along! Gracias!

Feeling Desirous

Desire. The resort’s name is apropos of everything. It’s what you feel when your planning on going. Desire. It’s what you experience when you’re there. Desire. It’s what you long for the moment you leave.

Ginger chronicled the sweet anticipation for the Swingercast trip to Desire in the Wait for it...wait for it… entry. And we will be sharing many more of our observations—and experiences too (with names to protect the sexy)—in our upcoming blogs. For that, you’ll have to wait. Such a tease, aren’t I?

That leaves us with parting Desire: a desire much deeper than the notion that we are anxious to return. Yes, that is certainly the case. As is the case for most people with busy, full lives, we started thinking ahead and considering the next opportunity to return. We actually started that process in advance of even stepping foot on the property. The experiences only further solidified our plans.

Beyond the idea that we’re already in anticipation of the beach’s warm sun and the resort’s classy amenities, it’s the erotic people for which we will hold the desire. In our lizard brains, this manifests as both memories and anticipation of the orgasms—the raw sexual energy openly shared and passed between friends and sometimes even strangers. Well, strangers until the next morning, at least, when a playful friend introduces himself to Ginger and asks her name following a hot make out session in the club the night prior. But that is its own story…Sex was in the air. And we did our part to pay it forward.

Intellectually, we desire the conversations that seamlessly flowed. From ‘real world’ occupations and family histories, to the sharing of sexual experiences and fantasies. The conversations were spontaneous. Some—light and airy. Others—deep and meaningful. Many—filled with laughter. Anywhere and everything was fair game. Hanging out nude in on the beach beds? Well, expect someone may saunter up and strike up a discussion. At lunch, we talked about oral techniques. Over drinks, we’d regale each other with tales. Some shared their sexual adventures. Others talked about what the Lifestyle was like for them. There were no hushed voices during the dinner conversation about double penetration (DP) techniques. To the contrary, the group from across the way—upon seeing one person’s concept of the ‘best’ approach—yelled out “Are you talking about DP!?!”

Most significantly, we desire the social openness. Full cultural immersion to be more specific. People who are from all different parts of the world and walks of life, yet are fully respectful of others as individuals and couples. People who are sexual, but not obsessed. People who are kinky and own it. Perfectly curvy women and petite French snacks. Men of all shapes and men of all sizes. People who are new to the Lifestyle, as well as those that are old school. Those trying new things with a toe in the water, and those going so deep that scuba gear would be in order. And among all of this diversity we were bonded by a simple paradigm: being oneself. As individual sexual beings. As couples sharing new sexual experiences. The balanced existence of voyeurs and exhibitionists. Dominant and submissive. Sadistic and masochistic. The morning risers and those who keep it up all night…

We feel like part of the “Oceanic Six” from Lost. On the way home from the island, the group decides that the ‘real world’ can’t handle the truth. So they make up a story. They share the cover story with their friends and family and in the process of being re-acculturated, they realize how much has changed. Inside themselves that is. Cultural changes happen at glacial speed. People change faster—particularly when challenged. When learning is experiential. And when they are loved and supported in the process. We know we are changed. Yet, we’re re-entering a society that has all the same hang-ups as it did last week. We’re holding tight…to the memories…to the Desire.

p.s. In editing this entry together on the plane, I leaned over to Ginger to ask the following in a rather loud, matter-of-fact tone: "Should it read 'sadist and masochist' or 'sadistic and masochistic'?" After turning heads and our outburst of laughter, we decided on the latter.

Going Soft?

Ginger and I have always been full swap. Before playing with other couples, we talked about the kinds of experiences would like. At the time Tristan Taormino's book Opening Up didn't exist--such a resource certainly would have helped us have more pointed conversations--but I do believe we would have arrived at the same place, initially at least. We enjoyed the discussions, often meandering ones, and the mix of fantasy and reality...a building of potential energy.

As the conversations intensified and certainly as the actions of "finding" someone became real, we were able to discuss very specifically the kinds of things we liked. For me, the idea of Ginger playing with another woman was equally as hot as the idea of her being serviced by multiple men in the same evening. The former was where we landed, while the latter remains but a fantasy...

As presented in Opening Up, and in our other conversations with friends, we appreciate that everyone chooses their own path. Even without the benefit of any experiences, the idea of full swap was more than titillating...more like exhilarating. Our first foray into non-monogamy, both with a female and then with a couple, reinforced that opening up our relationship was not only greatly satisfying sexually, but continually stimulating to our commitment to each other.

We remain friends with both our first lover--who has gone on to a long term relationship--as well as our first couple, who has been out of the lifestyle now for some time. As our exploration has continued, it has become clear that not all lovers stack up. Not to be too critical or blunt, but in spite of some really great chemistry that we've had with others, we are too often left wondering to ourselves...what happened?

This brings us to the idea of going soft. Why? The number one reason would probably be to eliminate the fucking goal. Literally, the goal of getting to fuck. What's wrong with enjoying the build-up? Putting on some music. Turning down the lights. And not in the name of romance. Think watching. Think real live sex show. That stars your partner. Could it get any hotter?

For us, full swap disappointments have taken on two forms: 1. The inpatient lovers--the bull in the china shop who shoots his load (yes, guys it's mostly you) before things even seem to get started. 2. The neglected lovers--here, think the "am I not enough to get your attention" or the "let's fuck, not watch" kind of attitude. So can going soft be the magic elixir to these ailments?

I must confess that I formerly had the perception that the "soft swap" couples were simply in transition...unable to go "all the way" but still wanting to taste the cherry. Could it be that they had it right all along? They enjoy the best of both worlds: the exploration and the foreplay, and then the experience of their primary lover knowing which buttons to push to send them off into the stratosphere...

Soft swap could connect so well with how Ginger and I enjoy playing with each other. Having a very long buildup, getting close to orgasm--perhaps enjoying a teasing release--and then slowly crescendoing in to a mind-blowing experience. When Ginger and I were with our first lover, I would watch for several hours and not ever be sure as to whether I would be included in the dynamic. It was simply a beautiful thing to watch two female shapes intermingled. There was no rushing. It was never predictable. But it was always hot!

Are these the experiences that we'd be trying to re-create in a soft swap dynamic? Or is it simply the delusions created when one has watched too much of the L-Word? And, perhaps most importantly, how will Ginger get fucked by a covey (or is it a bevy?) of guys that we've been fantasizing about? Soft swap?...only with an edge.