Thursday, May 20, 2010

Just not enough time in the day. . .

Prof and I have a sexy party coming up this weekend. We are SOOO ready to go party it up, hang out with sexy friends, do some dancing and see where the night takes us. We are way overdue for our erotic-night-with-open-hot-friends fix. For us, that type of night can take on so many delicious forms: from flirty dancing and taking the hormones back to our room to enjoy each other every which way, to a group sex scenario as naughty as the hottest porn. We'll see what comes to play this weekend.

As for the last month, well, that has been a different story. As can happen, life seems to have gotten in the way of us fully enjoying our open sexuality. We have been apart a fair amount of time. We have had an overload of typical life commitments, so couldn't schedule our own fun gathering. And, our regular group parties had a long stretch in between last month's and this month's. We have been having fun pleasuring each other, of course! But even that time spent together has been of the smash and grab variety, meaning we have little time and quick and opportunistic is the best we've been able to manage. Needless to say, quickies are hot and serve their purpose, but the über-sexed cannot live on quickies alone!

The reality is we all fall prey to the occasional dearth of sexy times. I wish I had a solution to having enough sexy time and keeping the planning pipeline full. I've read in a number of resources regarding managing open relationships that those of us who are open tend to have busy lives and Type A personalities as it is, so they say. Add to that a lover or two and the desire to regularly immerse yourself in the culture of open sexuality at parties or other gatherings with like-minded folks and . . .voilá! Practically speaking, you have a scheduling nightmare. It really does take focus and practice to sustain more complex relationships. Could that be the practical bottom line for default culturally-mandated monogamy? That it is just too damn hard to keep up with, nurture and sustain more than one lover?

I heard a saying once about defining swingers compared to the polyamorous: "With swingers you get dinner and drinks and a sexy night, but with the polyamorous you get breakfast too." While that may be a clever and witty, what happens when you are the kind of "swingers" that often enjoy breakfast with lovers or integrated vanilla/swinger/poly family events? As the lines between swinger and poly become more and more blurred and hazy, it has become a process for Prof and I that makes us feel more authentic and true to who we are. We also tend to attract lovers and sexually-open friends who enjoy and flourish when the lines become blurred. That has only exacerbated the already tricky proposition of navigating such a complex and full schedule.

With all that said, I wouldn't change a single thing. Being open has brought us so many amazing experiences together and with other chosen sexy friends. Gatherings would be lonely without our sexually-open friends. Further, having concentrated time among like-minded friends alone recharges our batteries to confront the sexually-repressive, sex-negative culture more and more as we continue to evolve ourselves.

I guess I would change one thing: To keep an eye to making time for sex-positive fun in the schedule, starting with this weekend.

1 comment:

  1. I like the distinction between swinger and poly. I'd say I'm much more poly.

    "Having concentrated time among like-minded friends alone recharges our batteries to confront the sexually-repressive, sex-negative culture more and more as we continue to evolve ourselves."

    Awesome! My GF read this quote to me in the car today. I love it.