Friday, October 30, 2009


It seems as though I have been inundated with exposure to all things female orgasm lately: personal conversations, news articles, books, research, podcasts. . . I have gleaned a number of titillating and novel insights from these various sources, but first my personal perspective.

Any and all orgasms are good orgasms. Interestingly, the history of the researched female orgasm includes a debate, initiated by Freud, about which orgasm is the best orgasm ably alluded to most recently here by Domina Doll and in the presentation in question, this Dodson and Ross video.

It seems to me that this debate about orgasms is a lot like a debate about the comparative value of varietals of chocolate. We certainly all have our preferences among the options, but isn't the bottom line that chocolate is fantastic?

Unfortunately, among the sexually less-enlightened, many women must be convinced that orgasms have a place in their lives at all. This is particularly true for the many partnered women who have handed over their sexuality to their male partners for his sole pleasure. Sad, but true. Those women hold a special place in my heart. They are the women I feel most passionately about sharing the perspective that orgasms have value in their lives and how to get to that place where they own their sexuality.

So, with that said, I encourage support for experiencing any and all orgasms in any way and for any reason you get to "O." The following is some "juicy" orgasmic trivia:

Orgasmic Fun Fact #1: Orgasms have life prolonging potential.
One way to share the message for the widest possible audience to hear it is to point to the fact that research has shown that the mere experience of orgasms prolongs your life! Is there anyone who can argue against that? Granted the research is not broad (yet), but any research that shows that something wildly pleasurable and utterly safe prolongs my life is research to follow in my book.

Orgasmic Fun Fact #2: Some research has shown the wealthier the male partner, the more orgasms to expect.
Researchers at Newcastle University who are studying the utility of the female orgasm have found a connection between wealth of a male partner and the frequency of orgasm for their female partners. According to this study, the ability to make a living and an orgasm are connected. They maintain it is an evolutionary adaptation for women to seek "high-quality" mates with financial success and the ability to give orgasms as indicators of quality. Clearly, I need to create a seminar for men entitled: "The Way to Financial Success is Through Her Clitoris" or "How to Make Your First G-Spot Million."

Orgasmic Fun Fact #3: Orgasms can and do happen during childbirth.
The taboo connection between sex and childbirth has always puzzled me. I mean, really, how did most of us end up getting here in the first place? Likely after 40 weeks or so after our moms got it on. When that time comes, women are culturally conditioned to believe that childbirth is the most excruciating experience they will ever go through. However, as many birth attendants will tell you, when women are allowed to experience natural childbirth (which is becoming more rare in the U.S.) orgasms can and do happen. So there it is. It isn't my preferred route to the big O, but for those of you that can make it happen, I say "hells yeah, sister!"

Orgasmic Fun Fact #4: Sexologists can ascertain whether a woman orgasms vaginally by how she walks.
A study done by researchers in Scotland and Belgium showed that trained sexologists could tell 80% of the time whether a woman experienced vaginal orgasms. The correlation is connected to a longer, fluid, more confident stride. Now the reality is that their are layers of complex connection here that I could take hours to dive into from a sexological perspective. But I'll save that for another time. I will second Suzie Heumann's prescription that women who are interested in broadening their orgasmic repertoire to include the vaginal orgasm should include fun activities that increase their pelvic flexibility and movement. And plenty of Kegels can only help.

Orgasmic Fun Fact #5: We have so much to learn about the female orgasm.
I am supportive of all the research we can possibly do on the female orgasm. Every single woman is capable of and deserves to have as many orgasms as she can! In the meantime, read The Science of Orgasm to brush up on your scientific knowledge to date.

Orgasmic Fun Fact #6: There are infinite ways to reach orgasm. Try them all!
Now is the experiential part of the presentation. Go have fun!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Loving the heat and the hot sun too!

Oh so HOT here in Miami! With so many sexy vibes, I'm diving in with my first blog post. The Prof does such a fantastic job sharing our thoughts and perspective, it has taken a catalyst like Swingfest to get me fired up to write.

One fact is crystal clear when in a place where every one is a swinger: this atmosphere is the ultimate comfort for those of us with an alternative sexual lifestyle. Chatting with other swingers the theme that always comes through is how relaxing and enjoyable it is to be yourself, fully and completely. There is so much value in that. Those of you who haven't yet ventured into a swingers-only venue, you absolutely must take the plunge. You will be so glad you did. Swingers are generally the most open, communicative and friendly people you will meet!

Personally, seeing people in their truly natural sexual state, being their authentic sexual selves, is one of my favorite things. The freedom people exhibit when they know they are accepted just as they are is beautiful. It is the way we should be able to relate everywhere, including the vanilla world. Unfortunately that is not currently the case culturally. So until we evolve culturally to the place of accepting that sexuality and the right to enjoy it is an integral part of who we all are, we the sexually enlightened gather as often as possible in the few havens for free sexual expression.

In local swing clubs, at places like Hedonism, Desire and a resort we just learned about this trip, Caliente, you can be yourself wholly and completely. You can share your sexuality far and wide. Now that means different things for different people from voyeurism and petting while watching to an orgy experience. The one guarantee is that it is all on your terms. The swinger mantra "no means no" is honored. You can have the experience you want whatever that means for you.

The Prof and I have enjoyed this atmosphere and have learned from the experiences. The bottom line for the very hottest time is to communicate clearly with everyone in your orbit.

If you are sexy dancing with someone and that is as far as you would like to take it, say so.

If you want to take things further, there is nothing more fun than a well-thought-out proposition like, "You are turning me on so much dancing. I would love to feel your sexy hips moving under me like that. Would you like to come to my room?" Obviously, if you are partnered, you have already communicated with your partner about such an arrangement. Now it is time to give that person time to communicate with their partner if they have one.

Knowing that when you proposition someone or a couple that we all share the same right to enjoy the sex we want and when we want it. A simple no is an acceptable answer for anyone and everyone. That is part of the beauty of free sexual expression. Don't read into a declined invitation. Let it be and move on. Know that you are amazing and sexy and only the right experiences for you will come to pass.

When the right experience does happen it is the ultimate satisfaction. Watching people last night in the group playrooms alone can get me off, but when you become a part of that energy it is wild. The Prof and I enjoyed each other last night with sexy people watching. Just feeling their arousal through their eyes on me was just the edge I needed. Hearing the sounds of other hotties being satisfied in so many creative ways builds the heat between The Prof and me.

The Prof always sends me into uncharted sexual territory. His nuanced knowledge of my desires due to our strong communication as well as his masterful ability to play my body like his own personal musical instrument leads to the hottest times every time. Last night he would get me to the very edge of a powerful orgasm and leave me there with no resolution. When he knew that the next time he built up my desire was the time, he intentionally brought me over the edge into two wild climaxes. Both much stronger and satisfying than if he had just given me what I wanted the first time. The Prof just knows.

As I write the sun has come back out, the music from the pool is calling and The Prof is probably finishing his workout. It is time for me to get out into the Miami sun before I really get the full experience of the heat again tonight!