Headed to the O Zone

You're traveling to another dimension, a dimension, not only of sight and sound, but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. Next stop, the O Zone. . .

Okay, hotties, I am over-aroused and under-sexed right now. Anticipating a weekend during which I am transported to the O Zone over and over, I thought it would be fun to share the list Prof and I created of the types of orgasms I experience. This is anything but a scientific or clinical description of types of orgasms. The names and descriptions are based solely on our multi-orgasmic personal experience.

I will say, that I believe that every person, including you too guys, is capable of multiple orgasms. The mind is the most sensitive erogenous zone, yet the trickiest to surrender during sexual experience. More on that in a later post.

As I wander through the O Zone accompanied by luscious, skilled lovers or all by myself, these are a few choice climaxes I encounter:

• Quick and dirty: Just what it sounds like. . .it usually comes from penetration, often from behind, when we have just a few minutes. These are the primer orgasms. A bit satisfying, but really they just wind me up for more sexy action later.
• TGIF: I love the TGIF. It's the result of long lingering sex play and is what many refer to as the blended orgasm: stimulation of both the clitoris and G-spot resulting in an orgasm that turns me into that panting, sweaty, utterly satisfied woman dozing off in your bed.
• Synchro: This orgasm happens when Prof and I hit the O Zone simultaneously. Synchronized orgasms include the added satisfaction for me of feeling his body climaxing at the same time. Oh my.
• DP: Ooohh. . .the DP is the full-body, knock-out-punch orgasm that happens when I'm patient enough for the clitoral, vaginal and anal stimulation to crescendo together.
• Fingercuffs: From the truly excellent, not-to-be-missed film Chasing Amy, lesbianish love interest, Alyssa, is nicknamed Fingercuffs for enjoying oral and penetration at the same time. For me, this is an awesome mind-fuck orgasm all its own because it's so dirty and so crazy hot.
• The empty O: The empty O happens when climaxing with no penetration. Oh so many ways this O can happen, mostly during delicious grinding, receiving or giving fantastic oral or during a strap-on session. Yes, you read that right. ::wink::
• Straight up G: Usually some time into penetrative sex there comes a time when the G-spot becomes undeniable. This orgasm is straight up G-spot stimulation and hurts so good.
• Endorphin addict: Any orgasm resulting from athletic or BDSM-related play. These climaxes have a fantastic edge. I am addicted.
• Juicy fruit: Any climax accompanied by ejaculation. I'm not fond of the term "squirter" because it has become so exploited in porn. Therefore, when I go to that place, I am simply "juicy" and call the O a "juicy fruit." And when I see the gum while checking out at the grocery store, I get that naughty smirk on my face.
• The smother: This is the orgasm that always accompanies being full of a large cock or dildo. I'm a fan. . .a big fan.
• Porno: Even while engaged in porn-like, intense in-and-out penetration, I can orgasm. It is usually a teaser orgasm making me crave slower, deeper grinding.
• Squeeze: Yummy! The Kegel orgasm! It's the go-anywhere, do it in traffic O! To all my sexy, female hotties: do those Kegels for yourself. You never know where you might end up accidentally orgasming. And, guys, Kegels aren't just for the sexy women, those are the same muscles that play a role in your ability to ejaculate at just the right time.
• The Diddy and the P Diddy: These are the masturbation-induced climaxes. The Diddy is sans penetration and the P Diddy includes penetration; these orgasms always seem to leave me wanting more, not sure if their namesake would.
• South African style: Inspired by sexy friends, this type of orgasm happens without any physical stimulation at all. It is purely a mind-body energy O. Not for the impatient or the skeptical, this climax is a full-body orgasm worth every bit of the surrender it takes to experience.
• "And that's kicking your ass": Last, but hardly least, the name of this O is an homage to the fight scene in Charlie's Angels where Drew Barrymore's character, Dylan, announces to a room full of unconscious men she just knocked out one by one, "And that's kicking your ass!" It is after this climax that I am barely conscious myself.

I must be clear this list is not, I repeat, not, meant to imply that the orgasm is the ultimate goal of sex play. The phrase "enjoy the journey" is meant to refer to sex. Broaden your definition of orgasm to include those delicious peaks of energy that happen while playing. Having a goal line mentality, that the big O is the grand finale, limits your ability to enjoy the natural high and low tides of pleasure while playing. Mindful sex play, being in the moment, good old sensate focus not only makes for more erotic sex, but also is the gateway to the O Zone if, indeed, you wish to wander through during your sexy session.

**The Prof and I would like to thank two sexy friends for creating and sharing our awesome new banner! You guys rock!**

Better living through chemistry

How is it that someone can be intelligent, funny, gorgeous and sexy as hell, yet you discover you have not one bit of desire to be sexual with him? Or you meet someone who is outside of your typical attraction sweet spot, yet you become immediately seduced and consumed by her hotness. The answer: chemistry. Elusive chemistry.

One of the mysteries of the Lifestyle is the concept of chemistry. You can go out on a hot date, have a great dinner, enjoy excellent conversation, but when you hit the dance floor discover you're just not feeling it.

Of course, there is the opposite phenomenon. You experience the cliché: You see someone from across the room, your eyes meet and you immediately visualize his naked, sweaty body smothering you during mind-blowing, time-space-continuum warping action.

I personally prefer the latter. Go figure.

In the years Prof and I have had an open relationship, we have discussed, explored, examined, rehashed and analyzed the concept of chemistry and have come to a clear conclusion: We haven't the faintest clue how to unravel such a mystery. Anticipating chemistry, discovering the source of chemistry and trying to create chemistry is truly Lifestyle alchemy.

In the wake of the Gordian knot that is erotic chemistry, Prof and I have simply devised methods for keeping our heads above water in lieu of seeking a solution. Here are a few of our tried and true flotation devices:

• Accept a declined invitation with no judgment. Simply because someone does not wish to be sexual with you does not mean you are unattractive or unsexy. Reading into a person's rationale for declining your advance is speculative at best. Move on from that circumstance with no hard feelings knowing that off-the-charts chemistry with another hottie is likely right around the corner.

• Understand you reserve the right to simply say "no thank you" and offer no rationale. We all have the right to be sexual with whom we choose when we choose. This is a riff off of the Lifestyle mantra "no means no." No rationale is necessary when following your attraction.

• Some Lifestyle friends will become friends minus benefits. The reality is having platonic Lifestyle friends is part of being in the Lifestyle. Having open-minded and fun platonic Lifestyle friends adds a dimension to swinging not to be missed. If everyone was attracted to everyone all the time, we would be left without the mystery and beauty of the seduction dance. And we all know the chase is a significant part of the hot fun.

• Intense, passionate chemistry with someone new can be perceived by partners as unsettling or complete ecstasy. On the flip side of the lack of chemistry is the all-consuming, fierce and exceptional attraction. Often this type of attraction feels like a force of nature, truly almost undeniable. For some partners, observing this type of chemistry can trigger twinges of jealousy. In this case, it is important to have honest, clear communication about the emotions you're experiencing. It is also important to remember that often this type of chemistry is bolstered by, what non-monogamers call, new relationship energy or N.R E. If you find that any scenario is too unsettling, it is best to disengage. For many partners, observing your partner experiencing the heights of ecstasy with another is its own ecstasy. This is a concept, often evoked by non-monogamers, called compersion. Whether we realize it or not, many of us in open relationships enjoy and thrive on the experience of compersion. (For more in-depth discussion of compersion, read The Ethical Slut and Opening Up, two excellent resources for those of us in alternative relationships.)

• When you find and experience amazing chemistry, be in the moment and enjoy it! That doesn't necessarily mean you run off to the bedroom. Take it slow. Enjoy every hormonal zing, the lingering eye contact, the casual touches, the compliments...and dish it all out mercilessly knowing you're feeding the desire. It truly doesn't get any hotter!

The bottom line is the ongoing search for elusive chemistry keeps erotic energy flowing, smiles on our faces and all of us looking forward to the next date. Have fun with it!

"My cheeks hurt from laughing!"

In the afterglow of Desire, Prof and I are constantly reliving the sexy, hot times we had. The atmosphere was incredible. The food was sumptuous. The drinks were fortifying. The views were stunning. The breeze was caressing. The sun on our naked bodies was soothing. The ocean was refreshing while the hot tub was entrancing. We had sensory and stimulation overload, in the best way possible of course.

This profusion of sensory seduction pales in comparison to the experience of the people: so hot, so sexy, so erotic. . .and so witty. Yes, you heard me. Witty. Not only was this indomitable crew led by John and Allie sexing up the place, but they also brought their clever conversation A-game. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. In the words of one of the sexy crew, "My cheeks hurt from laughing!" No, not those cheeks, the ones on your face, you dirty-minded hottie!

So here is just a smattering of what we overheard at Desire besides some very able accents, impromptu, well-executed show tunes and constant sounds of sexual satisfaction. While some things are best left to the imagination, it is important to immortalize the best of the best of things overheard at Desire. A few of these may motivate you join the group in 2011 for the full experience!

"Drink up. The more rum you drink, the better I look."

"No, that's not duck tape, it's Kentucky pasties."

"Have you had all the blow jobs you can handle yet?"

(Considering.) "Ummmm. . . no, no, can't say that I have."

"The group is sexual, but it is not just about the sex."

"If she was any hotter, it would be scary."

"What time is it?"

"Ummm. . .let's see," looks at wrist with no watch, "looks like it is swing o'clock."

"The server on the beach won't bring me water. She just keeps telling me I am on vacation and brings me another mojito."

T-shirt saying: "I came to Desire with Swingercast and all I got was a triple blow job."

Remembering Desire is a clothing-optional resort. . .asked while people were in the hot tub: "Do you have a pen?"

"I can't hurry, I am wearing pleather pants."

"Wow! Lots of guys are rocking the man-sarong."

The staff attempting to maintain the rules and order: "No coochie coochie in the cabana."

"After all of our action last night in the play tent, they are taking it down. Clearly, what we all did could not be topped. We were being so dirty, they even had to hose the whole area down."

On the dance floor: "What day is it?" she asks. He replies, "Ummm. . .not really sure," then asks another hottie, "What is today?" No one knew the answer and the quest for the knowledge of what day it was was abandoned.

"Whoa! I just had seven Gingergasms!"

"Let's give him a 'duelly.'"

"Who's Julie? I haven't met her."

"No, let's give him a 'DUELLY,' as in double blow job."

"Ohhh. . . absolutely!"

"The sex toy bag weighs 49 pounds. She's a packing ninja!"

"Hot tub happy hour. . .get in with your sunglasses on, get out when the moon comes out, maybe get off sometime in between."

"No, not 'EP' as in extended play. 'DP' as in double penetration."

"Well, how about 'EPDP'?"

"We need to do research to ascertain whether the enjoyment of the blow job varies by language spoken by the woman doing the oral." (There were plenty of male volunteers to help with that research.)

"The most dangerous place to be is between her and her orgasm."

"We came back to the room after the cleaning woman and she stood all of the dildos up. Apparently, the staff wants all the cocks erect and ready."

During a play session: "Come on in for the assist."

"I've never seen that position before."

"Really? Let's go practice."

Questions about swinger etiquette: "Do you interrupt others playing to say 'goodbye'?" How about: "Is it appropriate to tell her her ass is so hot it makes me want to bite it?"

"Hey, stop blowing him. You two are late for an orgy."

"My outfit had a fantastic time. I was just along for the ride."

And, last, but not least: "I'm not that familiar with U.S. geography, but I am discovering it one lady at a time."

This is hardly an exhaustive list. Sexy friends, if you have words that must be immortalized, pass them along! Gracias!

Feeling Desirous

Desire. The resort’s name is apropos of everything. It’s what you feel when your planning on going. Desire. It’s what you experience when you’re there. Desire. It’s what you long for the moment you leave.

Ginger chronicled the sweet anticipation for the Swingercast trip to Desire in the Wait for it...wait for it… entry. And we will be sharing many more of our observations—and experiences too (with names to protect the sexy)—in our upcoming blogs. For that, you’ll have to wait. Such a tease, aren’t I?

That leaves us with parting Desire: a desire much deeper than the notion that we are anxious to return. Yes, that is certainly the case. As is the case for most people with busy, full lives, we started thinking ahead and considering the next opportunity to return. We actually started that process in advance of even stepping foot on the property. The experiences only further solidified our plans.

Beyond the idea that we’re already in anticipation of the beach’s warm sun and the resort’s classy amenities, it’s the erotic people for which we will hold the desire. In our lizard brains, this manifests as both memories and anticipation of the orgasms—the raw sexual energy openly shared and passed between friends and sometimes even strangers. Well, strangers until the next morning, at least, when a playful friend introduces himself to Ginger and asks her name following a hot make out session in the club the night prior. But that is its own story…Sex was in the air. And we did our part to pay it forward.

Intellectually, we desire the conversations that seamlessly flowed. From ‘real world’ occupations and family histories, to the sharing of sexual experiences and fantasies. The conversations were spontaneous. Some—light and airy. Others—deep and meaningful. Many—filled with laughter. Anywhere and everything was fair game. Hanging out nude in on the beach beds? Well, expect someone may saunter up and strike up a discussion. At lunch, we talked about oral techniques. Over drinks, we’d regale each other with tales. Some shared their sexual adventures. Others talked about what the Lifestyle was like for them. There were no hushed voices during the dinner conversation about double penetration (DP) techniques. To the contrary, the group from across the way—upon seeing one person’s concept of the ‘best’ approach—yelled out “Are you talking about DP!?!”

Most significantly, we desire the social openness. Full cultural immersion to be more specific. People who are from all different parts of the world and walks of life, yet are fully respectful of others as individuals and couples. People who are sexual, but not obsessed. People who are kinky and own it. Perfectly curvy women and petite French snacks. Men of all shapes and men of all sizes. People who are new to the Lifestyle, as well as those that are old school. Those trying new things with a toe in the water, and those going so deep that scuba gear would be in order. And among all of this diversity we were bonded by a simple paradigm: being oneself. As individual sexual beings. As couples sharing new sexual experiences. The balanced existence of voyeurs and exhibitionists. Dominant and submissive. Sadistic and masochistic. The morning risers and those who keep it up all night…

We feel like part of the “Oceanic Six” from Lost. On the way home from the island, the group decides that the ‘real world’ can’t handle the truth. So they make up a story. They share the cover story with their friends and family and in the process of being re-acculturated, they realize how much has changed. Inside themselves that is. Cultural changes happen at glacial speed. People change faster—particularly when challenged. When learning is experiential. And when they are loved and supported in the process. We know we are changed. Yet, we’re re-entering a society that has all the same hang-ups as it did last week. We’re holding tight…to the memories…to the Desire.

p.s. In editing this entry together on the plane, I leaned over to Ginger to ask the following in a rather loud, matter-of-fact tone: "Should it read 'sadist and masochist' or 'sadistic and masochistic'?" After turning heads and our outburst of laughter, we decided on the latter.

Going Soft?

Ginger and I have always been full swap. Before playing with other couples, we talked about the kinds of experiences would like. At the time Tristan Taormino's book Opening Up didn't exist--such a resource certainly would have helped us have more pointed conversations--but I do believe we would have arrived at the same place, initially at least. We enjoyed the discussions, often meandering ones, and the mix of fantasy and reality...a building of potential energy.

As the conversations intensified and certainly as the actions of "finding" someone became real, we were able to discuss very specifically the kinds of things we liked. For me, the idea of Ginger playing with another woman was equally as hot as the idea of her being serviced by multiple men in the same evening. The former was where we landed, while the latter remains but a fantasy...

As presented in Opening Up, and in our other conversations with friends, we appreciate that everyone chooses their own path. Even without the benefit of any experiences, the idea of full swap was more than titillating...more like exhilarating. Our first foray into non-monogamy, both with a female and then with a couple, reinforced that opening up our relationship was not only greatly satisfying sexually, but continually stimulating to our commitment to each other.

We remain friends with both our first lover--who has gone on to a long term relationship--as well as our first couple, who has been out of the lifestyle now for some time. As our exploration has continued, it has become clear that not all lovers stack up. Not to be too critical or blunt, but in spite of some really great chemistry that we've had with others, we are too often left wondering to ourselves...what happened?

This brings us to the idea of going soft. Why? The number one reason would probably be to eliminate the fucking goal. Literally, the goal of getting to fuck. What's wrong with enjoying the build-up? Putting on some music. Turning down the lights. And not in the name of romance. Think watching. Think real live sex show. That stars your partner. Could it get any hotter?

For us, full swap disappointments have taken on two forms: 1. The inpatient lovers--the bull in the china shop who shoots his load (yes, guys it's mostly you) before things even seem to get started. 2. The neglected lovers--here, think the "am I not enough to get your attention" or the "let's fuck, not watch" kind of attitude. So can going soft be the magic elixir to these ailments?

I must confess that I formerly had the perception that the "soft swap" couples were simply in transition...unable to go "all the way" but still wanting to taste the cherry. Could it be that they had it right all along? They enjoy the best of both worlds: the exploration and the foreplay, and then the experience of their primary lover knowing which buttons to push to send them off into the stratosphere...

Soft swap could connect so well with how Ginger and I enjoy playing with each other. Having a very long buildup, getting close to orgasm--perhaps enjoying a teasing release--and then slowly crescendoing in to a mind-blowing experience. When Ginger and I were with our first lover, I would watch for several hours and not ever be sure as to whether I would be included in the dynamic. It was simply a beautiful thing to watch two female shapes intermingled. There was no rushing. It was never predictable. But it was always hot!

Are these the experiences that we'd be trying to re-create in a soft swap dynamic? Or is it simply the delusions created when one has watched too much of the L-Word? And, perhaps most importantly, how will Ginger get fucked by a covey (or is it a bevy?) of guys that we've been fantasizing about? Soft swap?...only with an edge.

Be hot AND smooth. . .it's all about atmosphere, baby.

Atmosphere goes a long way with me.

I've discovered that atmosphere is key a factor in the extent to which I can let go during a sexual experience. The Prof, as you can imagine, is keenly aware of this and essentially goes on autopilot when we arrive at our party accommodations to finesse the room.

Likely most people, when asked, would share that they too enjoy a sexy atmosphere in which to play. Interestingly enough, this doesn't always translate into an actual sexy atmosphere on the part of all hosts.

We can appreciate that it does take some work and forethought to facilitate an erotic atmosphere. Most likely, the lack of any preparation for hosting lovers is simply lack of time, and truthfully, just the result of throwing on hottie clothes and running off to the party! We know. . .we can't wait to hit the dance floor and start flirting either!

So, in the interest of advancing erotic atmospheres and facilitating the maximum number of orgasms in all swinger sex dens and play rooms, we humbly offer this brief checklist for those whose brains are already muddled by hormones and energy shots:

• Lights low?
• Music playing?
• Condoms and lube on the side tables?
• Lots of water around?
• Fruit and chocolate available?

Simple, quick and don't you look smooth? Hells yeah.

Depending on what we are in the mood for, we might have fun sex games available, like those the indomitable Sex is Fun crew recommend available at greatsexgames.com. Of course, a naughty round of body shots or a few strategically placed hits of whipped cream can instantly make the erotic energy crackle.

We might also make the toys and restraints available. We try to gauge whether or not certain sexual accoutrements may make too strong an impression on rookies or slightly vanilla friends. No judgment. . .just being sensitive.

Finessing a hot, orgasm-inducing atmosphere certainly isn't required. But it definitely ensures that all that pent up energy from the flirting and the dance floor can be focused on your lovers and not on moving the shoe she just sat on to the closet or searching and searching (and searching. . .) for those condoms you thought you put in this pocket.

We know you are that hot. Now make sure you are that smooth.

[Cue the porn soundtrack]

Wait for it. . .wait for it. . .

The Prof and I have some fun, sexy times scheduled into the calendar over the next few months: great parties, a hot trip and a few dates sprinkled in between. Sounds fantastic! The trick is, in the meantime, we have all-vanilla-all-the-time. This has been causing me angst. As it is, I'm not known for my patience, maybe for corsets or really dirty Dirty Martinis, but certainly not my patience.

So to cope with my raw impatience and subsequent angst, I am reframing my angst as delicious anticipation. Isn't it true that at least part of the enjoyment of sexy fun is the anticipation of said fun? Anticipation comes in various forms. I have chosen three of my favorites.

• Fantasy! Whenever we have sexy fun on the horizon, The Prof and I undoubtedly spend time in the hot tub or in bed talking about all the hotties we look forward to seeing at the upcoming party and all the fun friends we have yet to meet. How can this anticipatory dialogue not turn into an enthusiastic and spectacular romp? The thing is, it is indeed fantasy. . .we aren't planning our seductions or expecting any particular action. We are gleaning every bit of pleasure and every single orgasm out of the luscious anticipation without one bit of expectation of with whom, if anyone, we actually play on party night.

• Flirting! I love to flirt: the clever and leading banter, the casual, yet pointed, touching, the steamy eye contact. . .oh, yum! Flirting is the embodiment of anticipation. That feeling of trying someone on, the give and take of blossoming arousal, is an integral part of the seduction dance. As an advanced flirter, you know that flirting is just as sexy when it is just for flirting's sake. That anticipation and potential sexual energy may become kinetic later in the evening or months from now. Either way, the anticipation works its magic and you find yourself turned on.

• Foreplay! Oh my. . .the slower and more deliberate, the better, as far as I am concerned! Foreplay is just delicious: hot breath on my neck, strong hands grasping my hips, touching those often overlooked erogenous zones like wrists, behind the knees and the lower back. Mmmm. . .yeah. A relaxed, patient lover is a confident lover. And I know what that usually means for me: more orgasms! Anticipation while playing heightens orgasmic response. Orgasm edging, getting your partner almost there then letting the feeling subside only to bring them close again (and again), is experiencing anticipation in its most raw and sensual embodiment. The reward for enduring such anticipation is the amazing pleasure of the prolonged build up of the physiological sexual cocktail of hormones as well as a mind-blowing orgasm (or two or three. . .).

Wow! On that note, it seems as though I convinced myself of the virtues of anticipation. Truthfully, I am not feeling much more patient despite those virtues. However, I am willing to get as much pleasure as I can from the anticipation knowing that the experiences themselves will be that much hotter.