The Very Blind Date

Like many swingers, Ginger and I started exploring the potential for meeting others online. We actually started on Craigslist--we'd like to believe before it was considered too seedy, but in reality we didn't have a clue. With total dumb luck, we met a sexy, intelligent woman that we shared much with over the course of a couple of years.

Easy right? Not so fast...

We started exploring other sites to meet couples, initially as a threesome and then as a couple ourselves after she partnered. The first thing that struck us is how difficult it is to actually MEET couples on some of the sites. Admittedly our initial threshold is high--that is if correct spelling, grammar, and some tasteful pictures are included. Much like when you meet someone in person and you get a first impression for how they carry themselves, the online profile offers much insight...maybe people with sloppy profiles are amazing fucks, but it just doesn't send a lot of confidence our way.

The second thing we discovered (and continue to struggle with) is that it takes a lot of time to maintain your online profile, pictures, and messages. In the times that we've gotten busy, it atrophies--like the muscle that doesn't get used, it is pretty much useless. We are both organized professionals and keeping straight with the online activity taxes our capabilities. It's not that the volume is so enormous...it's the strategy of knowing who you really want to meet and how to keep the connection open in the midst of the real life constraints.

This past weekend we had the chance to connect with a couple online. It all happened pretty much at the last minute and we decided to be opportunistic. We discussed a time, a place...and as we are on the way, Ginger asks "What are their names?" Er, baby, I forgot to get that information.

We met at a bar in town. Ginger and I got there first and texted our specific table location. Then we waited. Would they show? Would they be our style? Could they hold a conversation?

Then, the cutest couple that had come through the door all night walked over to introduce themselves (which got strange looks from the couples nearby: "Why are they meeting for drinks if they don't know each other?"). The conversation was excellent. First it was one drink and then another. They stayed well beyond their intended time frame, but we knew that it was going to have to be an early night due to circumstances. YES! Our faith in online dating restored.

If you've ever golfed, this is like the one good shot that erases all the frustrations from before. We will always prefer to meet people in person at parties or on vacation, but it is easier to redouble online efforts knowing there are some good matches out there.

You can only try so hard.

Prof and I just can't seem to score a date these days. Don't get me wrong...we have lots of sexy friends and many new friends we are looking forward to meeting for the first time in person, but we can't seem to coordinate schedules to the point of actually going out on a date!

It really is at the point that we are flabbergasted, both of us. Even tonight, (I'm writing on a late Saturday afternoon) we had a date tonight. We were ready to rock. So very ready to hang out with some amazing and hot friends. And, alas, fate has intervened and they can't make it out tonight. (Sigh.)

So here we are again, it's Saturday night, and as much as we absolutely love spending time together alone over a delicious dinner having excellent conversation, we have done a lot of that lately. We are ready for a date! You know, the kind with another couple, when you're chatting and getting to know one another, and flirting even! I believe I'm at risk of actually forgetting how to flirt with someone other than Prof because it feels like it has been so long.

If we were lesser experienced in the couples' dating scene, I might internalize this date drought and think it has something to with us. But I know better. What I do know from years of dating is opportunity ebbs and flows. Despite the fact that we haven't had a date work out lately, a few months ago we had wild weekends in Chicago and Atlanta and a few weeks ago we had one night with three separate propositions for fun, but we had vanilla plans that were the priority.

We do have an awesome party and the fantastic trip to Desire (which we mention so often in the blog because it is indeed that amazing) on the horizon. We are also planning a hotel party with lots of hotties and are hoping friends will make sure to put it on their schedules well in advance so they can make it for sure. Sometimes all it takes is getting a little perspective.

It is about that time that I start getting sexied up for our date tonight, so I'm going to wrap up here. We will be headed out just the two of us tonight. Of course, there is certainly always the possibility for mischief when Prof and I head out. It may be that we still hear last minute from some hotties that can meet us out. And if not, tonight will still be fun, delicious and satisfying, because with us there is no consolation prize. I get to go home with Prof at the end of the night and that is as hot as it gets!

Wait for it. . .wait for it. . .

The Prof and I have some fun, sexy times scheduled into the calendar over the next few months: great parties, a hot trip and a few dates sprinkled in between. Sounds fantastic! The trick is, in the meantime, we have all-vanilla-all-the-time. This has been causing me angst. As it is, I'm not known for my patience, maybe for corsets or really dirty Dirty Martinis, but certainly not my patience.

So to cope with my raw impatience and subsequent angst, I am reframing my angst as delicious anticipation. Isn't it true that at least part of the enjoyment of sexy fun is the anticipation of said fun? Anticipation comes in various forms. I have chosen three of my favorites.

• Fantasy! Whenever we have sexy fun on the horizon, The Prof and I undoubtedly spend time in the hot tub or in bed talking about all the hotties we look forward to seeing at the upcoming party and all the fun friends we have yet to meet. How can this anticipatory dialogue not turn into an enthusiastic and spectacular romp? The thing is, it is indeed fantasy. . .we aren't planning our seductions or expecting any particular action. We are gleaning every bit of pleasure and every single orgasm out of the luscious anticipation without one bit of expectation of with whom, if anyone, we actually play on party night.

• Flirting! I love to flirt: the clever and leading banter, the casual, yet pointed, touching, the steamy eye contact. . .oh, yum! Flirting is the embodiment of anticipation. That feeling of trying someone on, the give and take of blossoming arousal, is an integral part of the seduction dance. As an advanced flirter, you know that flirting is just as sexy when it is just for flirting's sake. That anticipation and potential sexual energy may become kinetic later in the evening or months from now. Either way, the anticipation works its magic and you find yourself turned on.

• Foreplay! Oh my. . .the slower and more deliberate, the better, as far as I am concerned! Foreplay is just delicious: hot breath on my neck, strong hands grasping my hips, touching those often overlooked erogenous zones like wrists, behind the knees and the lower back. Mmmm. . .yeah. A relaxed, patient lover is a confident lover. And I know what that usually means for me: more orgasms! Anticipation while playing heightens orgasmic response. Orgasm edging, getting your partner almost there then letting the feeling subside only to bring them close again (and again), is experiencing anticipation in its most raw and sensual embodiment. The reward for enduring such anticipation is the amazing pleasure of the prolonged build up of the physiological sexual cocktail of hormones as well as a mind-blowing orgasm (or two or three. . .).

Wow! On that note, it seems as though I convinced myself of the virtues of anticipation. Truthfully, I am not feeling much more patient despite those virtues. However, I am willing to get as much pleasure as I can from the anticipation knowing that the experiences themselves will be that much hotter.

The benefits of being a leading man.

The Prof and I have such a fun community of non-monogamous friends. We regularly, but not often enough, gather the friends together in a party atmosphere. We also enjoy awesome, hot couple's dating as much as we can, especially within that group of sexy friends.

We have crazy hot chemistry with one couple that lives a significant distance away. Given the geographic challenge, the stars have to align perfectly to facilitate a date with these hotties. Oh, the bliss and pleasure when the stars align!

During our last date, a spectacular turn of sexy events drew my attention to a phenomenon worthy of sharing for both educational and titillating purposes. Before diving right into it, perhaps a little foreplay, I mean, backstory is necessary.

[Cut to scene of rocking, awesome party.] The Prof and I met this hottie couple at our favorite swing party on Halloween. The initial interaction was conversation and some sexy dancing between me and, I'll call her, Katy. We clearly had immediate chemistry before we even shared with one another that we are both bisexual. The dancing and roaming hands spoke for themselves. While we were dancing and chatting, there was plenty of laughing and sharing about our experiences with women in the Lifestyle.

We concurred that declaring oneself "bisexual" while swinging encompasses a broad continuum of comfortable behavior: from being okay with sexy dancing and nothing else, to the almost rare pursuit of exclusively female-on-female-every-which-way-you-can-think-of sex. Katy and I teasingly discovered of one another that we both crave sexy women in all the hot, sweaty, creative ways possible. Score for me!

One of the challenges I have discovered in the Lifestyle is that being a passionately bisexual woman can lead to awkward moments and the female equivalent of blue balls: "blue va-jay-jay," as Oprah would call it. So to actually meet a wildly sexy, equally passionate bisexual woman with whom I have chemistry is almost a jackpot. Time to meet and introduce the partners. . .oh please, please, please let there be four-way chemistry.

[Cut back to the party now.] Katy and I part to gather the men to facilitate introductions only to find happily they have already made the discovery of us on the dance floor and have struck up a conversation. (I mean, really, I'm sure no one could have missed us on the dance floor, right? ::wink::) As we walk over, I make eye contact with, I'll call him Carter, and feel instant erotic electricity. Oh, so score for me!

The four of us continue to have awesome conversation and flirt, although I still haven't checked in with The Prof about where his chemistry is with Katy. When we do connect, The Prof shares he wasn't sure where the chemistry was with Katy--leaving the possibility for more fun and flirting to check the reciprocity of the chemistry. We continue to enjoy the dancing and the flirting and end up moving in a different direction that night.

[Cut to the next party.] The Prof and I spot Katy and Carter across the room and make our way over. We all greet one another with enthusiasm and lingering hugs and kisses; the four-way chemistry was immediately obvious. The Prof was noticeably more forward with Katy and they had an exchange I didn't catch then shared a laugh. Hmmm. . .intriguing.

What I haven't yet shared is that at the Halloween party, The Prof was dressed, very convincingly, as a rapper: the modern thug-looking rapper, complete with multiple neck tattoos, hat cocked to the side, pants hanging low. Apparently, that is not Katy's type and she shared with The Prof that she was delightedly relieved to note his transformation. The transformation that resulted in the elusive four-way chemistry. Score for us all!

[Cut to trendy downtown district then hotel room.] We made a date and got together for an awesome night of drinks, dinner, dancing and, gasp, playing. It was so much fantastic fun leading us ultimately to our hotel room. I'll admit that by the time we made it there the attraction I was feeling toward Katy was at the boiling point. With no hesitation, I began kissing her and we began to play slowly and sensuously.

Typically, in a foursome experience, I would encourage communication among everyone before the action gets rolling. Unfortunately, this was a step that I neglected. Although I trusted that The Prof, who is very familiar with the female-female dynamic, would simply enjoy observing and watching me please and be pleased. The angle I didn't consider is the perspective of Carter who is open and giving, but not yet experienced with this dynamic.

While Katy and I were wrapped up in one another, The Prof was patiently staying in the moment knowing and anticipating the spoils of the partner of a bisexual woman after a hot female-female experience. Carter, however, was at a bit of a loss. After watching for a bit, he attempted to gently enter into the dynamic, but it just wasn't right yet.

The erotic arc between Katy and me hadn't yet run its course. I certainly wouldn't have objected to Carter's advances at all. I was anticipating playing with him as much as Katy. After a few attempts, he smilingly encouraged The Prof to get in the mix too. At which point, The Prof assured him, "Patience, brother, our time will come and you will be so glad you were patient."

Indeed, it would and indeed he was! After Katy and I had exhausted the entire sexual repertoire known to women, we turned our heightened desire toward the two very lucky men. They were then put through their paces by two seriously turned on, revved up lovers. Call it outsourced foreplay. Not that either of them were looking to get out of it!

In our experience, The Prof and I have discovered the phenomenon that a sustained female-female dynamic results in an intense desire on the part of the women for penetration of some kind. This phenomenon is supported in sexological research. And, happily, in a heterosexual couple foursome dynamic, there are two gorgeous, erect cocks ready just when the women want them.

For the male partners of bisexual women, playing that supporting role during focused female-female play may take some time to get used to. Further, sometimes the interest of the group is more focused on integrated foursome play, which is also crazy hot. The difference is communication about everyone's desires and honoring that. When the women express clear desire for an exclusively female dynamic for a stretch, it is practically guaranteed that the men's patience and benevolent restraint in the supporting role will be rewarded with some seriously hot attention after the women play.

So, all you men out there with bisexual partners, consider that often a solid performance in a supporting role leads to the utterly satisfying, demanding and sometimes exhausting role of leading man. I know you are up for it!