All Over the Place

Prof and I have been all over the place. Geographically. Emotionally. Relationally. It is pretty damn cool.

The hard part about being all over the place is we haven't been here writing. The cliche that we ethical sluts have to be excellent time managers is true. You've heard this from me before here in the blog. But we will triumph over the time crunch! Prof and I have too much fun sharing our perspectives here with you to let it fall off the radar. And, indeed, we have evolved so much since we started this entertaining little diversion, if anything we want to share more here for our own reflection. If you enjoy in the meantime, all the better!

So geographically we have been indulging in travel that takes us to hotbeds of sexiness in the most literal way possible. With two upcoming trips to Desire, presenting at the Open SF conference and catching up with hotties at places like Trapeze, there is no shortage of fun to be had. The beautiful thing is Prof and I get to do all of this together. In our day-to-day dynamic vanilla lives (which we love every minute of!), we unfortunately are drawn apart often by circumstance. It is a choice we make everyday to embrace our lives as they are, but also to maximize our opportunities to have fun together.

So a trip to the Trap or your local club is awesome for each of you, I'm sure. For us, it takes on a whole other dimension, not necessarily an urgency, but a chance to both be at a place where we can let go of the world for awhile and just be. You may identify with this too. It is a demonstration of our commitment to each other that our relationship comes first.

As bizarre as that may sound to the non-swing set, the time when we can let our hair down together in the midst and company of 'our people' is when we feel the most at ease. When we can embrace our nature and cut loose together, Prof and I connect in the deepest way. The fact that we are flirting with other people, building other relationships, sometimes being intimate with other people and enjoying the compersion of the whole process openly helps us feel whole.

Which brings me to the fact that emotionally we have been all over the place. As we evolve and experience deeper and deeper immersion into the ethically non-monogamous world, it is getting harder and harder to keep up the vanilla facade. I'll speak for myself here: After six plus years of an awesome, beautiful, fulfilling open relationship, feigning vanilla seems more and more obsolete. I'm tired of telling most of the story.

I'm moving closer and closer to being ready to tell it all. (Much to the relief of all those friends we have who are out and have led the way for us.) Of course, I want to do it on our terms in our time frame in consideration of those around us that we love who deserve to hear it from us first. But as I recently texted to Prof: "We have nothing to hide." Our relationship kicks ass. We love each other deeply. We have other partners. And it is awesome and complex and simply how we roll.

I remember having a conversation with Prof when we were about nine months into our open relationship and saying, "When we have been doing this for two years it will be easy to say to friends and family, 'This is just how our relationship works. You've known us this whole time. We are no different. Take it or leave it.'"

And it has been more than six years now. Six years. As exhilarated as our relationship and our other relationships make me, the experience of not sharing that with those we are closest to has worn me down. As it should, really. Everyone deserves to be who they truly are with everyone they love.

With our evolution and maturity of understanding of what energizes us about our open relationship, now relationally we are all over the place. We have some amazing couple friends we have been close to for over five years and have continued spending lovely time with them. We continue to party with a fantastically fun cast of characters with whom we text and flirt and dance and flirt some more. We also enjoy and get an erotic charge from just having them in our lives. We have a network of geographically remote friends that enrich our lives that we look forward to seeing when schedules and travel allow.

And now Prof and I have both begun, almost by accident, to embrace the experience of having erotically-charged friendships individually while still keeping each other informed. The process we moved through to land at this place has contributed a richness to our already incredible relationship that is impossible to describe. It is mindbending to discover that we hadn't summited the mountaintop. And likely we still haven't, which thrills me.

Thanks for following us all over the place. You are truly excellent company. We look forward to sharing the next leg of the journey too.

OurPorn

Prof and I have a new fun bedtime pastime: browsing porn together. YouPorn makes it so easy to have a broad spectrum of categories and ways to search. We climb into bed with our iPad and let the fun begin! Although I’ve found that what is fun about this pastime is less the porn watching and more the browsing.

I find it completely fascinating watching Prof browse and click and watch and click. Observing what he continues to watch versus what he decides to move away from. Sometimes I start to get into something I find to be super hot that he is not really into and I have to admit I was left hanging.

This interactive porn process has led us to be more open with each other about the nuances of our turn ons, especially about what I find extra naughty. Of course, extra naughty varies from person to person and it is just that knowledge that I have been happy to learn about Prof.

Sometimes it is hard to discuss sex in a vacuum. Don’t get me wrong…we love to talk about sex. We do it all the time. It is just cool to have actual examples of the sexy behaviors right there for us to both watch and then talk about what it is exactly that really gets our juices flowing.

I also love to watch Prof get turned on, to go from 0 to 105 in 2 seconds flat. It’s funny to be browsing clips that don’t hit the mark and then be roughly seduced by some surprising scenario. This happened the other night when we were clicking and clicking and landed watching a blonde women and four men. It started with her on one couch masturbating and all the guys on another big couch watching her. It was hot to watch her play to them and to make them wait! Anticipation is porn is so rare.

It was impossible to not to put myself in her position as that is where my fantasies have taken me lately. Of course, after we watched we ran with it during our fantasy talk and there easily could have been three other men there it felt so realistic in my mind. Watching the clip perhaps put me one step closer to fulfilling the fantasy. And I know for certain Prof is on board to watch or participate in such hotness.

We have been having such fun with it and learning about each other’s deeper fantasies to boot. Give it a try! We’d love to hear what you think.

The Very Blind Date

Like many swingers, Ginger and I started exploring the potential for meeting others online. We actually started on Craigslist--we'd like to believe before it was considered too seedy, but in reality we didn't have a clue. With total dumb luck, we met a sexy, intelligent woman that we shared much with over the course of a couple of years.

Easy right? Not so fast...

We started exploring other sites to meet couples, initially as a threesome and then as a couple ourselves after she partnered. The first thing that struck us is how difficult it is to actually MEET couples on some of the sites. Admittedly our initial threshold is high--that is if correct spelling, grammar, and some tasteful pictures are included. Much like when you meet someone in person and you get a first impression for how they carry themselves, the online profile offers much insight...maybe people with sloppy profiles are amazing fucks, but it just doesn't send a lot of confidence our way.

The second thing we discovered (and continue to struggle with) is that it takes a lot of time to maintain your online profile, pictures, and messages. In the times that we've gotten busy, it atrophies--like the muscle that doesn't get used, it is pretty much useless. We are both organized professionals and keeping straight with the online activity taxes our capabilities. It's not that the volume is so enormous...it's the strategy of knowing who you really want to meet and how to keep the connection open in the midst of the real life constraints.

This past weekend we had the chance to connect with a couple online. It all happened pretty much at the last minute and we decided to be opportunistic. We discussed a time, a place...and as we are on the way, Ginger asks "What are their names?" Er, baby, I forgot to get that information.

We met at a bar in town. Ginger and I got there first and texted our specific table location. Then we waited. Would they show? Would they be our style? Could they hold a conversation?

Then, the cutest couple that had come through the door all night walked over to introduce themselves (which got strange looks from the couples nearby: "Why are they meeting for drinks if they don't know each other?"). The conversation was excellent. First it was one drink and then another. They stayed well beyond their intended time frame, but we knew that it was going to have to be an early night due to circumstances. YES! Our faith in online dating restored.

If you've ever golfed, this is like the one good shot that erases all the frustrations from before. We will always prefer to meet people in person at parties or on vacation, but it is easier to redouble online efforts knowing there are some good matches out there.

So...where are you going?

As Prof and I are about to embark on what is officially the fourth sexy vacation of our open relationship, I'm reflecting on the experience and how it has evolved over the years. All three vacations so far have been rousing and arousing, crazy, wild days and nights full of non-stop fun, laughter and, of course, debauchery and hedonism.

We have met hotties on vacation that we still stay in touch with and get to, ahem, hang out with on occasion. And certainly, we make no secret about the fact that our fellow Swingercast groupies make pretty rocking Desire compatriots. After last year's trip we feel like we have the proverbial "girl in every port" except it might be a guy...or a couple...or couples. You get my drift. Regardless of which metropolitan area we might need to visit for business or pleasure, we are likely to be able to score a dinner date with fabulous local hosts.

Planning for this year's trip we feel like we are the seasoned, experienced members passing along helpful hints and calming the nerves of the newly naked. In preparing for the trip, even packing was an entertaining and fun experience itself. Gathering the teeny tiny bikinis, sheer sarongs, fetish wear, sex toys and naughty props is an integral part of the anticipation.

We will do our best to keep our clothes on until the doorstep of Desire. After that, any expectations of responsibility or moderation are frowned upon and generally misguided. We turn our attention to focusing on pleasure, making new friends, pleasure, catching up with old friends, pleasure, participating in all the craziness on the itinerary and some more pleasure.

I like to think of sexy vacations as returning to our natural habitat. Even though we do indulge in the occasional overnight dates throughout the year, having a week or longer to decompress and acclimate to our natural swinger schedule and activities without any other responsibilities is priceless.

This trip we are anticipating that it will be the smoothest and quickest transition yet into our swinger-in-the-wild behavior and mindset. It is truly comforting, as we have written about before, to enjoy a long stretch of nakedness and sexiness among likeminded friends. There is nothing to compare to the liberation of authentic and uncensored social and sexual experiences.

Over time the experience has evolved and it only seems to improve every trip. The one thing that hasn't changed is the delicate and skilled bob and weave of answering the inevitable question: "So...where are you going?" Thus far, we have done our best to answer using multiple strategies:

1. The Non-Answer: "Oh, you know, just anywhere there is a great beach and a drink in my hand."

2. The Vagary: "Just headed somewhere warm for a stretch."

3. The Redirect: "Looking forward to getting away for a while. Where did you go on your last vacation? Oh, and check out the bright, shiny object!"

4. The Clueless Partner: "You know, the Mexican Riviera somewhere. Prof did all the planning."

5. The Circular Logic: "Oh, that great place we went last year. We are headed there again." (Recommended to be closely followed by the Redirect.)

As we do our best to be productive in these last few days before flying off to paradise, we wish you luck in any evasive action and tempering of enthusiasm in front of vanillas you may have to do before your next (or first) sexy vacation. And whatever you do don't let them look in your suitcase!

Sexy Surprises!

Much to our happy and sexy surprise, Prof and I discovered via a super hot friend, that Aarron of Red Region Inferno had noted our blog as one of his Sexiest Blogs of 2010! We are in excellent company on his list and are appreciative of the fact that there are indeed other sexies out there actually reading the words we rub together to make sentences.

We are looking forward to another fun year of dating, partying and traveling with openminded sexy friends who know what it means to work hard and play harder. Already on the docket is a party in a few weeks and our highly anticipated April trip to Desire with the Swingercast crew. We truly can't wait to get back!

In the meantime, Prof and I have met a number of sexy local hotties we are hoping to bring into the fold with other friends during a hotel party of our making. Time to get out the naughty Jenga again!

Thanks for continuing to join us on this pleasurable ride. We wish you a wildly sexy and delicious 2011!

How Did We End Up In Our Bathroom?

Prof and I had a super sexy fun weekend! Love that! It seems like our schedules our allowing for a bit more fun lately. We’ve come off a stretch of having no time to work in any hang out time with our sexually-open friends, or any friends for that matter. We’ve still enjoyed our time together and have anticipated this weekend where we attended a party.

It was an excellent party where we were meeting many sexy friends. In true swinger fashion, it was a costume party. Neither of our costumes consisted of much material, so we were tooling around decent and appropriate, but half naked. With so many friends we were happy to see, and so many new people to meet, it was quite a busy night. When Prof and I enjoy parties, we are not always mingling together. It happens sometimes that Prof meets fun hotties while I am off meeting others or hanging out with friends.

Before this party, we hosted a female unicorn friend in our room during pre-party while we were getting dressed in our costumes. She is someone we enjoy very much, care about and love to hang out with. She attends the same parties independently and on occasion will make plans to play on party nights. At this party, both Prof and Sexy Unicorn met the same couple, thought they were hot and fun and enjoyed their company. I had only said hello, but didn't have the chance to get to know them at all.

As the party progressed, we were all mingling and having an excellent time. The larger group of friends all knew one another already and made a plan to adjourn to one room for sexy play. As the new hot couple seemed to fold seamlessly into the group, they were invited to join. The wrinkle was they were newbies and weren't sure they were game to play in such a large group. Understandable.

While they considered their options, I and the rest of the group started the private party. Sexy Unicorn was invited to join Newbies to play, so after conferring with me, Prof extended them the offer to use our room.

So picture it: I am carried away in sexy play with friends. Prof is attempting to ascertain who is invited back to our room and if we are included in that group. And at the center of the negotiation are the understandably nervous and excited Newbies. Throw in our friend, sweet Sexy Unicorn, for good measure and you have yourself a perfect example of what not to do.

The Sexy Unicorn and Newbies finally couldn't wait any longer and took us up on our offer to use our room. At that point, Prof gently coaxed me from watching the delicious orgy action to suggest what I thought was that we should go "host" Newbies and Sexy Unicorn in our room. I agreed that would be gracious of us assuming we were invited to be part of that group.

What I hadn't considered that I realized as we were walking to our room was that I didn't feel comfortable actually sexually engaging with Newbies, because I wanted to get to know them better first. That revelation would have better served us had I realized it before we were in our room watching the sexy action. We were propositioned to join and given that I was pretty decided I wasn’t going to play, but yet conflicted, the natural thing was to…well, retreat to the bathroom of our hotel room, of course. Yeah, I know, I know…what was I thinking? The answer: not much with my hormone-clouded orgasmic brain.

After Prof realized I wasn’t planning on joining the sexies on the bed, he joined me in the bathroom. And there we were…sitting in our bathroom while everybody else was playing and orgasming.

So that's how we ended up in our bathroom.

At that point, admittedly quite late in the game, we had a clear conversation about where the hell we were going to land that night. After we sifted through the sparse and confusing communication we had throughout the night, we decided to politely excuse ourselves from our room and head back to the group. Although Newbies were very sexy and fun, I was not up for playing with them until we got to know them better. Prof honored that and happily joined me in yet another half-naked traipsing across the lawn to our friends’ room.

As we put the pieces together during a subsequent hot tub discussion, Prof and I relearned the value of consistent, clear communication throughout the night at a party, especially when five couples and a unicorn are involved. Had we not been patient with each other and honored each other's feelings, that night would have easily been a bust. But we were patient and we did honor each other's feelings and because of that had a fantastic, hot night!

In follow-up from that crazy night, we connected with Sexy Unicorn and hottie Newbies to let them know we were so happy they had an awesome time that night and look forward to getting together for a date night ahead of our next party opportunity. Prof and I are confident we won't end up in our bathroom at the next party unless it's for a delicious quickie in the shower during pre-party.

What's life without adventure?

Oprah did a show on swinging some time ago. It profiled a PTA mom and a couple of CPAs. Oprah's audience members looked shocked. The swingers in the crowd pretended they were shocked. The swingers watching at home were completely not shocked.

Of course, demonstrating Oprah's and the production staff's general cluelessness about consensual non-monogamy, they paired the swinging segment with a segment on infidelity and spousal abuse. Great. Thanks, Oprah. With friends like you who needs enemies? Another topic for another time.

Back to the PTA mom and the CPAs...yep, that is pretty much us. We hear it over and over again. Swingers are "normal" people. Swingers have families. Swingers go to church. Hell, swingers teach Sunday School. (Oops, sorry, I meant to say "heck.") Swingers are nurses. Swingers are lawyers. Swingers are teachers. Swingers are executives. Swingers are firefighters. Swingers are your neighbors. (Unless you live next to us, then it's the other neighbors, yeah, those neighbors.)

For the most part, swingers go about living their lives just like everybody else except for the fact that their lives, especially Friday and Saturday nights, are much more fun than most people's...not just because there's wild, wanton sex EVERY weekend, but because swingers are the kind of people who really live life. Again, not just because there's is an abundant amount of fantastic sex (which there is, and contrary to popular belief, mostly with their own partners), but because they're always the friends who stay the latest at the party and they're the ones who always have a vacation planned. They're the ones who don't let an opportunity for fun and adventure go by.

I remember when Prof and I were just dipping our toes in the sexy swinger water and that very word, adventure, kept popping up on websites, in books we were reading, from other "adventurous" people we were meeting online. And you know what? It has pretty much proven to be true. People we meet in the Lifestyle are serious movers and shakers and not just on the dance floor or in the bedroom. Our Lifestyle friends have unique careers, exciting hobbies, fun families and awesome relationships with their partners.

Of course, the Lifestyle can carry with it its share of drama, but Prof and I have instituted a strict no-drama-allowed policy and if either of us feel even a little unsettled about the quality of a couple's relationship or the motives of a potential partner, we wish them well and move on. We recommend the no-drama policy to anyone thinking of exploring the Lifestyle or those already in who haven't yet adopted the aforementioned policy.

Through the no-drama policy, honoring chemistry and listening to intuition, we have cultivated a great group of sexually open friends. They keep us on our toes and entertained through sharing in their lives and adventures, including sexy vacations, hot dates, erotic parties and even occasional PTA meetings and trips to the accountant.

Here's to adventure, hotties!