Being Open About Being Open

This past weekend, Gin and I had the great experience of joining the rest of the podcasters from Life on the Swingset in San Francisco. We've always had a great time when we traveled to San Francisco...and this past weekend didn't disappoint.


The highlight for me was watching the Swingset crew do their first ever live podcast. It also happened to be the first time that they were all in the same room, having recorded scores of episodes virtually in the past. The chemistry didn't disappoint and they led a lively discussion about "progressive swinging" among an audience that largely identified as polyamorous. 


Ginger is such a rock star. I feel great compersion when she shares this with others as freely as it flows, without hesitation. She is happiest when serving others--emotionally in this case, but yes, sexually too. In the course of the discussion, Ginger challenged us to be true to who we are and to represent this freely to others. An audience member commented that a woman wearing a harness and sporting a dildo is not a common sight at a swinger party. To which Ginger replied, "Fuck them. Put your harness on and be proud. I do." 


In fact, she does. 


Tristan Taormino was in the audience and supported the importance of "progressive swinging" to improve the rights and protections that we share with all non-monogamous people. She also noted that the research shows many more swingers identify as being conservative in their politics. Again, Gin made a great point that she takes every opportunity she can to open the minds of our conservative friends--that we should engage them in the shared worldview of sexuality and find the "teaching moments" to challenge their politics in other areas. 


In fact, she does this often too. 


She does all of this and yet, she cannot be completely open about who she is. This kills her. Though in true Ginger fashion, no one would ever know it. The reality is that she does it to protect me. Like many, the risks of coming out are simply too great for our situation. It literally brought Ginger to tears during the OpenSF presentation.


Someday, baby. I promise.

Supporting Friends

We feel compelled to post a blog in the wake of the most recent Swingset episode in which Cooper and Marilyn joined the Sex is Fun crew for their trip to Desire. We're so happy everybody had a fantastic time. That is what Desire is all about!

In the lead up to the trip, friends who are all part of this diverse community that is open relationships had an open dialogue in the Twitterverse in which they disagreed. In episode 31 of Swingset, the issue is discussed again. Prof and I respect everyone's right to their own opinions and everyone's right to choose where and how they make, what really amount to, political statements.

Prof and I are supportive of intelligent, measured, respectful dialogue about important issues. We do believe, however, that the most important aspect is remembering that we are all part of a community that just by its nature can be a challenging place to reside. With that said, we believe that allowing everyone their space for their own views as well as their own ways in which to handle how and when they express them is simply respecting them as human.

There is certainly a time and place for evolved discourse on political issues. For us, we choose to live that day in and day out in our lives at home. Those few days a year at Desire are our time to unplug completely in every way.

Ultimately, Prof and I are counting the days until we can gather with John and Allie and the Swingercast groupies at Desire, a place of utter relaxation and pleasure for us. We choose to take that time for ourselves to celebrate our own relationship and enjoy ourselves with other fascinating and diverse friends. We are grateful for all of our friends and do our best to support them in their journeys as best we can.

Thank you for indulging our little public service announcement. Now back to our regularly scheduled sexy programming.

A Look Back, A Look Forward

It’s the time of year when it’s natural to both reflect and ponder what's ahead. Ginger and I, for as long as we’ve been partnered, have always treated ourselves to a night out and “checked in” with each other at the end of the year. Surely there have been years where we left some things on the table—missed opportunities—but 2010 was certainly not one of them! We sucked the marrow out of life this year (Ginger being particularly adept at oral, she performed beautifully).

While we don’t often write much about our personal lives, we both went through exciting transitions. I'm now Boss Man Bing (for all you Friends aficionados) and Ginger started building her own business in earnest. We both seriously love our careers, except that we are pulled in different geographic directions too often. Oh, and there’s the small issue that we have to be uber-discreet with our personal lives too, which sucks. Planning is already underway for us to work together someday: finding a niche in the world of sex-positivity. Perhaps we’ll host couples (and unicorn) retreats on a deserted island (though we’d “settle” for doing workshops at Desire too), or special 3 hour educational cruises. Cue the music.

The past year was defined for me largely in a single day. It’s not often that one can look at one day on the calendar and feel both tremendous pride and accomplishment. I completed an Ironman triathlon. It is 2.4 miles of swimming, followed by 112 miles of biking and then 26.2 miles of running. The experience was transcendental. Throughout all the preparation, lasting over a year, I was fortunate enough to stay healthy. Ginger was amazing in her support. A triathlete herself, she was understood the importance of the goal completely. She would pamper and then enthusiastically fuck me, though my hips were at times too tired to lift off the bed very much. She has never tired easily, and it’s fun to bring the extra stamina to our extended play sessions. And I have no problem calling in reinforcements if the occasion calls for it…

Our trip to Desire was also a fantastically memorable experience! The resort is such a classy place and the Swingercast crew—led by the unmatchable duo of Allie and John—was fantastic. Inspired by a couple from last year’s trip and Ginger’s spontaneous hot tub orgasms (see Feeling Desirous), I’ve trained in Reiki, and now Ginger can regularly get off through this energy stimulation. The Desire group remains well connected on Twitter, and openly welcomes new people into the fold. This year BareFeatz and Dani Sapphire of the Lifestylelife podcast will be joining us as well. The anticipation—read sexual tension—is already building at the prospects of meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends, and exploring other friendships started on the last trip more, er, thoroughly. Oh, and then there’s the sex swing in the club…they’re going to have a hard time getting Ginger to leave the swing next year!

In the online world, Ginger has been simply amazing in her role on Life on the Swingset – The Podcast. I listen to the episodes, get turned on by her sexy voice and sharp intellect and then pinch myself with the realization that I get to enjoy this Goddess every day. Having recently returned from a trip to the Midwest—the production headquarters of the Swingset—we met the many of the rest of the crew and each is as fantastic in person as they are on the show. Without exception: Quality people. Oh, and crazy hot chemistry. That was fun too!

Each year we figure out a way to “kick it up a notch” (to recycle the old Emeril Lagasse expression). This will be no small task for 2011, but we are up for the challenge. After thinking about all the sexy times from this year, I’m literally “up” for getting started right now.

Here’s to the great friends sharing the journey with us —those we know well, those we’ve recently met, and those we have yet to meet. Cheers!