Feeling Desirous

Desire. The resort’s name is apropos of everything. It’s what you feel when your planning on going. Desire. It’s what you experience when you’re there. Desire. It’s what you long for the moment you leave.

Ginger chronicled the sweet anticipation for the Swingercast trip to Desire in the Wait for it...wait for it… entry. And we will be sharing many more of our observations—and experiences too (with names to protect the sexy)—in our upcoming blogs. For that, you’ll have to wait. Such a tease, aren’t I?

That leaves us with parting Desire: a desire much deeper than the notion that we are anxious to return. Yes, that is certainly the case. As is the case for most people with busy, full lives, we started thinking ahead and considering the next opportunity to return. We actually started that process in advance of even stepping foot on the property. The experiences only further solidified our plans.

Beyond the idea that we’re already in anticipation of the beach’s warm sun and the resort’s classy amenities, it’s the erotic people for which we will hold the desire. In our lizard brains, this manifests as both memories and anticipation of the orgasms—the raw sexual energy openly shared and passed between friends and sometimes even strangers. Well, strangers until the next morning, at least, when a playful friend introduces himself to Ginger and asks her name following a hot make out session in the club the night prior. But that is its own story…Sex was in the air. And we did our part to pay it forward.

Intellectually, we desire the conversations that seamlessly flowed. From ‘real world’ occupations and family histories, to the sharing of sexual experiences and fantasies. The conversations were spontaneous. Some—light and airy. Others—deep and meaningful. Many—filled with laughter. Anywhere and everything was fair game. Hanging out nude in on the beach beds? Well, expect someone may saunter up and strike up a discussion. At lunch, we talked about oral techniques. Over drinks, we’d regale each other with tales. Some shared their sexual adventures. Others talked about what the Lifestyle was like for them. There were no hushed voices during the dinner conversation about double penetration (DP) techniques. To the contrary, the group from across the way—upon seeing one person’s concept of the ‘best’ approach—yelled out “Are you talking about DP!?!”

Most significantly, we desire the social openness. Full cultural immersion to be more specific. People who are from all different parts of the world and walks of life, yet are fully respectful of others as individuals and couples. People who are sexual, but not obsessed. People who are kinky and own it. Perfectly curvy women and petite French snacks. Men of all shapes and men of all sizes. People who are new to the Lifestyle, as well as those that are old school. Those trying new things with a toe in the water, and those going so deep that scuba gear would be in order. And among all of this diversity we were bonded by a simple paradigm: being oneself. As individual sexual beings. As couples sharing new sexual experiences. The balanced existence of voyeurs and exhibitionists. Dominant and submissive. Sadistic and masochistic. The morning risers and those who keep it up all night…

We feel like part of the “Oceanic Six” from Lost. On the way home from the island, the group decides that the ‘real world’ can’t handle the truth. So they make up a story. They share the cover story with their friends and family and in the process of being re-acculturated, they realize how much has changed. Inside themselves that is. Cultural changes happen at glacial speed. People change faster—particularly when challenged. When learning is experiential. And when they are loved and supported in the process. We know we are changed. Yet, we’re re-entering a society that has all the same hang-ups as it did last week. We’re holding tight…to the memories…to the Desire.

p.s. In editing this entry together on the plane, I leaned over to Ginger to ask the following in a rather loud, matter-of-fact tone: "Should it read 'sadist and masochist' or 'sadistic and masochistic'?" After turning heads and our outburst of laughter, we decided on the latter.

Going Soft?

Ginger and I have always been full swap. Before playing with other couples, we talked about the kinds of experiences would like. At the time Tristan Taormino's book Opening Up didn't exist--such a resource certainly would have helped us have more pointed conversations--but I do believe we would have arrived at the same place, initially at least. We enjoyed the discussions, often meandering ones, and the mix of fantasy and reality...a building of potential energy.

As the conversations intensified and certainly as the actions of "finding" someone became real, we were able to discuss very specifically the kinds of things we liked. For me, the idea of Ginger playing with another woman was equally as hot as the idea of her being serviced by multiple men in the same evening. The former was where we landed, while the latter remains but a fantasy...

As presented in Opening Up, and in our other conversations with friends, we appreciate that everyone chooses their own path. Even without the benefit of any experiences, the idea of full swap was more than titillating...more like exhilarating. Our first foray into non-monogamy, both with a female and then with a couple, reinforced that opening up our relationship was not only greatly satisfying sexually, but continually stimulating to our commitment to each other.

We remain friends with both our first lover--who has gone on to a long term relationship--as well as our first couple, who has been out of the lifestyle now for some time. As our exploration has continued, it has become clear that not all lovers stack up. Not to be too critical or blunt, but in spite of some really great chemistry that we've had with others, we are too often left wondering to ourselves...what happened?

This brings us to the idea of going soft. Why? The number one reason would probably be to eliminate the fucking goal. Literally, the goal of getting to fuck. What's wrong with enjoying the build-up? Putting on some music. Turning down the lights. And not in the name of romance. Think watching. Think real live sex show. That stars your partner. Could it get any hotter?

For us, full swap disappointments have taken on two forms: 1. The inpatient lovers--the bull in the china shop who shoots his load (yes, guys it's mostly you) before things even seem to get started. 2. The neglected lovers--here, think the "am I not enough to get your attention" or the "let's fuck, not watch" kind of attitude. So can going soft be the magic elixir to these ailments?

I must confess that I formerly had the perception that the "soft swap" couples were simply in transition...unable to go "all the way" but still wanting to taste the cherry. Could it be that they had it right all along? They enjoy the best of both worlds: the exploration and the foreplay, and then the experience of their primary lover knowing which buttons to push to send them off into the stratosphere...

Soft swap could connect so well with how Ginger and I enjoy playing with each other. Having a very long buildup, getting close to orgasm--perhaps enjoying a teasing release--and then slowly crescendoing in to a mind-blowing experience. When Ginger and I were with our first lover, I would watch for several hours and not ever be sure as to whether I would be included in the dynamic. It was simply a beautiful thing to watch two female shapes intermingled. There was no rushing. It was never predictable. But it was always hot!

Are these the experiences that we'd be trying to re-create in a soft swap dynamic? Or is it simply the delusions created when one has watched too much of the L-Word? And, perhaps most importantly, how will Ginger get fucked by a covey (or is it a bevy?) of guys that we've been fantasizing about? Soft swap?...only with an edge.

Be hot AND smooth. . .it's all about atmosphere, baby.

Atmosphere goes a long way with me.

I've discovered that atmosphere is key a factor in the extent to which I can let go during a sexual experience. The Prof, as you can imagine, is keenly aware of this and essentially goes on autopilot when we arrive at our party accommodations to finesse the room.

Likely most people, when asked, would share that they too enjoy a sexy atmosphere in which to play. Interestingly enough, this doesn't always translate into an actual sexy atmosphere on the part of all hosts.

We can appreciate that it does take some work and forethought to facilitate an erotic atmosphere. Most likely, the lack of any preparation for hosting lovers is simply lack of time, and truthfully, just the result of throwing on hottie clothes and running off to the party! We know. . .we can't wait to hit the dance floor and start flirting either!

So, in the interest of advancing erotic atmospheres and facilitating the maximum number of orgasms in all swinger sex dens and play rooms, we humbly offer this brief checklist for those whose brains are already muddled by hormones and energy shots:

• Lights low?
• Music playing?
• Condoms and lube on the side tables?
• Lots of water around?
• Fruit and chocolate available?

Simple, quick and don't you look smooth? Hells yeah.

Depending on what we are in the mood for, we might have fun sex games available, like those the indomitable Sex is Fun crew recommend available at greatsexgames.com. Of course, a naughty round of body shots or a few strategically placed hits of whipped cream can instantly make the erotic energy crackle.

We might also make the toys and restraints available. We try to gauge whether or not certain sexual accoutrements may make too strong an impression on rookies or slightly vanilla friends. No judgment. . .just being sensitive.

Finessing a hot, orgasm-inducing atmosphere certainly isn't required. But it definitely ensures that all that pent up energy from the flirting and the dance floor can be focused on your lovers and not on moving the shoe she just sat on to the closet or searching and searching (and searching. . .) for those condoms you thought you put in this pocket.

We know you are that hot. Now make sure you are that smooth.

[Cue the porn soundtrack]