Supporting Friends

We feel compelled to post a blog in the wake of the most recent Swingset episode in which Cooper and Marilyn joined the Sex is Fun crew for their trip to Desire. We're so happy everybody had a fantastic time. That is what Desire is all about!

In the lead up to the trip, friends who are all part of this diverse community that is open relationships had an open dialogue in the Twitterverse in which they disagreed. In episode 31 of Swingset, the issue is discussed again. Prof and I respect everyone's right to their own opinions and everyone's right to choose where and how they make, what really amount to, political statements.

Prof and I are supportive of intelligent, measured, respectful dialogue about important issues. We do believe, however, that the most important aspect is remembering that we are all part of a community that just by its nature can be a challenging place to reside. With that said, we believe that allowing everyone their space for their own views as well as their own ways in which to handle how and when they express them is simply respecting them as human.

There is certainly a time and place for evolved discourse on political issues. For us, we choose to live that day in and day out in our lives at home. Those few days a year at Desire are our time to unplug completely in every way.

Ultimately, Prof and I are counting the days until we can gather with John and Allie and the Swingercast groupies at Desire, a place of utter relaxation and pleasure for us. We choose to take that time for ourselves to celebrate our own relationship and enjoy ourselves with other fascinating and diverse friends. We are grateful for all of our friends and do our best to support them in their journeys as best we can.

Thank you for indulging our little public service announcement. Now back to our regularly scheduled sexy programming.

Phuck Pharma!

From the Desk of the Professor:

Phuck pharma.

Female sexual dysfunction? The disease created by pharma for pharma’s benefit.

Instead of rooting out cultural messages that fuck up women’s minds about their own selves as sexual beings. Instead of providing education for women to know how to accept pleasure. Instead of using the energies from their own bodies and that of their partners. Let’s create a pill. And then let’s put prominent sex educators on the dole to go out and start to create a market. Fuck you too Drs. Laura and Jennifer Berman. You are now officially unfollowed off our Twitter feed. Peddle your wares somewheres else.

The clamor to create an effective "Pink Viagra" is disturbing on so many levels. At the top of this list is a dirty little secret: this pill isn’t even being designed for the benefit of women. Think about it—who benefits from the pill most? Men. Yes, this pill is designed for the benefit of men to be administered to women. Our poor male egos are so fragile and damaged from partners that fake orgasm or aren’t ready when WE want it or (insert any other reason). So make no mistake that this will be big business because the men who created it will be marketing it to the men who want it administered in large doses to their partners. Sorry, ladies. You just end up being kind of like a nice, warm blow up doll in this equation.

The documentary Orgasm Inc (@orgasm_inc) exploits the drug industry for what they are and for the carnage they have already created (see Time article “Warning: Orgasm Inc. Will Leave You Hot and Bothered”). Unfortunately, a good documentary is a small defense against the billion dollar marketing machine that is big pharma.

Ok, deep breath.

Yes, I’m ranting like a second-wave feminist. Perhaps it’s the lesbian trapped in my male body aching to get released.

What really riles me up more than anything is the hypocrisy. Selling sex in a pill (or a couple of pills if the dude needs some help too) is ok but only within a sex-negative cultural framework. If I choose a loving, open relationship with my partner, then I am a freak. But if I choose to medicate my wife with desire, it’s perfectly acceptable. If I like and desire sex a lot and with multiple partners, then I will be considered a sex addict. But if a pill from my doctor helps me like and desire sex, then it’s ok.

I was recently talking to a very sexy and very vivacious woman. It was in a work environment, but there was clearly chemistry between us. She was telling me about her background and after some time, disclosed some health problems she had in her past. Serious health problems—she was on the list for a heart transplant. Then, she said “fuck this” (an expression not often used in a business conversation) and decided her health issues were mind over matter. She weaned herself off the meds and has been healthy ever since. And my guess from my swing-dar is that her sex life is very active. From transplant list to healthy is some seriously strong energy. And the irony is, she attributed her health problems to her training as a nurse. She had bought into the mindset that drugs would solve her problems. Yet each step in the medical process made her sicker. From general malaise to transplant list. Until she decided to take control.

Anyone REALLY think a desire pill for women is the answer?

This past year I trained as a level one Reiki practitioner. Energy is an amazing thing. It’s infinite. And we have the capacity to create it and share it as much as we want. No dysfunction necessary to get diagnosed. No pills needed. I’m inspired to teach others and share the love and abundance of energy we have inside of ourselves and all around us. It's open-source and not proprietary. Not even a placebo pill is necessary. In the words of Christopher Ryan, co-author of Sex At Dawn (@sexatdawn), sexual energy is like oxygen...there is as much as we need to fulfill all our desires.

Deep breath...ahhhhhh!

You can only try so hard.

Prof and I just can't seem to score a date these days. Don't get me wrong...we have lots of sexy friends and many new friends we are looking forward to meeting for the first time in person, but we can't seem to coordinate schedules to the point of actually going out on a date!

It really is at the point that we are flabbergasted, both of us. Even tonight, (I'm writing on a late Saturday afternoon) we had a date tonight. We were ready to rock. So very ready to hang out with some amazing and hot friends. And, alas, fate has intervened and they can't make it out tonight. (Sigh.)

So here we are again, it's Saturday night, and as much as we absolutely love spending time together alone over a delicious dinner having excellent conversation, we have done a lot of that lately. We are ready for a date! You know, the kind with another couple, when you're chatting and getting to know one another, and flirting even! I believe I'm at risk of actually forgetting how to flirt with someone other than Prof because it feels like it has been so long.

If we were lesser experienced in the couples' dating scene, I might internalize this date drought and think it has something to with us. But I know better. What I do know from years of dating is opportunity ebbs and flows. Despite the fact that we haven't had a date work out lately, a few months ago we had wild weekends in Chicago and Atlanta and a few weeks ago we had one night with three separate propositions for fun, but we had vanilla plans that were the priority.

We do have an awesome party and the fantastic trip to Desire (which we mention so often in the blog because it is indeed that amazing) on the horizon. We are also planning a hotel party with lots of hotties and are hoping friends will make sure to put it on their schedules well in advance so they can make it for sure. Sometimes all it takes is getting a little perspective.

It is about that time that I start getting sexied up for our date tonight, so I'm going to wrap up here. We will be headed out just the two of us tonight. Of course, there is certainly always the possibility for mischief when Prof and I head out. It may be that we still hear last minute from some hotties that can meet us out. And if not, tonight will still be fun, delicious and satisfying, because with us there is no consolation prize. I get to go home with Prof at the end of the night and that is as hot as it gets!

Sexy Surprises!

Much to our happy and sexy surprise, Prof and I discovered via a super hot friend, that Aarron of Red Region Inferno had noted our blog as one of his Sexiest Blogs of 2010! We are in excellent company on his list and are appreciative of the fact that there are indeed other sexies out there actually reading the words we rub together to make sentences.

We are looking forward to another fun year of dating, partying and traveling with openminded sexy friends who know what it means to work hard and play harder. Already on the docket is a party in a few weeks and our highly anticipated April trip to Desire with the Swingercast crew. We truly can't wait to get back!

In the meantime, Prof and I have met a number of sexy local hotties we are hoping to bring into the fold with other friends during a hotel party of our making. Time to get out the naughty Jenga again!

Thanks for continuing to join us on this pleasurable ride. We wish you a wildly sexy and delicious 2011!

A Look Back, A Look Forward

It’s the time of year when it’s natural to both reflect and ponder what's ahead. Ginger and I, for as long as we’ve been partnered, have always treated ourselves to a night out and “checked in” with each other at the end of the year. Surely there have been years where we left some things on the table—missed opportunities—but 2010 was certainly not one of them! We sucked the marrow out of life this year (Ginger being particularly adept at oral, she performed beautifully).

While we don’t often write much about our personal lives, we both went through exciting transitions. I'm now Boss Man Bing (for all you Friends aficionados) and Ginger started building her own business in earnest. We both seriously love our careers, except that we are pulled in different geographic directions too often. Oh, and there’s the small issue that we have to be uber-discreet with our personal lives too, which sucks. Planning is already underway for us to work together someday: finding a niche in the world of sex-positivity. Perhaps we’ll host couples (and unicorn) retreats on a deserted island (though we’d “settle” for doing workshops at Desire too), or special 3 hour educational cruises. Cue the music.

The past year was defined for me largely in a single day. It’s not often that one can look at one day on the calendar and feel both tremendous pride and accomplishment. I completed an Ironman triathlon. It is 2.4 miles of swimming, followed by 112 miles of biking and then 26.2 miles of running. The experience was transcendental. Throughout all the preparation, lasting over a year, I was fortunate enough to stay healthy. Ginger was amazing in her support. A triathlete herself, she was understood the importance of the goal completely. She would pamper and then enthusiastically fuck me, though my hips were at times too tired to lift off the bed very much. She has never tired easily, and it’s fun to bring the extra stamina to our extended play sessions. And I have no problem calling in reinforcements if the occasion calls for it…

Our trip to Desire was also a fantastically memorable experience! The resort is such a classy place and the Swingercast crew—led by the unmatchable duo of Allie and John—was fantastic. Inspired by a couple from last year’s trip and Ginger’s spontaneous hot tub orgasms (see Feeling Desirous), I’ve trained in Reiki, and now Ginger can regularly get off through this energy stimulation. The Desire group remains well connected on Twitter, and openly welcomes new people into the fold. This year BareFeatz and Dani Sapphire of the Lifestylelife podcast will be joining us as well. The anticipation—read sexual tension—is already building at the prospects of meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends, and exploring other friendships started on the last trip more, er, thoroughly. Oh, and then there’s the sex swing in the club…they’re going to have a hard time getting Ginger to leave the swing next year!

In the online world, Ginger has been simply amazing in her role on Life on the Swingset – The Podcast. I listen to the episodes, get turned on by her sexy voice and sharp intellect and then pinch myself with the realization that I get to enjoy this Goddess every day. Having recently returned from a trip to the Midwest—the production headquarters of the Swingset—we met the many of the rest of the crew and each is as fantastic in person as they are on the show. Without exception: Quality people. Oh, and crazy hot chemistry. That was fun too!

Each year we figure out a way to “kick it up a notch” (to recycle the old Emeril Lagasse expression). This will be no small task for 2011, but we are up for the challenge. After thinking about all the sexy times from this year, I’m literally “up” for getting started right now.

Here’s to the great friends sharing the journey with us —those we know well, those we’ve recently met, and those we have yet to meet. Cheers!

Ginger and The Professor - Revealed

I love the idea that Ginger is podcasting for Life on the Swingset. It makes me even happier when listeners provide feedback about her sexy voice and her even sexier (sharp) intellect. These attributes—among many others—are worthy of sharing with the world. The attention Ginger receives certainly doesn’t go to her head, as she is far too modest for that. Yet, for the ‘inquiring minds’ who want to know more about us, the following offers more about Ginger and the Professor on our not-so-deserted island:

Cocksucka

We have been together for 17 years…we met when Ginger was the irresistible college cheerleader, too hot to be approachable, but confident enough to ask me out. Yay me! Prior to when we met, she’d perfected her technique in giving head thanks to the starting quarterback and select other football players volunteering their hard cocks for her practice. If it sounds cliché that the football players were using the cute cheerleader, then you’ve actually got it backward. Ginger was thoroughly enjoying using them, and the control that she had over them as a result.

Though all of her sexual skills are amazing, her blowjobs are at the top…she can suck the biggest, thickest cocks right down to the balls…she truly enjoys cocks of all sizes and can bring herself to orgasm in the midst of a blow job without missing a beat (and with no hands)…in a moment of passion, one of our friends exclaimed “God, you suck cock like a pro.” If it wasn’t one of our closest and most trusted friends, it may have been awkward to find out how he’d come up with that!

Ginger Succumbs

In the beginnings of our relationship, Ginger had not yet become her insatiable sexual self. Despite all the services for the football team, she didn’t seek any reciprocity from the guys so when we met, her orgasmic potential was not yet fully developed. I still remember the first time I gave her oral sex…she was hesitant at first…warmed slowly…then got so wet and excited as her inhibitions faded…then came so hard that she was surprised. One of the differences for her? A more delicate touch. Less is more. Guys learning how to lick pussy from porn movies jump right in and are very aggressive. Ginger’s clit is uber-sensitive and deep sucking on it will never bring her off. FYI.

From Fantasy to Reality

The fantasy play (pre-open relationship) that we engaged in was the most important part for us to develop and define our sexual relationship. Ginger initially wasn’t much of a talker, but I was super turned on by hearing about her sexual experiences and history. As we’d recount those stories, her body would get very aroused. I’d point that out. Then we’d talk more, or turn her prior sexual experiences into more of a fantasy direction. “Can you imagine how good it would have felt for you to take his hard cock out of your mouth and to slip it into your pussy?” Then I’d play it out while we fucked…making up and adjusting the narrative as her body responded in different ways. I’d sense if it wasn’t working and then move the story in a different direction. Occasionally, she’d say “tell me more” or “oh, not that.” She was always welcome to contribute, but didn’t find her voice often (which has now changed!).

Our fantasy play would happen in fits and spurts (no pun intended) as we became comfortable with opening ourselves, and our desires, to each other. More than anything, paying attention to her body’s reaction was really important for figuring out what was truly erotic versus what was just not doing it for her. Sometimes she’d be quiet, so there were no verbal cues but her pussy would be very, very wet. Other times she’d be more vocal—the occasional “mmm” or breathless “yeah”—letting me know we were on the right track. Ginger was comfortable expressing that she wasn’t into an idea or fantasy and we’d go in a different direction. Sometimes, I’d challenge her, gently, by point out that she didn’t need to “over-think” it—that following her body’s reaction was best—and to let go of judging herself for being turned on by an idea. We talked a lot about other men…then introduced the idea of other women…first with me and eventually with her. It all really got her hot. Then we started talking about her social interactions with women and when she’d find herself getting wet “for no reason.” Welcome to bisexuality Ginger! And thanks to the hot, inked and adorned coffee girl for pushing her over the edge! Gin still gets enormously turned on by the Suicide Girl look.

Unicorn, Briefly Recounted

We’ve referred in other posts to our first non-monogamous sexual experience with another woman. Without knowing anything, we posted on Craigslist and luckily found an amazing person to start the journey. In her first meeting with our friend, Ginger said the woman was absolutely stunning, and smart, but a little spastic. She told me about how the woman jumped up in the middle of the conversation and hustled off to the bathroom. Ginger wasn’t sure if it was over, but come to find out, the woman’s bra had mysteriously come unfastened. That’s some strong energy! Be forewarned ladies!

Orgasm is to Ginger as Snow is to Eskimo

(Yes, I realize how absolutely nerdy that subtitle is.)

Even before our openness, Ginger was multi-orgasmic. Our explorations—continued fantasy play and experiences with others—have seemed to enhance this. More than ever, she is tuned into her own body. As she recently wrote on Swingset, this includes her ability to “think off,” or orgasm without any stimulation. She has as many words for different types orgasm as Eskimos do for snow. Some of them I can offer her with my body, mouth, and fingers. Other types only come with other lovers and how they uniquely fuck her (and what they fuck her with). The orgasms she has in our power exchange play—something we have yet to include others in—are of even a different quality, and others Os come only from the female touch. She’s discovered that she really loves to be the fucker over the past year…now owning a selection of harnesses and dildos for every occasion. There is a certain look that overcomes her when she fastens her harness and selects her cock…she fucks with a gusto that’d make any male porn star envious. And even more recently she’s taken a liking to pegging me…it’s amazingly hot for me to see Ginger over me with her sexy athletic body, stimulating my P-Spot with her hands all over my cock.

All of the ways that Ginger and I enjoy sex—and the different types of orgasms she has with me and with others couldn’t make me happier. When I deliberately go to my lizard brain and consider the idea that she can experience pleasure that I cannot provide, I expect to find some kind of jealousy, or maybe even more instinctually being threatened; yet, it doesn’t happen. When I reflect on something and think about how what I’m feeling differs from what I “should” feel, it is a clear sign that the predominant cultural forces still have influence over me. Going back to the previous paragraph, I had to stop and think whether I should disclose that I like Ginger to fuck me with her favorite dildo. Will people be turned off? Will they stop reading the blog? I’m not fishing for feedback. I’ve simply arrived at the conclusion for me: Fuck how we “should” act. And feel free to arrive at your own place. I may not be into it, but I certainly won’t judge it either.

Feeling Desirous Again

Ok, no more ranting to myself. The last thing to share—for this post at least—is that we are newly addicted to naked vacations. After a couple of years going to Hedo in Jamaica and enjoying general nakedness and the adult-spring-break vibe, we went last year to Desire with Swingercast. Whoa! Now THAT is a way to vacation. Relaxed. Playful. Classy. Sensual. You know you’ve found the right place to vacation when the adjectives to describe the place are the same ways you think of yourself. We are so excited to be headed back again, April 2011, once again with the Swingercast crew. John and Allie are terrific hosts and have attracted an amazing group of people to the event. We look forward to reconnecting (pun intended) with friends from the last vacation, as well as meeting new people, such as Bare Featz and Dani Sapphire from the LifestyleLife podcast. If you’re coming, be sure to join the Swingercast private Desire forum so we can all connect before the amazing week that is to come. According to their countdown clock, a mere 182 days to wait…

How Did We End Up In Our Bathroom?

Prof and I had a super sexy fun weekend! Love that! It seems like our schedules our allowing for a bit more fun lately. We’ve come off a stretch of having no time to work in any hang out time with our sexually-open friends, or any friends for that matter. We’ve still enjoyed our time together and have anticipated this weekend where we attended a party.

It was an excellent party where we were meeting many sexy friends. In true swinger fashion, it was a costume party. Neither of our costumes consisted of much material, so we were tooling around decent and appropriate, but half naked. With so many friends we were happy to see, and so many new people to meet, it was quite a busy night. When Prof and I enjoy parties, we are not always mingling together. It happens sometimes that Prof meets fun hotties while I am off meeting others or hanging out with friends.

Before this party, we hosted a female unicorn friend in our room during pre-party while we were getting dressed in our costumes. She is someone we enjoy very much, care about and love to hang out with. She attends the same parties independently and on occasion will make plans to play on party nights. At this party, both Prof and Sexy Unicorn met the same couple, thought they were hot and fun and enjoyed their company. I had only said hello, but didn't have the chance to get to know them at all.

As the party progressed, we were all mingling and having an excellent time. The larger group of friends all knew one another already and made a plan to adjourn to one room for sexy play. As the new hot couple seemed to fold seamlessly into the group, they were invited to join. The wrinkle was they were newbies and weren't sure they were game to play in such a large group. Understandable.

While they considered their options, I and the rest of the group started the private party. Sexy Unicorn was invited to join Newbies to play, so after conferring with me, Prof extended them the offer to use our room.

So picture it: I am carried away in sexy play with friends. Prof is attempting to ascertain who is invited back to our room and if we are included in that group. And at the center of the negotiation are the understandably nervous and excited Newbies. Throw in our friend, sweet Sexy Unicorn, for good measure and you have yourself a perfect example of what not to do.

The Sexy Unicorn and Newbies finally couldn't wait any longer and took us up on our offer to use our room. At that point, Prof gently coaxed me from watching the delicious orgy action to suggest what I thought was that we should go "host" Newbies and Sexy Unicorn in our room. I agreed that would be gracious of us assuming we were invited to be part of that group.

What I hadn't considered that I realized as we were walking to our room was that I didn't feel comfortable actually sexually engaging with Newbies, because I wanted to get to know them better first. That revelation would have better served us had I realized it before we were in our room watching the sexy action. We were propositioned to join and given that I was pretty decided I wasn’t going to play, but yet conflicted, the natural thing was to…well, retreat to the bathroom of our hotel room, of course. Yeah, I know, I know…what was I thinking? The answer: not much with my hormone-clouded orgasmic brain.

After Prof realized I wasn’t planning on joining the sexies on the bed, he joined me in the bathroom. And there we were…sitting in our bathroom while everybody else was playing and orgasming.

So that's how we ended up in our bathroom.

At that point, admittedly quite late in the game, we had a clear conversation about where the hell we were going to land that night. After we sifted through the sparse and confusing communication we had throughout the night, we decided to politely excuse ourselves from our room and head back to the group. Although Newbies were very sexy and fun, I was not up for playing with them until we got to know them better. Prof honored that and happily joined me in yet another half-naked traipsing across the lawn to our friends’ room.

As we put the pieces together during a subsequent hot tub discussion, Prof and I relearned the value of consistent, clear communication throughout the night at a party, especially when five couples and a unicorn are involved. Had we not been patient with each other and honored each other's feelings, that night would have easily been a bust. But we were patient and we did honor each other's feelings and because of that had a fantastic, hot night!

In follow-up from that crazy night, we connected with Sexy Unicorn and hottie Newbies to let them know we were so happy they had an awesome time that night and look forward to getting together for a date night ahead of our next party opportunity. Prof and I are confident we won't end up in our bathroom at the next party unless it's for a delicious quickie in the shower during pre-party.