Ginger and The Professor - Revealed

I love the idea that Ginger is podcasting for Life on the Swingset. It makes me even happier when listeners provide feedback about her sexy voice and her even sexier (sharp) intellect. These attributes—among many others—are worthy of sharing with the world. The attention Ginger receives certainly doesn’t go to her head, as she is far too modest for that. Yet, for the ‘inquiring minds’ who want to know more about us, the following offers more about Ginger and the Professor on our not-so-deserted island:

Cocksucka

We have been together for 17 years…we met when Ginger was the irresistible college cheerleader, too hot to be approachable, but confident enough to ask me out. Yay me! Prior to when we met, she’d perfected her technique in giving head thanks to the starting quarterback and select other football players volunteering their hard cocks for her practice. If it sounds cliché that the football players were using the cute cheerleader, then you’ve actually got it backward. Ginger was thoroughly enjoying using them, and the control that she had over them as a result.

Though all of her sexual skills are amazing, her blowjobs are at the top…she can suck the biggest, thickest cocks right down to the balls…she truly enjoys cocks of all sizes and can bring herself to orgasm in the midst of a blow job without missing a beat (and with no hands)…in a moment of passion, one of our friends exclaimed “God, you suck cock like a pro.” If it wasn’t one of our closest and most trusted friends, it may have been awkward to find out how he’d come up with that!

Ginger Succumbs

In the beginnings of our relationship, Ginger had not yet become her insatiable sexual self. Despite all the services for the football team, she didn’t seek any reciprocity from the guys so when we met, her orgasmic potential was not yet fully developed. I still remember the first time I gave her oral sex…she was hesitant at first…warmed slowly…then got so wet and excited as her inhibitions faded…then came so hard that she was surprised. One of the differences for her? A more delicate touch. Less is more. Guys learning how to lick pussy from porn movies jump right in and are very aggressive. Ginger’s clit is uber-sensitive and deep sucking on it will never bring her off. FYI.

From Fantasy to Reality

The fantasy play (pre-open relationship) that we engaged in was the most important part for us to develop and define our sexual relationship. Ginger initially wasn’t much of a talker, but I was super turned on by hearing about her sexual experiences and history. As we’d recount those stories, her body would get very aroused. I’d point that out. Then we’d talk more, or turn her prior sexual experiences into more of a fantasy direction. “Can you imagine how good it would have felt for you to take his hard cock out of your mouth and to slip it into your pussy?” Then I’d play it out while we fucked…making up and adjusting the narrative as her body responded in different ways. I’d sense if it wasn’t working and then move the story in a different direction. Occasionally, she’d say “tell me more” or “oh, not that.” She was always welcome to contribute, but didn’t find her voice often (which has now changed!).

Our fantasy play would happen in fits and spurts (no pun intended) as we became comfortable with opening ourselves, and our desires, to each other. More than anything, paying attention to her body’s reaction was really important for figuring out what was truly erotic versus what was just not doing it for her. Sometimes she’d be quiet, so there were no verbal cues but her pussy would be very, very wet. Other times she’d be more vocal—the occasional “mmm” or breathless “yeah”—letting me know we were on the right track. Ginger was comfortable expressing that she wasn’t into an idea or fantasy and we’d go in a different direction. Sometimes, I’d challenge her, gently, by point out that she didn’t need to “over-think” it—that following her body’s reaction was best—and to let go of judging herself for being turned on by an idea. We talked a lot about other men…then introduced the idea of other women…first with me and eventually with her. It all really got her hot. Then we started talking about her social interactions with women and when she’d find herself getting wet “for no reason.” Welcome to bisexuality Ginger! And thanks to the hot, inked and adorned coffee girl for pushing her over the edge! Gin still gets enormously turned on by the Suicide Girl look.

Unicorn, Briefly Recounted

We’ve referred in other posts to our first non-monogamous sexual experience with another woman. Without knowing anything, we posted on Craigslist and luckily found an amazing person to start the journey. In her first meeting with our friend, Ginger said the woman was absolutely stunning, and smart, but a little spastic. She told me about how the woman jumped up in the middle of the conversation and hustled off to the bathroom. Ginger wasn’t sure if it was over, but come to find out, the woman’s bra had mysteriously come unfastened. That’s some strong energy! Be forewarned ladies!

Orgasm is to Ginger as Snow is to Eskimo

(Yes, I realize how absolutely nerdy that subtitle is.)

Even before our openness, Ginger was multi-orgasmic. Our explorations—continued fantasy play and experiences with others—have seemed to enhance this. More than ever, she is tuned into her own body. As she recently wrote on Swingset, this includes her ability to “think off,” or orgasm without any stimulation. She has as many words for different types orgasm as Eskimos do for snow. Some of them I can offer her with my body, mouth, and fingers. Other types only come with other lovers and how they uniquely fuck her (and what they fuck her with). The orgasms she has in our power exchange play—something we have yet to include others in—are of even a different quality, and others Os come only from the female touch. She’s discovered that she really loves to be the fucker over the past year…now owning a selection of harnesses and dildos for every occasion. There is a certain look that overcomes her when she fastens her harness and selects her cock…she fucks with a gusto that’d make any male porn star envious. And even more recently she’s taken a liking to pegging me…it’s amazingly hot for me to see Ginger over me with her sexy athletic body, stimulating my P-Spot with her hands all over my cock.

All of the ways that Ginger and I enjoy sex—and the different types of orgasms she has with me and with others couldn’t make me happier. When I deliberately go to my lizard brain and consider the idea that she can experience pleasure that I cannot provide, I expect to find some kind of jealousy, or maybe even more instinctually being threatened; yet, it doesn’t happen. When I reflect on something and think about how what I’m feeling differs from what I “should” feel, it is a clear sign that the predominant cultural forces still have influence over me. Going back to the previous paragraph, I had to stop and think whether I should disclose that I like Ginger to fuck me with her favorite dildo. Will people be turned off? Will they stop reading the blog? I’m not fishing for feedback. I’ve simply arrived at the conclusion for me: Fuck how we “should” act. And feel free to arrive at your own place. I may not be into it, but I certainly won’t judge it either.

Feeling Desirous Again

Ok, no more ranting to myself. The last thing to share—for this post at least—is that we are newly addicted to naked vacations. After a couple of years going to Hedo in Jamaica and enjoying general nakedness and the adult-spring-break vibe, we went last year to Desire with Swingercast. Whoa! Now THAT is a way to vacation. Relaxed. Playful. Classy. Sensual. You know you’ve found the right place to vacation when the adjectives to describe the place are the same ways you think of yourself. We are so excited to be headed back again, April 2011, once again with the Swingercast crew. John and Allie are terrific hosts and have attracted an amazing group of people to the event. We look forward to reconnecting (pun intended) with friends from the last vacation, as well as meeting new people, such as Bare Featz and Dani Sapphire from the LifestyleLife podcast. If you’re coming, be sure to join the Swingercast private Desire forum so we can all connect before the amazing week that is to come. According to their countdown clock, a mere 182 days to wait…

How Did We End Up In Our Bathroom?

Prof and I had a super sexy fun weekend! Love that! It seems like our schedules our allowing for a bit more fun lately. We’ve come off a stretch of having no time to work in any hang out time with our sexually-open friends, or any friends for that matter. We’ve still enjoyed our time together and have anticipated this weekend where we attended a party.

It was an excellent party where we were meeting many sexy friends. In true swinger fashion, it was a costume party. Neither of our costumes consisted of much material, so we were tooling around decent and appropriate, but half naked. With so many friends we were happy to see, and so many new people to meet, it was quite a busy night. When Prof and I enjoy parties, we are not always mingling together. It happens sometimes that Prof meets fun hotties while I am off meeting others or hanging out with friends.

Before this party, we hosted a female unicorn friend in our room during pre-party while we were getting dressed in our costumes. She is someone we enjoy very much, care about and love to hang out with. She attends the same parties independently and on occasion will make plans to play on party nights. At this party, both Prof and Sexy Unicorn met the same couple, thought they were hot and fun and enjoyed their company. I had only said hello, but didn't have the chance to get to know them at all.

As the party progressed, we were all mingling and having an excellent time. The larger group of friends all knew one another already and made a plan to adjourn to one room for sexy play. As the new hot couple seemed to fold seamlessly into the group, they were invited to join. The wrinkle was they were newbies and weren't sure they were game to play in such a large group. Understandable.

While they considered their options, I and the rest of the group started the private party. Sexy Unicorn was invited to join Newbies to play, so after conferring with me, Prof extended them the offer to use our room.

So picture it: I am carried away in sexy play with friends. Prof is attempting to ascertain who is invited back to our room and if we are included in that group. And at the center of the negotiation are the understandably nervous and excited Newbies. Throw in our friend, sweet Sexy Unicorn, for good measure and you have yourself a perfect example of what not to do.

The Sexy Unicorn and Newbies finally couldn't wait any longer and took us up on our offer to use our room. At that point, Prof gently coaxed me from watching the delicious orgy action to suggest what I thought was that we should go "host" Newbies and Sexy Unicorn in our room. I agreed that would be gracious of us assuming we were invited to be part of that group.

What I hadn't considered that I realized as we were walking to our room was that I didn't feel comfortable actually sexually engaging with Newbies, because I wanted to get to know them better first. That revelation would have better served us had I realized it before we were in our room watching the sexy action. We were propositioned to join and given that I was pretty decided I wasn’t going to play, but yet conflicted, the natural thing was to…well, retreat to the bathroom of our hotel room, of course. Yeah, I know, I know…what was I thinking? The answer: not much with my hormone-clouded orgasmic brain.

After Prof realized I wasn’t planning on joining the sexies on the bed, he joined me in the bathroom. And there we were…sitting in our bathroom while everybody else was playing and orgasming.

So that's how we ended up in our bathroom.

At that point, admittedly quite late in the game, we had a clear conversation about where the hell we were going to land that night. After we sifted through the sparse and confusing communication we had throughout the night, we decided to politely excuse ourselves from our room and head back to the group. Although Newbies were very sexy and fun, I was not up for playing with them until we got to know them better. Prof honored that and happily joined me in yet another half-naked traipsing across the lawn to our friends’ room.

As we put the pieces together during a subsequent hot tub discussion, Prof and I relearned the value of consistent, clear communication throughout the night at a party, especially when five couples and a unicorn are involved. Had we not been patient with each other and honored each other's feelings, that night would have easily been a bust. But we were patient and we did honor each other's feelings and because of that had a fantastic, hot night!

In follow-up from that crazy night, we connected with Sexy Unicorn and hottie Newbies to let them know we were so happy they had an awesome time that night and look forward to getting together for a date night ahead of our next party opportunity. Prof and I are confident we won't end up in our bathroom at the next party unless it's for a delicious quickie in the shower during pre-party.

Swingers share.

Prof and I recently had a fun weekend out with sexy friends. It wasn't meant to be anything more than just fun on the town...the Platonic swinger outing, if you will. We were with a handful of hottie couples hanging out when another hottie couple we know arrived along with another couple we didn't.

My immediate intuition was that the other sexies were swingers too. As it happened, they were indeed. The four of them were out on a date and here they were in our midst! Bringing their catch into the lion's den of all places: a room full of swingers!

Were they that confident not of us would make our own move? Were they trying to ditch the lackluster dates among us and slip out the back door? Were they simply flaunting their newfound hot conquests?

Nah...none of the above.

As it turns out, swingers are typically "good sharers." Go figure. Our friends figured what a fun way to get to know another couple and introduce them to other sexy friends at the same time. We all behaved. Prof and I were friendly, but made sure to give the new "lust birds" some space to bask in that N.R.E. (new relationship energy).

As it turns out, the four of them left together toward the end of the evening. Who knows what the trajectory of their evening turned out to be. As you are in the Lifestyle longer and longer, Prof and I believe you become even better sharers, even encouraging sexy friends to meet new people and root for them in that endeavor.

In the end, we just felt great knowing there's another couple of swingers in the world moving us toward a critical mass. And, of course, we can always ask them out next time we see them, since our friends are excellent sharers.

What's life without adventure?

Oprah did a show on swinging some time ago. It profiled a PTA mom and a couple of CPAs. Oprah's audience members looked shocked. The swingers in the crowd pretended they were shocked. The swingers watching at home were completely not shocked.

Of course, demonstrating Oprah's and the production staff's general cluelessness about consensual non-monogamy, they paired the swinging segment with a segment on infidelity and spousal abuse. Great. Thanks, Oprah. With friends like you who needs enemies? Another topic for another time.

Back to the PTA mom and the CPAs...yep, that is pretty much us. We hear it over and over again. Swingers are "normal" people. Swingers have families. Swingers go to church. Hell, swingers teach Sunday School. (Oops, sorry, I meant to say "heck.") Swingers are nurses. Swingers are lawyers. Swingers are teachers. Swingers are executives. Swingers are firefighters. Swingers are your neighbors. (Unless you live next to us, then it's the other neighbors, yeah, those neighbors.)

For the most part, swingers go about living their lives just like everybody else except for the fact that their lives, especially Friday and Saturday nights, are much more fun than most people's...not just because there's wild, wanton sex EVERY weekend, but because swingers are the kind of people who really live life. Again, not just because there's is an abundant amount of fantastic sex (which there is, and contrary to popular belief, mostly with their own partners), but because they're always the friends who stay the latest at the party and they're the ones who always have a vacation planned. They're the ones who don't let an opportunity for fun and adventure go by.

I remember when Prof and I were just dipping our toes in the sexy swinger water and that very word, adventure, kept popping up on websites, in books we were reading, from other "adventurous" people we were meeting online. And you know what? It has pretty much proven to be true. People we meet in the Lifestyle are serious movers and shakers and not just on the dance floor or in the bedroom. Our Lifestyle friends have unique careers, exciting hobbies, fun families and awesome relationships with their partners.

Of course, the Lifestyle can carry with it its share of drama, but Prof and I have instituted a strict no-drama-allowed policy and if either of us feel even a little unsettled about the quality of a couple's relationship or the motives of a potential partner, we wish them well and move on. We recommend the no-drama policy to anyone thinking of exploring the Lifestyle or those already in who haven't yet adopted the aforementioned policy.

Through the no-drama policy, honoring chemistry and listening to intuition, we have cultivated a great group of sexually open friends. They keep us on our toes and entertained through sharing in their lives and adventures, including sexy vacations, hot dates, erotic parties and even occasional PTA meetings and trips to the accountant.

Here's to adventure, hotties!

My very first time...just for you.

I'll let you in on something I'm doing for the very first time. That's right, I'm a virgin in this department: writing a sex toy review.

Like spreading dark chocolate sauce over Prof's gorgeous hard body and sensuously licking it off, I don't do it all the time, but sometimes I'm just overwhelmingly moved to do so.

With that said, I spent a luxurious amount of time in Good Vibrations in San Francisco looking for just the right delicious little device to keep me company while Prof and I were apart. I browsed the dildos, vibrators of varying sizes, BDSM accoutrements and other pulse-quickening goodies.

I eventually settled in to exploring the G-spot toys. G-spot orgasms are part of what makes life worth living as I shared in a past post, so I figured I could use a few in Prof's absence. Regardless of a recent study positing that the G-spot doesn't exist, I know that I have one, where it is, how to stimulate it and that, when I'm patient, it lends to the most satisfying orgasms in the history of the world. Take that, non-sexological genetic epidemiological researchers.

After careful consideration, I decided on the G-Ki by Je Joue. Little did I know at the time, my evening was going to get surprisingly more pleasant.

The toy itself is sleek and sexy with a choice of four colors...I chose black. Worth mentioning, the G-Ki is waterproof and lends itself nicely to couple and moresomes play. It has a cool magnetic charging system for those who are dazzled by clever gadgetry. The controls are a simple + and - with five strengths of vibration and five varying pulses. Simply progress through the vibrations with the + to reach the moan-inducing pulses.

I settled in with my G-Ki and started, as they recommended, with it in the most straight position. Have your favorite lubricant on hand as you get started. (I enjoy Sliquid Organics which you can get from the Smitten Kitten...although I didn't need it that night. I was too fired up for my new toy.) Time for + 1...then + 2...then + 3...ahhh...lovely.

As I started breathing a little heavier, I tilted the adjustable head so it nodded in toward my increasingly humming G-spot. That was oh so fantastic. After almost going for it and calling it a night, I decided to press on in the name of passing along quality, thorough information to all you sexy people...so on to + 4...+ 5...then pulse. Oh my. Time to get serious.

I stopped long enough to tilt the lower adjustable spot so my G-Ki was attending both my G-spot and my clitoris. Now back to the pulse. I used the Je Joue website's recommended rocking motion to give attention to every single spot that was requiring it. I could have chosen to take a breather and prolong the ecstasy, but happily it's my very own toy and I don't need to ration the orgasms. The G-Ki certainly earned its name that night. Yum.

The G-Ki was $99 at Good Vibrations, so it is an investment. If you can only buy one toy with your entire sex toy budget, this one is worth it.

Now if you'll excuse me, after writing this review, I'm reminded I have orgasms ready and waiting.

Respect and responsibility: A consensual non-monogamist's perspective on sexual health

Ah, yes, swingers and consensual non-monogamy in the news again. This time the headline is that swingers over age 45 are at higher risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) than other groups, according to a Dutch study.

The study does bring to light the issue that swingers are an invisible group. Healthcare providers assume that if you are married/partnered you are presumed monogamous, in which case the onus is on each individual to take control of her/his health and request regular STI testing.

Unfortunately, depending on how judgmental your health care provider is, this can be a smooth process or a harrowing, embarrassing one. It should always be the former. All health care providers should create an environment in which any and all steps to ensure our health are met with acceptance and zero judgment. If you are met with judgment, move on to a healthcare professional who is mature and open-minded.

Just like the groups about which healthcare professionals make assumptions, the study compares demographic groups. Like any other demographic group as used in the study, such as "young," "gay," or "bisexual," "swingers" vary on the continuum of sexually responsible to sexually irresponsible.

This demographic grouping could include "married." Most adults engage in sexual activity and I wager that there are married partners engaged in NON-consensual non-monogamy, i.e. cheating, that don't use safer sex practices. By definition, they are irresponsible to their partners through their deceit and betrayal.

Creating a judgment of sexual behaviors based on with whom and with how many without taking into account the nature of the relationship is simply sex-negative and closed-minded.

A sex-positive perspective allows for sexual behavior that is enjoyed with safer sex practices regardless of with whom or how many partners. Just as we each have the right to decide for ourselves who our partners are and how many are appropriate, we each have the responsibility to respect ourselves and our partners by have informed conversations about our partners' sexual health and practicing safer sex.

Clearly, dealing in a mature, tolerant way regarding sexually open relationships is still beyond the capacity of our culture, as noted in the first line of this media coverage via Time.com. The first lines we read:

"As well as skeeving us all out, swingers — couples who regularly swap partners at organized parties or clubs — may have rates of sexually transmitted infection (STI) that are higher than those in high-risk groups, like female prostitutes, a Dutch study found. Middle-aged swingers, over the age of 45, were particularly vulnerable to disease. Moreover, the authors of the study said in a statement, swingers, who by definition get around a lot, 'may act as an STI transmission bridge to the entire population.'"

We are then treated to the...ummm...thoughtful wrap up of the issue: "Overall, according to the survey, the average 45-year-old makes love once a week for about 22 minutes, in a bedroom, with the lights off. It may not be the most exciting model around, but it probably beats the hell out of getting the clap."

Whoa...wow...much mainstream media coverage is this sex-negative and makes erroneous assumptions and generalizations of swingers' behavior. That's the portrayal in mainstream media of consensual non-monogamy in 2010. Clearly, there is much consciousness-raising and progress to be made ahead of us.

We all have the right to our sexual happiness and health. A positive sexual life, with whomever and however we choose, is an integral part of the healthy whole person. The reality is people who respect themselves and their lovers take preventative measures to preserve their health whether they are married, partnered, single, gay, bisexual, heterosexual, swinger, polyamorous or any combination of the above.

Slow ride. . .

Prof and I enjoy watching The L Word together. Granted it has enjoyed it's season finale, we still mourn its ending and watch, watch and rewatch.

As I have come to expect, any time we are watching and a sex scene is afoot, Prof grumbles, "There's no way. Women take four times as long to even get one article of clothing off." Not that he is panting to see hot, naked, sexy women or even see the lovely, gorgeous sex scenes, actually he's just concerned that they are inauthentically portraying sex between and among women.

Prof is an all-female sex enthusiast and not in the leering, testosterone-soaked way. He has shared with me that watching women, or specifically me with female lovers, has opened his mind to the possibilities of inventive, slow, relaxed, yet wildly passionate sex.

I think we can all take a page from the all-female hot sex playbook and just enjoy the ride. Guess what? There are more erogenous zones than just the mouth, nipples and naughty bits. Explore, enjoy the journey, savor the sights, sounds, smells, tastes. . .really soak it all in.

Prof has blogged about this phenomenon in the form of us totally enjoying the soft swap experiences we have had because it takes male-female penetrative sex off the table. Not that there's anything wrong with that. . .but it can tend to preoccupy the guys and short-circuit the circuitous route to pleasure, if you know what I mean. Pleasure is pleasure and it comes in many forms, not just that of the penetrative orgasm.

With all that said, I humbly submit as a passionately omnisexual woman that all lovers (of anyone, not just me) should s.l.o.w. d.o.w.n. Really. Explore your partner. Savor your own enjoyment. Try out some 'new moves.' Breathe. Unless you are paying by the half-hour (not that there's anything wrong with that), take your time. The lovers I have enjoyed the most are the lovers that have taken their time. And, even the lovers who haven't I would enjoy that much more if they, you guessed it, took their time.

So, let's all do our part to prolong the pleasure, encourage your lovers to slow down, really do it right. Those of us who are sex connoisseurs recognize that the slower, the better, the more confident. So go indulge in some slow, sexy, hot playing. . .female, male, intersex, many, few, alone. . .it's all good. . .just do it s.l.o.w.l.y.