Deep Thoughts From Vanilla Exile

Whoa! Serious vanilla overdose!

So Prof and I have worked in a little bit of fun here and there, including the new experience of Prof attending a party with another sexy friend while I was out of town. (More on that forthcoming.) Other than that, it has been all vanilla all the time. Oh, wait, there was one sexy night of a bit of exhibitionism, and although lovely, it was quite short-lived.

Okay, so maybe not all vanilla all the time, but certainly a drastic downshift from our regular social calendar.

As we have moved through this vanilla phase, I’ve realized just how busy an ethical non-monogamist’s life actually is. Even though we haven’t had the time to actively date, we are still building and maintaining relationships that mean something to us. Some are long-time friends we miss. Some are new budding relationships that have fantastic promise. And some are just fun messages from brand new hotties we haven’t met yet, but would love to find the time to meet.

Despite the fact that we haven’t been dating, we are still trying to keep up with all of these sexies and treat them all with respect and devote the time they deserve. And, you know what? It is a challenge. Now, don’t take this as whining. It is simply an observation. We so enjoy cultivating fascinating and hot relationships, but having to take this time to step back from the frantic fun provides some perspective.

There is indeed validity in the monogamists questioning how in the world we swing/open/poly types make it work! And add in families, professional work, hobbies and the other minutiae that occupy our time and it is crazy. In a world where half of the couples can’t even keep their primary relationships together, who the hell are we to have awesome primary relationships and go trolling for more?!

People debate the concept of ethical non-monogamy being a choice we make. Ahh well, when it comes down to it, Prof and I know it is simply how we are built. Individual people and discrete couples can decide for themselves how they roll. And we are all different, even within the swing/open/poly community everyone does it their own way. There are some, perhaps many, who know that they could easily choose to be monogamous. That’s cool. Whatever works for you…seriously awesome. Among other things, it will leave you with a lot more time on your hands to reappropriate.

What Prof and I have realized is that is not us. We are ethical non-monogamists inside and out. Could we choose to change our behavior and remain monogamous? Sure. Absolutely. We are strong-minded people. The difference is, if we did that, we would not truly be authentically ourselves. We would be trying to be people that we are not.

So here we are, in the midst of trying to cultivate and maintain rewarding, authentic and often sexy relationships, and it feels frenzied and sometimes we disappoint. But we do our best while being authentically who we are in all our imperfect, open-relationshippy glory.

We could certainly choose monogamy, but we choose to be ourselves totally and completely…our doing-the-best-we-can, ethically-nonmonogamous, ridiculously busy selves.

And it feels right.

A little motivation

It's been far, far too long since we've posted. We could easily blame it on a busy life, our highly programmed (vanilla) summer, or myriad other reasons. Yet, it occurred to me that what we may have been missing most was simply some motivation.

It's time to take matters into my own hands.

As I write, Ginger is laid out before me...wearing nothing but a collar and some temporary red marks on her porcelain skin from the touch of my hand and our new flogger. From this point on, she'll be telling us all a bit about her dirty little secrets. My job: continue to apply the right motivation. Let's see what happens...

To be in a place so raw and simple makes everything simple. Nothing else exists but what Prof wants. What Prof wants is my dirty little secrets. My truth as it exists right now is coaxed from me by his hardness against my body and the rope he is working around my ankle. The truth I'm sharing with you may or may not earn me orgasms tonight. And, I want them.

As both my legs strain against the ropes tied to the bed posts, I know I'm not going anywhere until you know my truth in this moment. The most secret of my secrets is I want many hands, many lips, many tongues. Any other time, every other time, I censor myself.

Only with the weight and sting of the flogger and potential promise of orgasms will I admit that I want to feel warm hardness all around me. Hands full, mouth full, hardness completely filling me. For their pleasure, not for mine. My pleasure lies in feeling full and manic and sinking deep into the feeling of too many bodies to count.

I want to be sated. I don't want to wonder if I have orgasms left to come. Pushed, stretched, tested, exhausted...I want to enjoy seeing and feeling each climax all around me, on me, yet know there is still more to come.

I want to feel skin against my skin with sweat mingling for the effort. I want to feel hands in my hair tightening and twisting, guiding me toward their pleasure over and over. Fully breathing, hips meeting hips, mouths meeting mouths, I want to feel everything and think nothing.

I want to hear their deep primal voices directing and demanding me. The space is thick with urgency and the scent of erotic intensity. The walls are gone. With every orgasm I want more, until all at once I don't.

I am open and exposed and prostrate. Then they are all gone...but Prof.

p.s. I added the picture of Ginger after she was all done, so hard at work...and yes, she did earn her orgasm ;)

The Shameless Walks of Shame

I suppose when you work at the front desk of a hotel you have likely seen a lot, especially on Saturday night. Well, Prof and I and some super sexy friends did our part in adding to the hotel front desk employees’ entertainment this past weekend.

We were very lucky to have been hosted on two consecutive nights by two crazy hot couples we met at Desire this year. They are actually friends with each other as well and are part of a group of friends who served as planning committee and erotic welcome wagon for us as we traveled to their fair city.

We looked forward to the visit with no expectations beyond that of delicious intellectual foreplay and the witty and flirty conversational attack, parry and riposte. Getting to cultivate relationships with friends we meet at Desire is so satisfying. It makes us realize that, although time spent at Desire can feel like traveling to another dimension, the relationships we start there are real and multidimensional when everyone wishes it to be so.

We enjoyed some truly spectacular sightseeing from the inside of two swank hotel rooms each night, thanks to these hottie locals!

On the first night, we were excited to meet up with our hottie local friends at a rocking rooftop bar. After what we all decided was one too many rounds of drinks to be patient through, we walked over to the next more exciting venue: the hotel. While waiting in the lobby to go up to the room, He and I were getting overly friendly. Prof was providing Her with moral support while she was checking us in. Of course, the desk staff doesn’t know who is attached to whom, but they certainly know that we are all four headed to the same room. I’m guessing the amorous behavior in the lobby may have been a tip off. Oh, and the fact we arrived with no luggage.

Being busy professionals, we all know the cost of time wasted, so, of course, the elevator ride was the logical beginning of an erotically eventful night. After taking in some sights of those locals, we all left together after checking in mere hours before. Upon departing, She was unabashed about checking out. I loved it, was so impressed and I took my cues from Her. With all of us still slightly disheveled and still revved on hormones, we availed ourselves of the rehydration station so thoughtfully provided in the lobby. Maybe we weren’t the first ones to use a room there for a few hours that night.

We parted ways on the sidewalk with delicious kisses and biddings of safe travel. It was only after we walked in our separate directions that I felt my face heat and blush. I couldn’t help but giddily squeal, “I can’t believe we made such a scene.” As always, Prof chuckled and said, “It didn’t seem to bother you while you were making out with Him.”

The next night we met the next contingent from the welcome wagon. They had already checked in before they met us in the lobby lounge. After drinks and excellent conversation, we adjourned to an adventurous dinner and then to the swing club. With so much heat in the atmosphere at the awesome club, it’s easy to allow the spark to catch. With that much erotic friction while dancing, the idea of having a place waiting where we could be alone became irresistible.

After an orgasmic cab ride, we stumbled and hugged our way to the elevator, making a scene with the photos to prove it. With our friends pulling out all the stops with their hosting efforts, we couldn’t help but be exceptionally comfortable while sightseeing that night. As time ran short for our friends, we halfheartedly helped them pack, as we didn’t want them to go.

Prof and I checked in with them and decided that we didn’t want to let all the erotic energy left in the room to simply dissipate, so we stayed for a while longer. That led to some kinky play and the loss of an earring. With the appropriate amount of damage done, it was time for us two make our second “walk of shame” of the weekend.

We couldn’t help but laugh as we saw each other arm-in-arm in the mirrors on our way out. We were well beyond salvaging. The sun was starting to peek out, so we figured if we were ever going to venture out looking like we did that was the perfect time to do so. The guy behind the desk did the twenty-first century equivalent of tipping his hat while we walked through the lobby.

We desperately and devilishly look forward to future shameless walks of shame with these incredible hotties! Desire, your fair city or you name the city…we are there!

OurPorn

Prof and I have a new fun bedtime pastime: browsing porn together. YouPorn makes it so easy to have a broad spectrum of categories and ways to search. We climb into bed with our iPad and let the fun begin! Although I’ve found that what is fun about this pastime is less the porn watching and more the browsing.

I find it completely fascinating watching Prof browse and click and watch and click. Observing what he continues to watch versus what he decides to move away from. Sometimes I start to get into something I find to be super hot that he is not really into and I have to admit I was left hanging.

This interactive porn process has led us to be more open with each other about the nuances of our turn ons, especially about what I find extra naughty. Of course, extra naughty varies from person to person and it is just that knowledge that I have been happy to learn about Prof.

Sometimes it is hard to discuss sex in a vacuum. Don’t get me wrong…we love to talk about sex. We do it all the time. It is just cool to have actual examples of the sexy behaviors right there for us to both watch and then talk about what it is exactly that really gets our juices flowing.

I also love to watch Prof get turned on, to go from 0 to 105 in 2 seconds flat. It’s funny to be browsing clips that don’t hit the mark and then be roughly seduced by some surprising scenario. This happened the other night when we were clicking and clicking and landed watching a blonde women and four men. It started with her on one couch masturbating and all the guys on another big couch watching her. It was hot to watch her play to them and to make them wait! Anticipation is porn is so rare.

It was impossible to not to put myself in her position as that is where my fantasies have taken me lately. Of course, after we watched we ran with it during our fantasy talk and there easily could have been three other men there it felt so realistic in my mind. Watching the clip perhaps put me one step closer to fulfilling the fantasy. And I know for certain Prof is on board to watch or participate in such hotness.

We have been having such fun with it and learning about each other’s deeper fantasies to boot. Give it a try! We’d love to hear what you think.

The Very Blind Date

Like many swingers, Ginger and I started exploring the potential for meeting others online. We actually started on Craigslist--we'd like to believe before it was considered too seedy, but in reality we didn't have a clue. With total dumb luck, we met a sexy, intelligent woman that we shared much with over the course of a couple of years.

Easy right? Not so fast...

We started exploring other sites to meet couples, initially as a threesome and then as a couple ourselves after she partnered. The first thing that struck us is how difficult it is to actually MEET couples on some of the sites. Admittedly our initial threshold is high--that is if correct spelling, grammar, and some tasteful pictures are included. Much like when you meet someone in person and you get a first impression for how they carry themselves, the online profile offers much insight...maybe people with sloppy profiles are amazing fucks, but it just doesn't send a lot of confidence our way.

The second thing we discovered (and continue to struggle with) is that it takes a lot of time to maintain your online profile, pictures, and messages. In the times that we've gotten busy, it atrophies--like the muscle that doesn't get used, it is pretty much useless. We are both organized professionals and keeping straight with the online activity taxes our capabilities. It's not that the volume is so enormous...it's the strategy of knowing who you really want to meet and how to keep the connection open in the midst of the real life constraints.

This past weekend we had the chance to connect with a couple online. It all happened pretty much at the last minute and we decided to be opportunistic. We discussed a time, a place...and as we are on the way, Ginger asks "What are their names?" Er, baby, I forgot to get that information.

We met at a bar in town. Ginger and I got there first and texted our specific table location. Then we waited. Would they show? Would they be our style? Could they hold a conversation?

Then, the cutest couple that had come through the door all night walked over to introduce themselves (which got strange looks from the couples nearby: "Why are they meeting for drinks if they don't know each other?"). The conversation was excellent. First it was one drink and then another. They stayed well beyond their intended time frame, but we knew that it was going to have to be an early night due to circumstances. YES! Our faith in online dating restored.

If you've ever golfed, this is like the one good shot that erases all the frustrations from before. We will always prefer to meet people in person at parties or on vacation, but it is easier to redouble online efforts knowing there are some good matches out there.

Are You Connected?

Ginger and I just returned from our pilgrimage to Desire. Reentry to normal life can be a jolt. The issue of wearing clothes is obvious, though there is not much sexy about naked New Englanders milling about outside during the cold spring months. Other differences are more subtle. Paying attention to these helps us create a "new normal"—that is, if we hold on and refuse to fall back to our old patterns.

I travel extensively for work. For me, travel is often an issue of energy conservation—I try to get from point A to point B with as much left in the tank as possible. Getting ready for a week at Desire required even more time on the road, right up to and including the day before the trip. Ginger and I talked sporadically over this time. We didn’t have much sex. Other than the concern that she may spontaneously combust without a regular release of erotic energy, we trust the ebb and flow knowing full well that these disruptions aren’t a sign of something wrong between us.

On the flight down to Cancun, I defaulted to my normal work mode paying scarce attention to the sexy woman next to me. I could blame it on the airplane WiFi. I could say I had to make sure everything was alright back at the office before heading out of town. There are lots of things I could tell myself, but in reality, it was a choice.

Fast forwarding past all the juicy details of our amazing trip (more forthcoming, we promise), Ginger and I didn’t stop talking with one another on the way home and all evening. We relived experiences. We made plans. We laughed. We cried. It was better than Cats.

The opportunities to invest our energy are endless. This is even more true as we become more connected virtually—not even the airplane is a reprieve from the outside world if you fork over the 10 bucks for a WiFi connection. The question is this: are these productive connections? Do they invigorate and refresh you with energy? Or are they sucking you dry? Where we connect is a choice. We may not be able to extricate ourselves immediately from non-productive choices, but my guess there are some immediate steps that move you in the right direction. I know there are for me.

For starters, where there is a hot woman sitting next to me on the plane, I commit to flirt and build the erotic connection—not with an expectation to “get laid” but instead in pure enjoyment of how that energy itself makes me happy. That should help the next million miles go by much more enjoyably.

Connecting with Ginger is—I don’t know how else to say this—it is an experience. She is a force of nature in all the best ways. Intelligent. Thoughtful. Focused. And sexually, she can overwhelm before even getting revved up fully. We always bring our A-game together. I ask myself: Do I really have to unplug from all the energy she brings to my life?

Vacations are often described as “recharging your batteries”. The problem is, these proverbial batteries are too easy to get depleted. How long does the vacation bump usually last? A day? The first hour back in the office? Batteries are, by definition, a disconnection.

I’m no longer going on battery. I’m staying connected—albeit, with a very long cord at times, but connected nonetheless.

So...where are you going?

As Prof and I are about to embark on what is officially the fourth sexy vacation of our open relationship, I'm reflecting on the experience and how it has evolved over the years. All three vacations so far have been rousing and arousing, crazy, wild days and nights full of non-stop fun, laughter and, of course, debauchery and hedonism.

We have met hotties on vacation that we still stay in touch with and get to, ahem, hang out with on occasion. And certainly, we make no secret about the fact that our fellow Swingercast groupies make pretty rocking Desire compatriots. After last year's trip we feel like we have the proverbial "girl in every port" except it might be a guy...or a couple...or couples. You get my drift. Regardless of which metropolitan area we might need to visit for business or pleasure, we are likely to be able to score a dinner date with fabulous local hosts.

Planning for this year's trip we feel like we are the seasoned, experienced members passing along helpful hints and calming the nerves of the newly naked. In preparing for the trip, even packing was an entertaining and fun experience itself. Gathering the teeny tiny bikinis, sheer sarongs, fetish wear, sex toys and naughty props is an integral part of the anticipation.

We will do our best to keep our clothes on until the doorstep of Desire. After that, any expectations of responsibility or moderation are frowned upon and generally misguided. We turn our attention to focusing on pleasure, making new friends, pleasure, catching up with old friends, pleasure, participating in all the craziness on the itinerary and some more pleasure.

I like to think of sexy vacations as returning to our natural habitat. Even though we do indulge in the occasional overnight dates throughout the year, having a week or longer to decompress and acclimate to our natural swinger schedule and activities without any other responsibilities is priceless.

This trip we are anticipating that it will be the smoothest and quickest transition yet into our swinger-in-the-wild behavior and mindset. It is truly comforting, as we have written about before, to enjoy a long stretch of nakedness and sexiness among likeminded friends. There is nothing to compare to the liberation of authentic and uncensored social and sexual experiences.

Over time the experience has evolved and it only seems to improve every trip. The one thing that hasn't changed is the delicate and skilled bob and weave of answering the inevitable question: "So...where are you going?" Thus far, we have done our best to answer using multiple strategies:

1. The Non-Answer: "Oh, you know, just anywhere there is a great beach and a drink in my hand."

2. The Vagary: "Just headed somewhere warm for a stretch."

3. The Redirect: "Looking forward to getting away for a while. Where did you go on your last vacation? Oh, and check out the bright, shiny object!"

4. The Clueless Partner: "You know, the Mexican Riviera somewhere. Prof did all the planning."

5. The Circular Logic: "Oh, that great place we went last year. We are headed there again." (Recommended to be closely followed by the Redirect.)

As we do our best to be productive in these last few days before flying off to paradise, we wish you luck in any evasive action and tempering of enthusiasm in front of vanillas you may have to do before your next (or first) sexy vacation. And whatever you do don't let them look in your suitcase!