Headed to the O Zone

You're traveling to another dimension, a dimension, not only of sight and sound, but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. Next stop, the O Zone. . .

Okay, hotties, I am over-aroused and under-sexed right now. Anticipating a weekend during which I am transported to the O Zone over and over, I thought it would be fun to share the list Prof and I created of the types of orgasms I experience. This is anything but a scientific or clinical description of types of orgasms. The names and descriptions are based solely on our multi-orgasmic personal experience.

I will say, that I believe that every person, including you too guys, is capable of multiple orgasms. The mind is the most sensitive erogenous zone, yet the trickiest to surrender during sexual experience. More on that in a later post.

As I wander through the O Zone accompanied by luscious, skilled lovers or all by myself, these are a few choice climaxes I encounter:

• Quick and dirty: Just what it sounds like. . .it usually comes from penetration, often from behind, when we have just a few minutes. These are the primer orgasms. A bit satisfying, but really they just wind me up for more sexy action later.
• TGIF: I love the TGIF. It's the result of long lingering sex play and is what many refer to as the blended orgasm: stimulation of both the clitoris and G-spot resulting in an orgasm that turns me into that panting, sweaty, utterly satisfied woman dozing off in your bed.
• Synchro: This orgasm happens when Prof and I hit the O Zone simultaneously. Synchronized orgasms include the added satisfaction for me of feeling his body climaxing at the same time. Oh my.
• DP: Ooohh. . .the DP is the full-body, knock-out-punch orgasm that happens when I'm patient enough for the clitoral, vaginal and anal stimulation to crescendo together.
• Fingercuffs: From the truly excellent, not-to-be-missed film Chasing Amy, lesbianish love interest, Alyssa, is nicknamed Fingercuffs for enjoying oral and penetration at the same time. For me, this is an awesome mind-fuck orgasm all its own because it's so dirty and so crazy hot.
• The empty O: The empty O happens when climaxing with no penetration. Oh so many ways this O can happen, mostly during delicious grinding, receiving or giving fantastic oral or during a strap-on session. Yes, you read that right. ::wink::
• Straight up G: Usually some time into penetrative sex there comes a time when the G-spot becomes undeniable. This orgasm is straight up G-spot stimulation and hurts so good.
• Endorphin addict: Any orgasm resulting from athletic or BDSM-related play. These climaxes have a fantastic edge. I am addicted.
• Juicy fruit: Any climax accompanied by ejaculation. I'm not fond of the term "squirter" because it has become so exploited in porn. Therefore, when I go to that place, I am simply "juicy" and call the O a "juicy fruit." And when I see the gum while checking out at the grocery store, I get that naughty smirk on my face.
• The smother: This is the orgasm that always accompanies being full of a large cock or dildo. I'm a fan. . .a big fan.
• Porno: Even while engaged in porn-like, intense in-and-out penetration, I can orgasm. It is usually a teaser orgasm making me crave slower, deeper grinding.
• Squeeze: Yummy! The Kegel orgasm! It's the go-anywhere, do it in traffic O! To all my sexy, female hotties: do those Kegels for yourself. You never know where you might end up accidentally orgasming. And, guys, Kegels aren't just for the sexy women, those are the same muscles that play a role in your ability to ejaculate at just the right time.
• The Diddy and the P Diddy: These are the masturbation-induced climaxes. The Diddy is sans penetration and the P Diddy includes penetration; these orgasms always seem to leave me wanting more, not sure if their namesake would.
• South African style: Inspired by sexy friends, this type of orgasm happens without any physical stimulation at all. It is purely a mind-body energy O. Not for the impatient or the skeptical, this climax is a full-body orgasm worth every bit of the surrender it takes to experience.
• "And that's kicking your ass": Last, but hardly least, the name of this O is an homage to the fight scene in Charlie's Angels where Drew Barrymore's character, Dylan, announces to a room full of unconscious men she just knocked out one by one, "And that's kicking your ass!" It is after this climax that I am barely conscious myself.

I must be clear this list is not, I repeat, not, meant to imply that the orgasm is the ultimate goal of sex play. The phrase "enjoy the journey" is meant to refer to sex. Broaden your definition of orgasm to include those delicious peaks of energy that happen while playing. Having a goal line mentality, that the big O is the grand finale, limits your ability to enjoy the natural high and low tides of pleasure while playing. Mindful sex play, being in the moment, good old sensate focus not only makes for more erotic sex, but also is the gateway to the O Zone if, indeed, you wish to wander through during your sexy session.

**The Prof and I would like to thank two sexy friends for creating and sharing our awesome new banner! You guys rock!**

Better living through chemistry

How is it that someone can be intelligent, funny, gorgeous and sexy as hell, yet you discover you have not one bit of desire to be sexual with him? Or you meet someone who is outside of your typical attraction sweet spot, yet you become immediately seduced and consumed by her hotness. The answer: chemistry. Elusive chemistry.

One of the mysteries of the Lifestyle is the concept of chemistry. You can go out on a hot date, have a great dinner, enjoy excellent conversation, but when you hit the dance floor discover you're just not feeling it.

Of course, there is the opposite phenomenon. You experience the cliché: You see someone from across the room, your eyes meet and you immediately visualize his naked, sweaty body smothering you during mind-blowing, time-space-continuum warping action.

I personally prefer the latter. Go figure.

In the years Prof and I have had an open relationship, we have discussed, explored, examined, rehashed and analyzed the concept of chemistry and have come to a clear conclusion: We haven't the faintest clue how to unravel such a mystery. Anticipating chemistry, discovering the source of chemistry and trying to create chemistry is truly Lifestyle alchemy.

In the wake of the Gordian knot that is erotic chemistry, Prof and I have simply devised methods for keeping our heads above water in lieu of seeking a solution. Here are a few of our tried and true flotation devices:

• Accept a declined invitation with no judgment. Simply because someone does not wish to be sexual with you does not mean you are unattractive or unsexy. Reading into a person's rationale for declining your advance is speculative at best. Move on from that circumstance with no hard feelings knowing that off-the-charts chemistry with another hottie is likely right around the corner.

• Understand you reserve the right to simply say "no thank you" and offer no rationale. We all have the right to be sexual with whom we choose when we choose. This is a riff off of the Lifestyle mantra "no means no." No rationale is necessary when following your attraction.

• Some Lifestyle friends will become friends minus benefits. The reality is having platonic Lifestyle friends is part of being in the Lifestyle. Having open-minded and fun platonic Lifestyle friends adds a dimension to swinging not to be missed. If everyone was attracted to everyone all the time, we would be left without the mystery and beauty of the seduction dance. And we all know the chase is a significant part of the hot fun.

• Intense, passionate chemistry with someone new can be perceived by partners as unsettling or complete ecstasy. On the flip side of the lack of chemistry is the all-consuming, fierce and exceptional attraction. Often this type of attraction feels like a force of nature, truly almost undeniable. For some partners, observing this type of chemistry can trigger twinges of jealousy. In this case, it is important to have honest, clear communication about the emotions you're experiencing. It is also important to remember that often this type of chemistry is bolstered by, what non-monogamers call, new relationship energy or N.R E. If you find that any scenario is too unsettling, it is best to disengage. For many partners, observing your partner experiencing the heights of ecstasy with another is its own ecstasy. This is a concept, often evoked by non-monogamers, called compersion. Whether we realize it or not, many of us in open relationships enjoy and thrive on the experience of compersion. (For more in-depth discussion of compersion, read The Ethical Slut and Opening Up, two excellent resources for those of us in alternative relationships.)

• When you find and experience amazing chemistry, be in the moment and enjoy it! That doesn't necessarily mean you run off to the bedroom. Take it slow. Enjoy every hormonal zing, the lingering eye contact, the casual touches, the compliments...and dish it all out mercilessly knowing you're feeding the desire. It truly doesn't get any hotter!

The bottom line is the ongoing search for elusive chemistry keeps erotic energy flowing, smiles on our faces and all of us looking forward to the next date. Have fun with it!

"My cheeks hurt from laughing!"

In the afterglow of Desire, Prof and I are constantly reliving the sexy, hot times we had. The atmosphere was incredible. The food was sumptuous. The drinks were fortifying. The views were stunning. The breeze was caressing. The sun on our naked bodies was soothing. The ocean was refreshing while the hot tub was entrancing. We had sensory and stimulation overload, in the best way possible of course.

This profusion of sensory seduction pales in comparison to the experience of the people: so hot, so sexy, so erotic. . .and so witty. Yes, you heard me. Witty. Not only was this indomitable crew led by John and Allie sexing up the place, but they also brought their clever conversation A-game. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. In the words of one of the sexy crew, "My cheeks hurt from laughing!" No, not those cheeks, the ones on your face, you dirty-minded hottie!

So here is just a smattering of what we overheard at Desire besides some very able accents, impromptu, well-executed show tunes and constant sounds of sexual satisfaction. While some things are best left to the imagination, it is important to immortalize the best of the best of things overheard at Desire. A few of these may motivate you join the group in 2011 for the full experience!

"Drink up. The more rum you drink, the better I look."

"No, that's not duck tape, it's Kentucky pasties."

"Have you had all the blow jobs you can handle yet?"

(Considering.) "Ummmm. . . no, no, can't say that I have."

"The group is sexual, but it is not just about the sex."

"If she was any hotter, it would be scary."

"What time is it?"

"Ummm. . .let's see," looks at wrist with no watch, "looks like it is swing o'clock."

"The server on the beach won't bring me water. She just keeps telling me I am on vacation and brings me another mojito."

T-shirt saying: "I came to Desire with Swingercast and all I got was a triple blow job."

Remembering Desire is a clothing-optional resort. . .asked while people were in the hot tub: "Do you have a pen?"

"I can't hurry, I am wearing pleather pants."

"Wow! Lots of guys are rocking the man-sarong."

The staff attempting to maintain the rules and order: "No coochie coochie in the cabana."

"After all of our action last night in the play tent, they are taking it down. Clearly, what we all did could not be topped. We were being so dirty, they even had to hose the whole area down."

On the dance floor: "What day is it?" she asks. He replies, "Ummm. . .not really sure," then asks another hottie, "What is today?" No one knew the answer and the quest for the knowledge of what day it was was abandoned.

"Whoa! I just had seven Gingergasms!"

"Let's give him a 'duelly.'"

"Who's Julie? I haven't met her."

"No, let's give him a 'DUELLY,' as in double blow job."

"Ohhh. . . absolutely!"

"The sex toy bag weighs 49 pounds. She's a packing ninja!"

"Hot tub happy hour. . .get in with your sunglasses on, get out when the moon comes out, maybe get off sometime in between."

"No, not 'EP' as in extended play. 'DP' as in double penetration."

"Well, how about 'EPDP'?"

"We need to do research to ascertain whether the enjoyment of the blow job varies by language spoken by the woman doing the oral." (There were plenty of male volunteers to help with that research.)

"The most dangerous place to be is between her and her orgasm."

"We came back to the room after the cleaning woman and she stood all of the dildos up. Apparently, the staff wants all the cocks erect and ready."

During a play session: "Come on in for the assist."

"I've never seen that position before."

"Really? Let's go practice."

Questions about swinger etiquette: "Do you interrupt others playing to say 'goodbye'?" How about: "Is it appropriate to tell her her ass is so hot it makes me want to bite it?"

"Hey, stop blowing him. You two are late for an orgy."

"My outfit had a fantastic time. I was just along for the ride."

And, last, but not least: "I'm not that familiar with U.S. geography, but I am discovering it one lady at a time."

This is hardly an exhaustive list. Sexy friends, if you have words that must be immortalized, pass them along! Gracias!