Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Swingerverse versus the 'vanilla world'

"Ugh. Time to go back to the 'vanilla world.'"

Most of us in the Lifestyle have uttered those words the morning after a hot party or upon return from a Lifestyle vacation. The Prof and I have many times. Interestingly, it's not that we dread going back to our day-to-day lives. We love our work. We have a fun family life. We enjoy other activities unrelated to the Lifestyle. We have hot, edgy, satisfying sex together.

So what exactly is it that makes the "swingerverse" such a fantastic place to reside?

1. The swingerverse is amazing fun!
For most people, the swingerverse is the place you go to let go, relax and have fun. Planets in the swingerverse include Awesome House Party, Amazing Swing Club, Pampering Lifestyle Resort and Incredibly Hot Date. All of these planets are positively erotically charged and, therefore, are places where orgasms are plentiful. All swingerverse travelers should take care to avoid the planets High Drama Party and Dud Date as they are negatively erotically charged, so orgasms cannot exist in the brutal climate.

2. Traveling in the swingerverse can save you money.
Sure, as swingers there are certain required or desired expenses, like gorgeous lingerie, playful sex toys, copious bottled water, and hotel and resort accommodations. But consider this: All that combined is a drop in the bucket compared to the alleged $30,000 that monogamers like Tiger Woods need to spend for their all-night threesomes!

3. While traveling in the swingerverse, you travel light.
All you need is a carry-on bag full of that gorgeous lingerie, sex toys, condoms and hot shoes, of course. The last thing you want to be is overdressed.

4. You gain an entirely different sense of "normal" in the swingerverse.
One side effect of traveling in the swingerverse is returning to the "vanilla world" with an entirely different sense of what is "normal." You gain a wickedly warped sense of reality. In the vanilla world, it is not normal to share with the couple at the bar how hot their asses are, or how you are exhausted from orgasm overdose. It is also not normal to observe other people engaging in amazing oral action while getting hot to try out the inspired moves on your partner who happens to be passionately kissing the woman he told you earlier had stunning lips he had to kiss. Nope. Sorry. Not normal in the vanilla world. After traveling in the swingerverse, you will need to save all of your sexy swingerverse thoughts and observations to share only with fellow travelers.

5. Swingerverse travelers become discerning pornography consumers.
Be aware of this swingerverse side effect: After traveling in and experiencing the swingerverse, you will become, well, pornography snobs. You will only enjoy the very best pornography out there created by inspired visionary pornographers like Tristan Taormino, Madison Young and a few others. The fact is your typical Saturday night is hotter than the hottest contrived pornography scene, so most pornography loses its luster.

6. Fellow swingers are generally open, friendly and fun.
Swingers, whether they are intimate friends or not, generally are just open, friendly and interested in making new friends. It's like living in Minnesota where everyone is nice! It is enjoyable and interesting to talk to people willing to share something of themselves and who are genuinely interested in getting to know you. Sure, there may be an underlying desire to bed you in spectacular fashion after they learn all the wonderfully interesting things about you. In the swingerverse, this is acknowledged and acceptable, so no worries. This is not to suggest that the only reason any one swinger is listening to another is just listening long enough to get in each other's pants. On the contrary, when all subjects, including sex and sexuality, are on the table, it allows us to get to know one another more intimately and thoroughly making for a more complete picture of who we really are.

7. You can really be yourself.
The swingerverse is a place full of welcoming, accepting people. In it exist all types. It is the place where your inhibitions can melt away and you can truly be yourself.

8. Traveling in the swingerverse is about the journey, not the destination.
Employing a Hallmark card saying to wrap up these musings on the swingerverse is not my typical tone. However, the fact remains that swingerverse travelers really enjoy the journey. The no expectations, work hard/play hard, enjoy every minute philosophy pervades the culture.

Certainly, this generalization focuses on the amazing positives of the swingerverse. But if you are honest, communicative and really know what you want, traveling the swingerverse can be out of this world.

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