Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Fill Your Vessel

There is no better place from which to blog than from one of the beach side beds at Desire—where we happen to be parked at this very moment. Professional bloggers? Absolutely…as long as we are constantly surrounded by naked people who inspire us to write!

Without fail, John and Allie from Swingercast have pulled together a great group—familiar friends and many more newly created. We also re-met many people who are not part of the group, but vacation here the same time every year. We’ve received some very sweet feedback on our writing, which always inspires more.

One friend commented on one of the most recent posts, Sexy Is as Sexy Does, and shared that it helped her overcome some of her own hang-ups and branch out. It’s easy to write about how to move beyond our self-limiting thoughts, but to do it takes real courage!

(one hour later) Ok, so one of the hazards of writing at Desire on the beach beds is the impromptu discussions. Ginger and I just had one of the best this week with Earl and Lynna, who are new(er) to the Lifestyle and on their first trip to Desire. They’re clearly in harmony with each other, they’re smart and have it together…just the kind of people we love chatting with. Ron and Melina the other day at lunch. Bill and Kiersten (who we have about a thousand open conversation threads to tidy up in the next couple of days). Joe and Kathy. John and Rickie. And many more to seek out and keep connecting.

So many of the conversations have touched on themes that inspire us…to look deeper. Reflecting on where we are and what we are continuing to create. What’s held us back and what other people seem to struggle with regularly.

Out of many of these discussions and observations we’re imparting a New Rule (in the vein of the comedian Bill Maher): Self-limiting thoughts must never get in the way of what (or who) you want. That is pretty nerdy. Let’s try this variation: If you find yourself wanting to be different and you don’t have the chance to fix it right then, you have to let it go or else it’ll inhibit you. Hmmm, better but still not very simple.

Criticism kills. That's something we can remember.

It kills your confidence if you’re critical of yourself. It kills the mood. It kills your connection with your partner. Left to fester, it kills relationships.

When you hang out with naked people all day, it’s easy to be critical, particularly of yourself. There is always somebody that has something that you may wish you had. Body type. Size. Et cetera. Sadly, we see that even when people have taken matter into their own hands, or entrusted a surgeon to “fix” this or that…sometimes, it doesn’t seem to make a difference. They could have the perfect body on paper but lack all the self-confidence to be sexy in it.

Sometimes those types of enhancements or high intervention changes can bring about an improvement in self-confidence or mindset. The trick is not to count on it. Owning exactly what your body is, in every iteration, knowing that your sexy is deep inside and shines through regardless of the vessel truly sets you free.

Some people like their vessels shaped one way, others like vessels of all shapes and sizes, but we can agree that if it’s empty, we will be thirsty no matter what.

The good news is that it is as easy to accept as it is to criticize. It is a choice and we have to remember that. Constantly remind ourselves of it. The choice to accept is empowering. It helps us fill up our vessels.

With no leaky insecurities, we have more confidence in sharing what interests and inspires us. We can engage and interact dynamically…interesting and spontaneous conversations can erupt anywhere. Like here on the beach. Speaking of which, here comes someone now. Gotta go.

1 comment:

  1. You two have done more for us than you know. The lunchtime discussions were great and gave us a centering perspective we had not yet considered in our early grounding in the lifestyle. The trip to Desire was our first so your post above has amazing relevance. We had no idea how we would feel in such an open environment. We just new that we were going to LIVE Life the way we have chosen. What we did feel was the shedding of incredibly old repressive baggage. It was a Kurt Lewin Thaw Freeze experience when we experienced conscious incompetence. The good news is we have never felt more free in our lives than we did last week. Thanks! Rob and Melissa