Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The risks of intellectual foreplay.

One of the great pleasures The Prof and I enjoy about gathering with new sexy friends is the potential for fun, informative and intelligent conversation. We enjoy friends who have a take, who are multifaceted and have a perspective on the world that reaches beyond the bedroom, especially when they are willing to share. The Prof and I have dubbed this exchange "intellectual foreplay."

Many of us get turned on by a hot, sexy mind within a hot, sexy body. For us, it is the penultimate to connect with lovers intellectually as well as carnally. Our desire for intellectual foreplay leads us to appear slow to warm up, perhaps. Really, we are just listening mindfully to the perspectives of potential lovers and allowing the intellectual foreplay to spark a smolder that will indeed ignite fire in the bedroom. That is how we relate to one another, so it is not a surprise that we relate to other potential lovers that way.

The idea of a smart, heated debate about a controversial issue of the day and learning a potential lover's perspective on the world initiates that smolder, but also lends a depth to the erotic connection. The discovery that within that hot body lies a creative photographer, a passionate libertarian or driven environmentalist bolsters chemistry that already exists and prompts an appreciation of the whole person. Not that there is anything wrong with a carnal passion alone, however, The Prof and I find a body and mind connection inspires the most passion.

The Prof and I both seek the multifaceted connection and tend to attract others who do. The tricky part about cultivating a multifaceted connection with lovers is you may likely discover you don't see eye-to-eye on issues you are each passionate about. As I reflect on the passionate conversations I have had with lovers, I do find myself allowing the honorable disagreement over controversial and political issues to creep in. Upon reflection, this leaves me wondering if I am "politickist." Meaning I am discriminating against these lovers based on their political beliefs. Have I come to the place where I declare, "Sorry, I only fuck liberals."?

Is it better to just leave these issues alone? For many people in the Lifestyle, they follow the proven advice for work and family gatherings to simply leave religion and politics out of it. Perhaps, that is the wisest course of action. It certainly takes the chance of fundamental disagreement over important issues off the table. If it is a relationship built on sexual connection, just stick to the sex. Abandon the intellectual foreplay despite the heat it may bring to the relationship.

Interestingly, I am finding my solution is exploring my personal values regarding how I view others and how engaged they are in the wider world. I am finding, although I may be a bit "politickist," I am willing to enjoy the passion gleaned from a heated debate despite which side we each come down upon, within reason, of course. The Prof and I find that the filter of who chooses to join the Lifestyle tends to only allow relatively tolerant people willing to accept that people have the right to live their lives the way they choose--live-and-let-live types.

Passion is passion. The Prof and I choose to honor the passion in our lovers when it is behind a thoughtful position despite the fact that we disagree. We recognize this approach isn't for everyone and is challenging to keep in check sometimes, but the benefit of the rich and passionate relationships outweighs the cost of accepting that there is much diversity of thought in the swingerverse.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Swingerverse versus the 'vanilla world'

"Ugh. Time to go back to the 'vanilla world.'"

Most of us in the Lifestyle have uttered those words the morning after a hot party or upon return from a Lifestyle vacation. The Prof and I have many times. Interestingly, it's not that we dread going back to our day-to-day lives. We love our work. We have a fun family life. We enjoy other activities unrelated to the Lifestyle. We have hot, edgy, satisfying sex together.

So what exactly is it that makes the "swingerverse" such a fantastic place to reside?

1. The swingerverse is amazing fun!
For most people, the swingerverse is the place you go to let go, relax and have fun. Planets in the swingerverse include Awesome House Party, Amazing Swing Club, Pampering Lifestyle Resort and Incredibly Hot Date. All of these planets are positively erotically charged and, therefore, are places where orgasms are plentiful. All swingerverse travelers should take care to avoid the planets High Drama Party and Dud Date as they are negatively erotically charged, so orgasms cannot exist in the brutal climate.

2. Traveling in the swingerverse can save you money.
Sure, as swingers there are certain required or desired expenses, like gorgeous lingerie, playful sex toys, copious bottled water, and hotel and resort accommodations. But consider this: All that combined is a drop in the bucket compared to the alleged $30,000 that monogamers like Tiger Woods need to spend for their all-night threesomes!

3. While traveling in the swingerverse, you travel light.
All you need is a carry-on bag full of that gorgeous lingerie, sex toys, condoms and hot shoes, of course. The last thing you want to be is overdressed.

4. You gain an entirely different sense of "normal" in the swingerverse.
One side effect of traveling in the swingerverse is returning to the "vanilla world" with an entirely different sense of what is "normal." You gain a wickedly warped sense of reality. In the vanilla world, it is not normal to share with the couple at the bar how hot their asses are, or how you are exhausted from orgasm overdose. It is also not normal to observe other people engaging in amazing oral action while getting hot to try out the inspired moves on your partner who happens to be passionately kissing the woman he told you earlier had stunning lips he had to kiss. Nope. Sorry. Not normal in the vanilla world. After traveling in the swingerverse, you will need to save all of your sexy swingerverse thoughts and observations to share only with fellow travelers.

5. Swingerverse travelers become discerning pornography consumers.
Be aware of this swingerverse side effect: After traveling in and experiencing the swingerverse, you will become, well, pornography snobs. You will only enjoy the very best pornography out there created by inspired visionary pornographers like Tristan Taormino, Madison Young and a few others. The fact is your typical Saturday night is hotter than the hottest contrived pornography scene, so most pornography loses its luster.

6. Fellow swingers are generally open, friendly and fun.
Swingers, whether they are intimate friends or not, generally are just open, friendly and interested in making new friends. It's like living in Minnesota where everyone is nice! It is enjoyable and interesting to talk to people willing to share something of themselves and who are genuinely interested in getting to know you. Sure, there may be an underlying desire to bed you in spectacular fashion after they learn all the wonderfully interesting things about you. In the swingerverse, this is acknowledged and acceptable, so no worries. This is not to suggest that the only reason any one swinger is listening to another is just listening long enough to get in each other's pants. On the contrary, when all subjects, including sex and sexuality, are on the table, it allows us to get to know one another more intimately and thoroughly making for a more complete picture of who we really are.

7. You can really be yourself.
The swingerverse is a place full of welcoming, accepting people. In it exist all types. It is the place where your inhibitions can melt away and you can truly be yourself.

8. Traveling in the swingerverse is about the journey, not the destination.
Employing a Hallmark card saying to wrap up these musings on the swingerverse is not my typical tone. However, the fact remains that swingerverse travelers really enjoy the journey. The no expectations, work hard/play hard, enjoy every minute philosophy pervades the culture.

Certainly, this generalization focuses on the amazing positives of the swingerverse. But if you are honest, communicative and really know what you want, traveling the swingerverse can be out of this world.